Our Journey with Jesus

Our Cup Over Flows....

2011-07-06T04:44:00.000-07:00

People have been asking a lot lately whats next for us...

And our response is we have no idea. We do know that we are resting in this season. And we have rest and peace in our very being so we know that we are where God has us for now. And we are thankful to be in this place. We lived in restlessness for three years and that is not a fun place to live but hind sight we see it as the work of God in our lives... getting us ready for something new, stripping us of junk to prepare us for this, to strengthen our faith muscles and to carry us by grace to see the FATHER'S love in new ways.

We are seeing God doing this in the lives of our friends and family, starting to uproot them, get them thinking about moving or putting dreams and passions on their heart, not knowing how to walk forward and not knowing exactly where God is leading them but being faithful by taking one step at a time in faith into the unknown. I smile knowing the faithfulness of God but knowing the struggle ...knowing what they will find that God carried them to someplace more wonderful than they could ever dream...

This summer has been a gift to our family...we have stepped back from lots of commitments that make us chase and fly around and we are enjoying relationship with each other, family, friends, getting to know our neighborhood. having the boys go to work with Kevin, Ally and I spending quality time together, having family meals again, and inhaling a bit before we get our running shoes on again:) it is building us all closer to the heart of God. There is nothing better.

A few snap shots of our summer...

Sawyer taking a mission trip to Newark, New Jersey...he has come back more committed to his walk with the LORD and has made some friendships that have broaden him, challenge him, and have given him new experiences. I think of last summer at this time as we were preparing to move, and Sawyer was our child that was upset about moving here, I remember praying to God and saying LORD sawyer is our Isaac...you need to get a hold of him cause it is breaking our heart to see him so against this move...God did more that get a hold of him, He is transforming him and Sawyer is thriving. Praise the LORD.

Ally, Brayden and Logan are doing well too, enjoying this relaxed summer, longboarding has become the thing to do here, we walk/longboard to the fish ladder, the kids are starting to adventure out into the city of Grand Rapids on their longboards...a little independance...a lot of trust for me.:) They are liking city life although I know the brayden and logan do miss the country living, the pond, and a place to shoot their guns, so we need to make it a priority to get them in places where they can shoot their guns and get a fishing pole in their hands. Wild at heart - just like Kevin:)

We are having a blast with the guys that live across the street. Max. John, Jake and James...Mighty men that love the LORD. Our kids get front row seats to see these guys live a life devoted to Jesus. When I dont know where the boys are I look out my window and see them sitting on Max's front porch with them talking and laughing. John coming over to grill his 4 pounds of meat every other night. Having great conversations about health, exercise, football and Jesus.

Engagements, babies and puppies are all gifts we get to celebrate in this community over the past month.

We also experienced, break ups, loss,death friends moving out of the neighborhood and new friends moving in.

We are experiencing the summer noise, which is not so pleasant at times, displaying tough love to our homeless friends that live such a self centered life and learning that boundaries are necessary... getting to know the kids in the neighborhood, praying for more intentional living and mission for the kids here. Hearing the dreams God is putting on Tony and Jenns heart about starting a Christ centered school on the Westside for the kids in the neighborhood - seeing the kids flocking to the boiler Room each day at 3:00 to hang out with emily.

God igniting the passion for Africa in our hearts again...feeling like this season is a time of prep and learning and trusting that sometime, somehow Africa will be in our future although it is in our present because its in our hearts whether it be through adoption, short term trips or maybe long term trip or maybe we will experience Africa through one of our kids. God is faithful to make our path firm and straight.

God bringing a precious family into our lives that love the LORD Jesus in the most simple yet profound way and has a common passion for these people (they have adopted two beautiful boys from Africa). Who we met on the bleachers at church last labor day and our hearts were instantly knit together.

Enjoying lake life at my parents, and enjoying family time there as summer is a time to hang out with the whole family. Making memories with the cousins, aunts,uncles, grandma and grandpa. Catching up with each other, encouraging each other toward good deeds and a deeper relationship with Jesus and laughing a lot.

Short camping trips with dear friends, bon fires, movie nights in the back yard, watching God bring the lonely into families, watching our church family care for one another and going into the hard places to advance the Kingdom of Christ.

Experiencing God move mountains in our life, seeing Kevin get new opportunity for his work, and watching him grow into a more humble, godly man who is a picture of a man laying his life down for others. I struck gold with him.

Watching my belly grow and wondering what this precious little boy will look like, what he will be like, standing in humility and amazement that God has this little guy in HIS plan for us. Hearing our kids pray over this bundle, coming up with a name together, dreaming about what it will be like having a baby around...watching my body change and grow and hearing questions from the kids - it is hilarious at times:)

And our dog Mya...sweet sweet dog:)

Is our life perfect...not even close...its hard...but life is hard wherever you are...we found that out...you can live in a beautiful house with lots of land and have lots of extras and life is still hard.

I dont know, I think often what if we said no to this place...to these people, to this adventure as a family. We would have missed out on a lot. It has made us know our need for Jesus more, it has given us freedom from materialism, it has made us jump and experience God catching us. It has made us appreciate the gift of our Byron Center community, the schools and the opportunity our kids have going there. We have experience GRACE - The Father's heart - its all HIM. WE have learned so much but know that we have so much more to learn...

...surely goodness and mercy shall follow us all the days of our lives and we shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

So yes, knowing that our cup overflows, not with worldly riches but riches that are lasting.

Restoring My Soul

2011-05-24T13:29:00.001-07:00

The LORD is my Shephard, I shall not want, He leads me by still waters and he restores my soul.

My sister in Christ prayed this over me last week. Then she received a picture of me sitting on a bank by a creek with my toes hanging over the side and Jesus sitting there beside me.

The very next day I took my dog for a walk, not because I wanted to or because I was thinking of finding a creek or thinking about this Psalm, my dog was stir crazy and if I didnt get her out I would go crazy, so off we went my dog and me to a park I often visit with her, but on this day she decided to take her first wade/swim in the creek that runs in this park. At first I was frusterated, yelling for her to get out, becaue she had to get into my van..all wet. But then I spotted a perfect place to sit, on a bank with my feet dangling over the still flowing water, and I felt the presense of Jesus. And Psalm 23 was recited in my head over and over and watching my dog have the time of her life.

Funny, Psalm 23 was the probably the 1st Psalm that I have ever memorized, It is quoted everywhere, even in non-christian circles, its the psalm people give to comfort those who are grieving. Its like John 3:16...we know it so well that sometimes they become only words and they lose the greatest truth of all.

But on this day, for the first time I pondered on the beauty and the promises that are packed full in these words from our loving Father for me. The promise that He leads His sheep to quiet pastures and still waters, the promise that He will restore our soul when we are weary, the promise that He leads us into righteousness so He will be glorified. The promise that as we walk through the valley of death, He walks us through with His protection. The promise that he is preparing a feast for us, and annoints us with oil, so much abudance that our cups will over flow. And goodness and mercy will be ours all the days of our lives and then we will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Finding true peace and rest in this chaotic, rat race we live in, is being drenched with God's word and sitting in His presense. That is the miracle of all miracles, because when these words become truth that we live by, then striving, and worrying, and performing can be relaced with Freedom in and Worship to the Author and Finisher of our faith and to be restful, joyful and peaceful in all circumstances, and knowing when the Great Shephard calls, following him is the safest place to be.

All week been reciting this great Psalm, asking God to make this Psalm real not only in my head, but also in my heart...He is doing that...He is restoring my soul and I am overwhelmed by His goodness and mercy in my life, he knows I need it....and I cant wait to dwell with my Jesus forever and ever. Amen

AWAKENING

2011-04-11T04:21:00.000-07:00

WAKE UP, O SLEEPER, RISE FROM THE DEAD AND CHRIST WILL SHINE ON YOU. - EPH 5:14

This is a promise from our Covenant God, our Faithful Father. A promise I am claiming for myself, family and this neighborhood.

I dont think ever in my life have I sensed a need for God' Spirit to awaken my heart to spiritual things, to see things like they really are. And He is doing it bit by bit.

This winter has been long...clouds, cold,now rain. With all the snow melted all i can see is mess, trash, obsene graffitti, kids running around the neighborhood like orphans, homeless people walkin in a constant state of drunkenness. Not much community is going on because its just too cold to walk around and get out, and the walls in my house were closing in.

And to be honest my flesh goes back to 100th street. Cause even on glummy days there was still beauty, and it was my choice if I wanted to enter into the brokeneness of the world around me or retreat, most days I would retreat and enjoy being on the fence of thinking what it would be like living among the most needy in our city, but not actually being there.

God showed me this weekend that the battle within me b/f moving here was the Spirit battling the flesh, God calling us to enter in and our flesh holding on to our comfort. The past month it has been the opposite, the flesh calling us to retreat back into comfort and the Spirit saying "my plan for your family now is here...on the Westside". I can feel the diffence, because when it was the Spirit calling us from Byron, I was restless, now there is bit of a fight but in my Spirit there is a peace that I cant explain, It's a peace that my whole family has.

And so God, being loving and gracious gave me a perfect day... It started out waking up to sunshine and 70 degrees... And then going to church and Ryan preaching in Acts.. the story of Simon the Sorcerer...What God spoke clearly to me through this story was we live in a culture and Church age in the West where we as Christian yearn for "the expereince of God" the mountian top expereinces, the great worship, seeing God do wonders and miracles, and we have over spiritualized everything. And we go from one place to another to look for the mountian top...and this is bad theology. I dont think Jesus felt these mountian top experiences all the time, I dont think the early church was always on the mountain top feeling wowed by God, I dont thing the the persucuted church feels the mountian top most of the time. So why should we...

The mark of the Gospel is obediance period.

And so this weekend remembering the call..."why are we here?" because God called us here, because where we come from the harvest is plentiful, and there is work to be done, but the workers are plentiful too. Here the work is plentiful, but the workers are few, there is great need for the Kingdom of God to break in, that is why we are here.

And whether God chooses to use us to plant seeds, grow seeds, He is the harvester. And He loves mess, to redeem and restore.

Over the past 8 months we have learned so much, and I can summarize it with "WE NEED JESUS" he's IT. Silver and gold have I none, but what we do have is the HOPE and LOVE and GRACE of our SAVIOR JESUS. We need Jesus to fill us with HIS SPIRIT to give us HIS POWER and HIS LOVE. we desperately do. And I dont care where people live, behind gates, suburbs, inner city or in the slums.

JESUS - the world needs HIM, and why we think that comfort, or things, or relationships or safety can take HIS place, that is a lie from the devil.

And so yesterday, with the sun shining and glimpse to know that the earth is ready to awaken with the buds and new growth, so did our neighborhood, hanging out with the Phil and Allsion and having their little kids playing with my kids, to see my kids over at the Boiler Room helping rake, chelsea and dm, taking a bike ride, the boys playing roller hockey with jordan, brad and michele walking hand in hand visiting with people, Kevin taking our dog for a walk to the fish ladder, seeing Julie and Paula jogging, knowing that three house churches were meeting, seeing young families at the park, seeing Brooke sitting on her front porch enjoying the weather and knowing she was probably praying over her precious daughter that she will be giving birth too in a few weeks, for the tebos coming over and taking interest in our lives down here, dreaming with everyone with how to minster together down here this summer and hearing my kids get excited about it. And ending the night with a campfire with the Tebos's, Max, Chelsea and James....

Yes, God showed me that He is awakening this neighborhood, and it is for our joy that He has called us into this.

I know most days will not be a mountiantop expereince, but we will continue on even when it isnt... Because God is always present, whether he shows HImself like He did today today, through HIS Word, through HIS bride and through the beauty of nature, or whether it is unspeakable peace in the midst of a storm, He here, watching, working, guiding and filling in HIS GRACE with our mistakes so we applaud, and we are filled with JOY, knowing that serving the KING of KINGS.

One day, our HOPE and YEARNING is that we will live on the mountian top with Jesus Christ forever and ever, but we not there yet and there's work to do... Just like Jesus told his disiples on the Mount of TRansfiguation... when Peter asked if they could just stay there...Jesus said no... you must go down and enter into the broken world again (paraphrase).

So here we go...its not pretty but thank God - he hasnt given up on me, praying and believing that there will be a great Harvest...and we get to be part of it and so do you.

I AM

2011-04-01T05:42:00.000-07:00

making all things new... these are the words that I have heard my Abba Father whisper over me the past few months. I stand in anticipation and excitment to see how God is making all things new. He is purifiying His bride to become more like Christ - because God is doing a new thing. I pray into this...

Jesus continue to create in me and my family a new heart, hearts so in love with you, making our flesh feel dull toward the things of this world.. a fierce love in us to love the things you love.

Jesus, re-new our minds daily by your Living Word, give us new understanding and insight into your will and your heart.

Jesus, give Kevin new opportunity to be the bread winner and know that is all comes from Jehovah Jirah.

Jesus, renew this broken neighbor you have placed us in, renew it with your beauty. "Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:19
God is making all things new... God's doing it, one person at a time...

And so when on Feburary 1st, our 20th anniversary, we found out that God had a gift to reveal to us, I smile... because He knew that we needed to have a daily reminder that He is the Creator or all, the Redeemer of all, and the Father to all.

I want to introduce to you baby Smith #5. This precious life that God is knitting together in my womb, it is a grand picture of what he is doing in the world. He delights in His creation and he is a God of detail and perfection.

It's a picture of God working behind the scenes, where no human eye can look, He's creating and restoring. He is writing a story, He is the Author and Finisher of all things. As I type I am again overwhelmed with gratidude, of HIS ways, HIS thoughts, they are so much better than ours.

"I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made"
God reminded me through a teaching at Love Feast this week that the first word formed by a baby is "Abba". God knows whether we are still in the womb or about to enter the grave and every day in between, we have desperated need for our Abba Father.

And so I smile as I think of God whispering over me that He is making all things new, and He is making new creation. And we are gifted again to raise another one of His kids. We do this humbly, and doing this at the age of 40, (I laugh) I dont know, we've grown up some... we know that it is all God, it is, and we need Jesus more that ever.

And so as we go about our daily calling of bringing light into darkness, letting the Holy Spirit that lives in us be the river that runs through the desert, when we get discouraged because we dont see fruit in our actions, or when we parent and we really mess up, or when work is scarce and we dont know where the next job will come from, we are reminded by this life that is growing in my womb, that God is working in the hidden places, He has too, and He is a covenant God, who is always faithful to His promises, we are nothing without Him he is writing our story, to bring glory to his name.
Its a love story of the greatest LOVE and REDEMPTION and we are part of it.

I dont know what God has in store for this little one, but we know that it will be a life filled with HOPE and a FUTURE. And that this new one is LOVED. And we are BLESSED.

Great is Thy Faithfulness

2011-03-11T09:22:00.000-08:00

Today the sun is out (PTL), the snow is melting and I am in the role of homemaker (my very favorite role) because I'm not working and I am in my home, making it a secure, orderly haven for my family Thank you Jesus for this role.

And today I feel so the need to press into Jesus.

Last night we went to our hour prayer time in this season of 24/7 prayer we are having in our neighborhood. This season is called AWAKE, and we got to pray with some dear new friends who even though we have only known for months feels like we've known each other for a lifetime. (That's Jesus - building his family) We sought the face of God, pleading for an awaking in our own soul, and our families, for more of Christ. Oh how good it was to sit in HIS presence

I met with a very dear sister in Christ this morning for prayer (you know who you are). She one of those people we just share deep real things, I ask her "Doesnt your heart ever grow cold"

I feel mine growing cold, and I hate it, I really do. I've been asking God why is my heart growing cold. He has revealed to me that..

I long to see results... I long to see Dave to come and know Jesus and live a life of restoration...but time and time again he shows up sober and wanting and then the next time high and refusing.

I long to see Joe remain sober and living his life in victory because of Jesus, but again and I again I see him, staggering around just surviving, holding his homeless sign up at the highway exits.

i long to see popeye take hold of the truth that Jesus loves Him so much and that all the loss, pain and suffering that he has lived through, Jesus wants to make whole, and turn them into good, but no, this morning I see popeye, in the dumpsters looking for popcans so that he can survive another day on the streets, medicating his hurt with alcohol.

I long to see my refugee boys find their sonship in Christ Jesus, and to know that they are dearly loved, and they are no longer orphans but adopted by the most loving Heavenly Father. And to know that all the horrific things they have expereinced, Jesus was with them, and every tear cried, Jesus cries too. And that God is a just God.

When I share to people about Dave, or others - people ask me...so how are you doing that, or you are a better person than me - I cant put up with people who choose this life style.

I get angry when people say these things out loud to me but if I am honest, they are speaking what I am sometimes feeling.

I want results, I want to see that it is worth it, yes I want it for them, because we love these beautiful people and we want them to be FOUND by Christ,and most the time it does break our heart, but I would love to testify all the fruit that we are bearing in Christ, Jesus is teaching me that it is obediance, that's my part, being faithful day after day, moment by moment...the fruit - that is His business. What he is teaching me is more profound through this calling of steadfastness than He could probalby teach me through any quick miracle is this... its me that needs to learn to perserve, its me that need to take on the love and promises of Christ daily and live them out in this crazy world.

But this world says no, it likes to say that it has been and will always be this way. There are the "haves" and the "have nots". Its survial of the fittest. And that is the lie that to some extent we all believe.

But God says " It is not by power or by might...but by my Spirit."

People are hurting everywhere, another earthquake and tsunami in Japan - hundred dead...

The earth is groaning for the return of Christ...are we? The more we experience the hurt and brokeness in this world the more we groan, the more we are put through trial the more we are made like Jesus and the more we groan, the more we enter into other peoples hurts and needs and God opens us up to the hurt, the more we groan...the more loss the more groaning.

because it is in all these things that we find Jesus and we are reminded that this is not our home, we have a far better place waiting for us. I see Jesus in our homeless friends, He is with them whether they believe it or not, I see it with my refugee boys, Oh...God' heart is so for the orphan. I see Jesus in my single mom friend who is raising her beautiul boy by herself, and who is tired. I see Jesus in the families who have taken in the orphan, and even though it is hard at times, He is so seen, I see Jesus in my brother as he lives with a heart condition, and has finally had surgery, trusting God to be the Healer. I see Jesus in my parents as they live their lives to bring the HOPE and LOVE of Jesus to everyone they know and dont know.

I see Jesus in our own trials, I not only see Him I meet with him, because even when our circumstance in the world's eyes seems pretty bad, Jesus is there saying trust and peace I give you, and I am refining you through this stripping to be more radiant for me.

And so as I am praying and pressing into Jesus today, I am asking Him to reveal things that are good but are getting in the way of Him. Even good things can be enemies of God.

One thing that I am praying through is sports in our family. We love sports. I grew up in a family of sports, Kevin loves sports, and I have many sweet memories, our kids are very gifted in sports, and we have been blessed to watch them play and really see the glory of God in them as they play. They learn a lot from sports and we know it is of God. And it has been a great way to get into people's lives but...

Sports in our family take up a lot of time, and we dont even do the "travel teams"

We are praying about asking our kids to pick two sports instead of three. I know to some of you reading you say "well that is a no brainer" but to us it is a big deal.

I listen to voices saying "they are only young once" "no regrets, looking back wishing they had" "they are going to let the team down" " its good to keep them busy"...really?!! so busy that even if our intentions are good we are still conveying the message that you need to give your best in the sports you are in...you need to get good grades, you need to work.. be involved here..be involved over there.. perform perform perform, how do we teach our kids to rest, to be in God's Word..to develop their own relationship with Jesus. How can they be used for the Kingdom in their schools if they are not getting filled with TRUTH they cant I dont care how good of kids they are. "Its by my Spirit" says the LORD

Why is it we dont take the training of our children up in the way of the LORD as serious as we take training them in sports or whatever. We can talk about the game, spend hours training for the game, play the game, think about the game...do we do the same for training them to be disciples, warriors, contenders for the Gospel, exposing them to the heart of God.

Paul says that there is some worth in training for the games but not even close to the worth of training for the race of life and the Kingdom run which is eternal.

In Exodus God commands His people to "teach your children, when you are walking, talking when you lie down, speak about thses things...put them on your doorpost tie them around your neck"

I dont know about you...but running after the good things leaves very little time to run after the best. We can say this, agree with this but are we living this.

God is not saying go live your life in a cave, and just read my word and pray and Im not considering that but I am asking the questions, how off balance are we. How much have we conformed to this world and have justified everything.

How often in God's word does he say, pray continueously, meet together, spur each other, edify each other, serve each other, give to the needy, be about the poor, and the orphan. We only have so much time in one day.

Our Father in Heaven is serious about us, he is pursuing us, and He has work for us, he wants to bring the lonely into families, He wants to be the Restorer of our own souls,We are meant to live this life to the full, but we need time to get charged up by the Spirit.

Our God never changes, He is the same yesterday, today and tommorrow, but times are changing, I know I cant get by anymore with just bare minimum of Him and a lot of the world because I feel my heart growing cold, I need Jesus to whisper that He loves me and He loves the lost world and to find HIM I must be going where He is at.

Strength for today
Bright hope for tommorrow
Blessings are mine with ten thousand beside

Great is thy Faithfulness
Great is thy Faithfulness
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All that I have needed thy hand has provided
Great is thy Faithfulness unto me

Today

2011-03-01T12:31:00.000-08:00

I feel incredibly blessed, not because of anything grand, but the Spirit of thanksgiving is in my heart today, believe me not everyday is like this, but God is teaching me a lot and giving me His eyes, and today I choose to see through HIM.

Thankful that the sun is shining, and Spring is making its way slowly but surely.

Thankful for my job, today working with some courageous and Jesus loving people, all with different skin color. I love being part of the family of Christ. I love my brothers and sisters who are from All Nations.

Thankful for my family, God has given us a sweet season of growing together and putting a mission on our hearts. To see all of us growing in Christ - really there is nothing better. To see my kids interacting with three new boys from africa that we had over this weekend. so sweet...

Thankful for Kevin, for the way he lives his love for Christ by being the biggest servant to others, to watch him work so hard and never complain, to see him love our kids and take the role of fathering as the calling on his life. For not ever wondering if I'm the most important person to him..because he reminds me all the time that I am.

Thankful to take my dog mya for a walk today down to Jenn's house on 2nd street and have a great conversation of thankfulness,family and grace.

Thankful to see DanMike riding his new motorcycle around the neighborhood.. just another sign of spring.

Thankful to hear from Dave, our homeless friend, that is still sober and he's taking care of some health issues so that he can go to Mission Bible, just calling to say he is doing well, and he is...

Thankful to hear kids laughing and playing on the playground acoss the street.

Thankful for my home.

Thankful that I get to go and watch my kids use their talents whether on the atheltic fields or singing in a concert or whatever else and seeing them having the time of their life.

Thankful to hear from dear friends in Zambia today through email.

Mostly thankful for Jesus... that he hasnt given up on me, and he is showing me that he is constantly making all things new... He is you know... its up to us to take time and see. He's making all things new, He's working in our struggles, He's working in our weakness.

Even though there are only glimpses of Spring and winter seems like it will hold on forever, God is working, the earth is preparing for the budding of flowers, the trees are preparing to bud and leaf and turn green, the cold and snow wont be here forever.

We need to hold on, He's doing the same for us, Oh how much more does He love us over the sparrow or the lillies of the field. He's making a new creation.

PRAISE HIM!!

Grateful...

2011-02-13T13:04:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a low key day. Our family hasnt had that in a long time and it was welcomed. I had the chance to be in prayer for Sawyer, who was at a Youth Retreat...praying God would move in his life.. just being home was a gift.. I love our home. (FYI... God moved at the YOuth Retreat:)

But I had a chance to read through all my journals over the past 19 years and couldnt believe all the answered prayer... so many answered prayer and prayers that I have been praying for 19 years and still praying for believing that God is ABLE... And writing down the journey God has been traveling with me and my family and how through my entries I could testify that God has molded me and made me more like him through the struggles and through expereince not through the comfortable.

I heard a pastor preach that God is writing our story, just like the people of the Bible, what is so great about the greats in the Bible. They all have one thing in common, they failed miserably and yet they were obediant to the call God put on their lives they just knew that they knew even when it looked crazy or stupid to the watching world and God worked through that.

Reading in my journal from 2006 on about how God started speaking over us, that he impressed that he would be uprooting us, people speaking into our lives that knew nothing about us, Africa being introduced to us, the Boiler Room becoming near to us.

I dont know, it was so confirming to know that we are following God's lead. And it also confirms that writing things down and remembering things is God's way. Looking back has been amazing.

Our brain is just to small to remember the journey. So as we continue to walk in this broken world, we trust Jesus... We trust him with our time downtown, knowing he has called us to this place for this season, and he is faithful, we are learning so much. And we are trusting God with the passion and dreams for a faraway land and people. After reading through my journal I have a new committment to pray more for the people and land we love, to trust God with the passion and dreams I know are from Him. In His way and in His time, its surrender. I trust him with our kids, praying that they would be messangers for HIM. I trust Him to be Jehovah Jirah - God is our Provider.

A friend prayed the other night "God help us not to settle for the good, when You have the BEST."

Pondering what things in our lives have we settled for the good not letting God give us HIS best.

So I'm recommitting to journaling again. To remember and testify to where God will take us in the next 20 years. When my life story is read I want it to say.

"And this one walked with the LORD".

FAITH IS

2011-01-07T10:53:00.000-08:00

the assurance of things hoped for, the convictions of things unseen. Heb 11:1 ESV

As I looked out my kitchen window just this morning, I see 5 of our homeless friends walking around intoxicated in the cold like lost puppies,

I see the landlords of the house right by us throwing out the possesions of our neighbors who just got evicted this week after her husband has been deported.

We were told that Dave has "fallen off" again after a courageous run of being sober for 2+ weeks. Havent seen him in a couple days and our family misses his company.

I have the priveledge to work at Bethany Christian Services and seeing the needs of the orphan, here and around the world, and despite the great things happening and the families that are opening their heart and home to the orphan, sooo much more needs to be done.

Without Jesus, I would look no different then our homeless friends roaming through life with no direction or purpose.

So as we are beginning 2011, it is my prayer that my FAITH would grow (it is weak a lot of the time), that I would have more faith and trust in our Loving Father in Heaven and the struggles we have we know that God is able to sustain us and lead us, that our HOPE would be seen in our lives... And somehow in God's mysterious way.. he would use us as a place of refuge for other.

We live in a saturated place of "spiritual luxury" in Grand Rapids it is a unique and special place to live. God for some reason has blessed this area. We have strong families, we have many many churches that are committed to being true to the WORD, we have many Christian Colleges and Schools, we even have a Christian Publishing Company where books are being published and sent all over the world for people to read and glean from, we have wealth. We are so blessed here - but God's heart for blessing people is to be a blessing. To be willinging to leave our church pews, Christian friends and family, be open to leave the safe communites and to go. It is easier said than done. And even when it is done it is laborous, inconvenient, frusterating it also is life giving, humbling, life changing... as believers we have the FAITH of things HOPED for and the convictions of things unseen if we dont invest who will?

Let's be a people that God can use to bring heaven to earth. Let's be a people that loves mercy and justice and are walking humbly with our great GOD, lets be a people that are not buying into the rat race of life where we are to busy achieving and investing into things that will not last. Lets be a people that is committed to relationship with Jesus, our families and to the world. Jesus is the same yesterday, today and tommorrow. And HIS Kingdom is coming there is no greater calling than to go and make diciples. It's happening here and all over the world.

Jesus is our HOPE, he's the worlds HOPE. We have the HOPE lets share it.

PS Please pray for Dave, he's become part of this community and part of our heart. Dave needs Jesus, he can go and be sober for weeks at at time, but until he fills his need for alcohol/drugs with his need for Jesus - there really is no HOPE. Dave needs to surrender pray that he does.

I LOVE HERE

2010-12-15T18:36:00.000-08:00

and here is home. That is what Logan said a few weeks back and it makes me smile cause that is what God does, it doesnt matter where you are - when you are walking in obediance it's home because God is present and that is what we as a family has expereince over these past few months.

Living here has exposed us again our despereate need for Jesus. It is ugly and beautiful all at the same time.

Looking out my window right now, there is trash, cigarette buds, dumpy looking houses all in my view. Quite different from living on 100th Street with huge perfectly manicured lawn bigger than a football field, fields and wild life, quiet and peaceful, carefree and no people to see or for that matter to hear. My quiet time with Jesus was singing at the top of my lungs in my home way off the road and engaging in His Word in total quietness, other times it would be taking walks in the woods and laying in the meadow, blown away by God's majestic creation.

I told Jesus this weekend, I miss those times with you, where can I go to find you.

i felt Him speak to my heart "You found me, I'm here with the broken and the poor. I am a huge God and you will find me in the beauty of my Creation Marcy, but you will also find me in the mess so keep loving and looking, I'm here.

And JESUS is here. He was here last night as we went caroling through out the neighborhood, declaring Christ the Savior is born and seeing Delores (a cocaine addict) come out and smile and shouting Merry Christmas, singing to Doc and Pam ( a homeless couple) who heard us singing and tracked us down. Seeing little kids peaking from behind their mom's legs to hear the songs with big smiles on their face. These are just a few snapshots.

He was in the midst of this family he is growing down here, laughing and sharing and eating. From the oldest to the youngest, everyone finding their place and knowing that we are on a mission together here, to love God with all our hearts and to love our neighbor and make the name of JESUS famous.

Jesus was here at 10:00 pm when Sawyer, Sam and Brayden wanted to go outside with a venison burger for Dave and sat and talked with him for an hour.

Following Jesus is not boring, we tell our kids all the time, He is a blast to follow. That doesnt mean that we have to be doing something big - just the opposite Jesus works in the small. Ally said b/f going to bed last night, "I cant believe this is my life, I love it" God is faithful.

This is rich living, is it always easy? not even close, many days it can be hard, and there are days where our hearts go back to the carefree, surrounded by beauty life we had on 100th St... but like Jenn says, there will be pastures and fields and beauty waiting in our forever home, and our greatest day here on earth will only be a bad afternoon in heaven.

He is here - Jesus is bringing peace to chaos, He's doing it in our life and in the lives of our new friends, even if for a moment.

We may not be surrounded by beauty in the landscape, although our friends are bringing beauty into the neighborhood with gardens and flowers and coats of fresh paint, but we are surrounded by beautiful people and it is our prayer that the work God has been doing, He will bring it to completion and that the Westside will radiate the Glory of Jesus, one household at a time.

Now to HIM who is able to do abudantly more than we can ask for be glorifed forever and ever.

Love's Door 4 All Nations - Zambia

2010-09-24T04:38:00.000-07:00

Catching My Breath

2010-09-22T11:28:00.000-07:00

So much to give God glory for over the past month
- We've moved... our address is 717 Davis Ave NW
- Sawyer got his drivers license
- I got a job working at Bethany Christian Services with Refugees. I love it!!
-Kids are back in school.
- Kevin is being so blessed with good work
-Have healthy kids that are very involved with their school's sports teams.
- Have a renewed passion for the orphan in Africa
- Feeling like we as a family are entering into 'new things" and learning so much from the old
-Expereince God as our Rock in a the hardest season of our lives and seeing the end of the tunnel and being amazed that God really does work out all thing for the good.

- So many people in our lives that we love and adore and learn so much from, who have welcomed us in the neighborhood, family that has celebrated and supported us. And new people that we have met and others who we anticipating meeting.

So much praise and that is just a short list...

OHHHH YAY - one more praise - we got a puppy!!! Mya is her name, Bermese Mountain dog and we love her!!!

How is it living downtown?....

What can I say, it feels like home. It felt like home the first night we moved in. And no I'm not romantizing it all... But when you are walking into obediance with God and have this peace that only comes from HIM then your home... and that is what we expereinced.

Our first night here, we got to feed D a homeless man a meal, and when we came home he was passed out on our front porch. He slept there and in the morning we had a cup of coffee with him and listen to his story. Thankful that we could offer shelter to D - he is a son of someone, a brother and dad to someone and most importantly - he is loved by our Heavenly Father.

And so no.... we arent opening our porch up every night to the drunk homeless men - but if they or anyone else needs a place of peace in this chaotic world, we pray that is what our home will be, a place that shouts JESUS.

We are just meeting our neighbors, the kids are meeting kids in the neighborhood, each Sunday Jordan - an intern at the Boiler Room - has set aside time to play roller hockey with the kids, we get to be part of that too.

Love Feast on Wednesday is something we like to be part of too, a great way to meet our neighbors.

We are learning already so much about God's Kingdom breaking in down here by watching Tony and Jenn, Brad and Michelle, Phil and Allison, Brooke and Tim, and the Boiler Room crew - so much more to learn but we're seeing... God created family... and His Body is family... and when we love each other well, have fun together, share our burdens, celebrate in our joys... that's attractive to the watching world... and they want to be part of God's family... we cant do it in our strength but through the love and grace of God we pray our family on the Westside grows, that new brothers and sisters will come home... That is our hope and we feel so very blessed that God has called us here. May we become less and JESUS become more.

More to come...

HUMBLED

2010-07-31T10:46:00.000-07:00

Havent written here for a long time. A lot has taken place at the smith family to be honest, a lot of "desert" time. I heard someone say that we need to embrace the wilderness and the last few months that is what we have tried to do. Not try and run and find ways out but to seek God here, knowing that he has led us here, to humble us, to draw us to him, to let us expereince HIS peace in the midst of chaos. This season has been HIS GRACE to us.

It has forces us as a family to really seek HIM. It has allowed us to expereince grace from family and friends. It has allowed to wrestle with God and HIS calling on our family. It has brought us to our knees many times in humlity. It has brought us out of our comfort where we are totally dependant on Jesus and then have expereinced miracles. It has made Kevin and I really pray through and talk about what is important it has slowed us down.

There are many giants that we all see and encounter everyday, and sometimes the giants are coming in all directions, but... we serve the KING of KINGS and the giants are only going to get as close to us as God allows them too. And Jesus is sitting in the throne, advocating, praying and defending us.

If the LORD delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumbles, he will not fall for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

and I love the promise in 2Tim where it says "even when we are faithless, Christ will remain faithful" Our God is faithful, abounding in love, full of compassion and slow to anger. And that is what we have expereinced so much over these past few months.

As we look back over these past few month, we have seen the finger prints of God all over. It has astounded us, because even as I type about the desert, there have been many times crying out to God "WHERE ARE YOU" and not hearing him answer back - until going to HIS great book and opening it and finding promise upon promise. I love HIS WORDS, I love how HIS words convict or comfort. We have claimed these promises over and over again they have been our lifeline and HOPE. And God is FAITHFUL - we have experineced HIS faithfulness over and over.

Looking back over the past few years - God has put us on a path, a path we would have never choosen for ourselves, but a path that we feel humbled and so blessed to be called to. It started with being involved with The Boiler Room prayer ministry, then Africa and now...

He has called us to live among the poor in our area and join The Boiler Room Community,and learn from and serve each other and our neighbors in the NAME of JESUS.

Yes, we are moving to Grand Rapids at the end of August. We have no idea what to expect, we just know that God has said "go" and so we walk, trusting HIS WAY.

If you get anything out of this blog I hope it will be this: We are a simple, less than ordinary, uneducated, broken family. We fail often, but only through God's grace and mercy He can take all our junk and make into something beautiful - its only because of JESUS - we are clothed in HIS righteousness. He is calling each to go into the world and make disciples. It doenst matter where it is or how it is done - but lets continue to encourage each other and spurr each other on to love God with everything and love others as we love ourselves. We are pilgrams here, we have to remember this, this is not our home - the harvest is plenty but the workers are few.

When the work is done - then we get to behold JESUS face to face - and oh what a day that will be!!

I Need Africa More than Africa Needs Me

2010-05-28T05:35:00.000-07:00

FIXING MY EYES ON JESUS

2010-04-05T06:11:00.003-07:00

"Therefore since we are surrounded by a greaqt cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everyhting that hinders and sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus the Author and Perfetor of our faith." Hebrews 12:1&2

This has been my verse in this season of life. The more I read the Gospels, the more I study the life of Jesus, the more I get to know my Heavenly Fathers heart, the more I see how upside down I have been living, how much my heart is given to the things of this world and how my mind has been conformed to the patterns here.

It has been my prayer over these past few years that I would have the mind of Christ, that my heart would not be divided and that my eyes can be fixed on Jesus. I am a work in process, but slowly I see transformation taking place and it has been through, stripping me of things that I have come to put my trust and worth in. God has been renewing my mind, and has certainly been breaking my heart for what breaks His.

God sold our house on March 7, and we were moved out by March 26. We have been praying for this for two years and God did it in His perfect timing. Although He does have a sense of humor because Kevin had work out in Lousiana, so he wasnt even part of the move and both sets of parents were out of state for the month. God again showed us that we are part of His family, and we were humbled and blown away by our dear friends and family who spent their time taking care of us and helping us pack and move - everything went down fairly easy.

Kevin and I thought that when God sold our house He would have the very place ready for us to move to - the funny thing is we had no where to move to... the house we were looking at in GR sold, and there was not one single thing to rent in Byron Center... so my brother and sister in law have so graciously opened their home until something comes available.

John Piper asked " Can you bear uncertainty?"

Jesus responds to this question " you must, to be a follower of mine" Luke 9:57-59.

We have been living in a season of uncertainty, Kevin has been working for a commerical company and likes it - but it is new and looks very different than working for yourself.

People are always asking us - whats your plan? whats next... and to be honest we think we know, but we just dont know how and when and exactly where God is going to lead us next.

And God has revealed a lot of pride in my heart and also fear of what people think, I'll say it, we will go wherever God calls us to go. We dont want to live anymore according to what the culture says is right, or even how church tradition says how we do church. We want to live in according to God's will - to put ALL our trust in Him. He is our great Provider and Protector - His heart for His people is perfect love - why do we so easily question Him.

God has taught us so much, and has been so faithful in every step of the way in this journey - we will not turn back to our comfort - we will fix our eyes on Jesus and run the race He has marked out for our family because just as Jesus endured the cross, He knew the joy set before Him, we are trusting that God's plan for us is because His ultimate desire for us is for our joy to be complete. What an awesome God we serve!! He is not a far away God - but an intimate God who wahts us to know Him as Abba Father.

And so now we will wait knowing that God "acts on behalf of those who wait for him" Isaiah 64:4

GETTING OFF THE FENCE

2010-02-02T08:48:00.000-08:00

Show us your way, O LORD, teach us your paths, guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Saviour and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:4

For many of you who follow my blog, you know in a vague way what God is doing in my heart, Kevin's heart. The constant tension of having something on our heart and not knowing what God want us to do with it. He has given us a deep love and desire to be a voice for Africa and someday to go there and work side by side with our african brothers and sisters. But here, living in a community of people who are living missionally among the least of these in our area. Where the harvest is ripe but the workers are few.

Well we've been on a fence for awhile, and I think being on the fence has been part of this learning process and surrender process. God has been refining us indivually, as husband and wife and as a family. And we feel like God is showing us - that now is the time to climb down and begin to walk into an unknown. And let me tell you - we've been on this journey before, the last one of going to Africa but before Africa - something that God called us to that totally changed our lives and our relationship with Him was the calling to put our kids in public school.

Ten years ago - after so much wrestling and going back and forth, seeking wisdom - we walked into the unknown. We put our most precious treasure on the school bus that dropped him off at Byron Center Public School. Now to some of you this would be like no big deal. But to us it was huge.

You see we grew up in a community where, church, christian school and family were/are a huge deal. It was the only thing that we known. it was safe, it felt good, everyone knew each other, looked like each other. In fact Sawyer was enrolled there - and we went to Kindengarten round up and I looked around the gym and thought to myself - I am related to half the people here. And if I'm not related to them they are related to others in the room. And hear me. this is not a public school/christian school debate. I have many friends there and I see the work of the Spirit working so beatuifully in many people's lives. But for some reason God had a different calling for our family and that was going to the school down the road. The school I would never have sent my kids to. (at least that is what I was thinking).

Yes, in my pride I thought - how embarrassing that my kids will be wearing black/orange, how embarassing that they would go to school with poor kids, kids that come from divorced famlies, kids that said bad words, and education that is less than the best. My kids deserve more, God release me from this.

In concept I knew - yes the Public schools need Christians, if all the Christians huddle together how will the world know. But God honestly - not my kids - someone else please.

And then when we did surrender this and say yes LORD, the comments from people, and the whole backlash of our obediance was not encouraged, we got the shaft. It was a lonely season. But a season where God humbled us, and where we felt His lovingkindness. It may have been the place where God turned our hearts from Jesus is our Saviour to Jesus is our everything- we started our journey of becoming disciples of Jesus
.
One thing that I was so thankful for was - after a lot of playing the devils advocate, my family came aboard right when the decision was made and cheered us on. That made a HUGE difference

And God has used the public school to be pivital in all relationships. We thought we were coming in to save the day, and what God has done is put people in place to minister to us, that have come from such different walks of life and who's lifes have pointed us to Jesus. We have seen tremendous growth in our kids. Yes, they are exposed to more, but we feel priveledge to walk them through the yuck of life, our own yuck and the yuck of others.

It has brought us to a deeper prayer life - i tell you before the kids were in the school, kevin and I didnt dare to pray out loud, the first thing i did was join a prayer group at our school and I remember leaving there the first time, after hearing mothers bear their hearts to Jesus on behalf of their kids stunned - knowing that there was a HUGE void in my relationship with Jesus. And since then God has shown Kevin and I so much prayer and how he works through our desperation.

And by the way - we love our public school and see God moving. We are blessed to have many Christian leaders, teachers and families. The public school is not such a scary place.

ten years later....

God has been laying a calling on our heart that we have to pursue. It doenst mean that it will happen - but we know that if we dont at least do the footwork - then we are acting in disobediance and arenet allowing God to work.

Part of me is scared to death the other part of me is excited to see what does God have in store for our family.

The calling is moving into Grand Rapids, and joining already established Kingdom communities and learn, serve and be. We have wonderful friends doing this and we have watch from a distance, praying that God would would never call us to that - but applauding them for their obediance and seeing Jesus work in them and through them to the least of these in our area.

We have been playing the pros and con thing for three years - although it has been wise for us to do - we have learned that we cant contain God in a pro/con list. His ways are not our ways - they are bigger and better and in that we need to trust.

So who knows - maybe God will shut the next door and then we dont pursue this road - but for now God is calling us to walk. - So pray for us - we will be talking with people, praying and praying. For three years as a family we have been seeking God' heart - asking Him to unify all 6 of us to the place He has for us - He is doing something in all our hearts - I have told God many times over the past few weeks - "I want off the train now!!!" I want to go back to my Egypt, my comfort, - but we are going to keep walking - knowing that God only reveals one step at a time, He may circle us all the way back to 3375 100th Street, Byron Center. But we are willing to go on this journey and see what we can learn long the way.

May our Saviour, Jesus, be glorified.

VOICES

2010-01-25T06:39:00.000-08:00

So many voices, do you have that too - everyone has their point of view, the way they look at things, their wisdom, their words of advice, their opinion.... and then there is the voice of the accuser, Satan himself, speaking and trying to deceive, to accuse. Voices and noise.

God is God of order not chaos.

Yesterday in church God reminded me that He speaks in His still small voice. And that is the only voice I want to hear. And I want to hear it clearly... I long to hear from my Jesus.

DanMike talked about Hebrews 11. Ive been resting on that chapter this week and thinking and wondering how many voices did Abraham ignore, Noah, Moses, Rahab.

I will follow and go and be anything or nothing - but i need the voice of God whispering over me. I want to know His voice above any - as sheep know their Shephard.

As we enter into a 6 month season of 24/7 prayer with our friends, I pray that God will speak, and i will come to know His voice more intimately.

God is calling, and guiding and so much wants to lavish us with His love.

Speak Heavenly Father - your daughter is listening.

HEAVINESS

2010-01-14T14:08:00.000-08:00

...weighs in my heart today.

Praying and thinking about a family from church that a little over a week ago had a baby girl with Downs Snydrome and a major heart defect. Doctors telling them to go home with their precious little girl and not giving her much time here on this earth. Watching this family walk this heart wrenching walk has been great testimony to living in God's strength. How as parents do you live in a place of "is this the day where Jesus calls her home" and each moment with her having more and more of your heart swell with love for her. We're believing God for a miracle that this precious one will have many days/years here with her family but also knowing that God knows the number of days He has planned for her.

Praying and thinking about another family in our church who got horrible news that their 18 year old daughter got killed in a snowmobile accident. Her funeral is tomorrow. They too, through their raw grief are giving testimony to the goodness of God. Only through His strength.

Praying and thinking about the devastation in Haiti with the 7.0 earthquake. All the lives lost, the pain and chaos that many are living in. My mind cant imagine, Our friends who have been waiting for two years to bring their adopted son home, hearing in their voice the urgency to get him out of there. Also hearing testimony of missionaries there, who run a certain orphanage, getting all the children out of the building and camping under the stars these past few nights - and a midst all the chaos they, with all the little orphans worship - They worship loudly and boldly to the King of Kings causings others to come and find HOPE.

Praying and thinking about our friends in Africa - reading about all the needs, from orphans, to widows, to training the men. Its daily survival for so many people. Seeing a video from my dear friend Vovo, thanking everyone for being the hands and feet of Jesus - and hearing her heart to be a place of PEACE in her dark community of Masi.

praying and thinking about my sister's family who are in Colombia right now, just received their two precious adopted daughters last month, and posting a blog entry today about all the orphans in just one orphanage in Bogota, who so badly want a family or their own - coming up to my sister asking "mia mamma" you be my mom?!! Also, knowing that the journey of parenting is a hard calling - one of the hardest - and yet anticipating what God is going to do in them and through them.

Overwhelming all the hurt, pain, need. Sometimes I can look at all this and say it's too much!! and get stuck at being so overwhelmed and not doing anything.

What God has been teaching me over these past few weeks is about His GRACE in my life. He is showing me my poverty, my need, my weakness, my sin. I dont need to go around the world to find it's in me.

He is showing me that it is 100% HIM. He pursues, He teaches, He opens hearts. It is nothing that I have done or could ever do.

On any given day I know more than ever, that I am so proned to wander. I desperatly seek His GRACE and His STRENGTH each moment. because on my own i always fail.

So having this truth being shown to me in a profound way - I now can look at other's pain, sin, poverty, and weakness and know that this is me and in and of myself there is nothing I can do - BUT also knowing the same power that raised Christ from the grave lives in me. And there is the diffence. ITS ALL JESUS.

And that is WHO I have to offer to this chaotic world.

I am thankful that we have a Father in Heaven - that never leaves us or forsakes us. I am beyond words to know that JESUS entered into my poverty and ugliness by death on a cross, so that I can be raised up from ashes to beauty - just as He is raised up in all SPELNDOR and POWER sitting on the Throne of Grace where we have open access to HIM.

Our calling as His Bride is to ready ourselves for HIS coming - and to bring PEACE into chaos one moment and one person at a time.

May the church rise up - May we each in our own calling and place, make the Name of Jesus Famous by living out our mission boldly and courageously.

Many of our questions will not be answered in this life... but oh, when we see JESUS face to face, our faith will be made sight. So lets link arms and throw off anything that is entangling us and run... run hard after the prize.

13 YEARS AGO

2010-01-09T07:10:00.000-08:00

our beautiful Ally was born. These 13 years raising her has been one of God's greatest gifts to Kevin and I.

I remember that day so clearly, driving to the hospital in a snow storm, wondering to myself, could I ever love another baby as much as i love Sawyer, anticipating and dreaming what our little girl would look like, the labor for her to enter the world was - let just say WOW!! - never had and hopefully never will expereince that much pain. But i remembe rmost the feeliing of complete joy and love and awe when she finally made her way into this world and into my arms.

A beautiful baby girl with lots of thick black hair staring up at me, looking over at Kevin and seeing his daddy love and protectiveness for her bubble over and knowing this little girl was going to be a joy.

And right from the start she was, big brother sawyer loved her even through the months of colic, but by 3 month she was over that but her determination came through at a very young age. Walking at 9 months, talking at 10 months and keeping up with her older brother and mothering her younger brothers.

I have seen so much growth in ally over the years, her caring heart, her get it done personality, her love for little kids, her "nobody is going to walk over me" attidude and the way she is a great sister to her three brothers, and her sense of justice that lays deep in her heart. I listen and see dreams that God is giving her at a young age, and this sense of adventure.

I am so blessed to be called Ally Kay Smith's mom. I have learned so much about Jesus through her young life.

This is my prayer for you Ally - that you would become like Esther, standing tall for the the Lord, and humbling your heart in obediance to HIM, and knowing that you are a daughter of the KING. I pray that whatever comes your way in life that you share all of it with Jesus - He will be there and work in all things. I pray especially Colossians 3:12 that this truth would abide in you

Therefore, God's chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humlity, gentleness and patience....above all put on love - the perfect bond of unity.

Teenager, I look forward to help navigate you through these exciting years Ally, thank you for being the very special daughter you are. You keep shining for CHRIST. I love you more than words could say. And I cant wait to see how God works in these next few years to mold you and make you more like HIM.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALLY - and as much as you dont like birthdays - we are celebrating you!!!

2010

2010-01-01T10:08:00.000-08:00

...what will it bring. what will this next year bring, this next decade.

i love new beginnings, i love them more and more, stepping into something new.

...but I think one thing that I have learned in 2009 is that God timing is different then mine - that God is God and I am not. And that I have only begun to know a little about surrender.

its been a year where Jesus is teaching me more about the true meaning of the GOSPEL. My mind cant comprehend what He did for me, what He wants for me and what He is preparing for me - And then what He is calling me.

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevail. Proverbs 19:21

I know that God is making me more and more like Him. I feel Him cut things out of my heart and replacing them with Him. And so in many ways this has been a year of journeying in my heart. A quiet and personal journey with Jesus. And God giving me dreams and desires that could only come from Him - but then asking me to trust, wait and walk by faith and not by sight.

As reflecting back on 2009, God brought to mind that last year on Jan 1 2009 is when we invited Lisa and Neil to our home, we have had people living in and out for a whole year, and ironically (maybe) we packed Chelsea up on Dec 31 2009 for Alaska. Our home is just the 6 of us - until God brings someone else. Our home is His and our family is open to whatever He wills. we are sustained only in His GRACE and LOVE.

What will 2010 hold - HOPE and a FUTURE - declares the LORD. For me, sure I will continue to pray for miracles, because we serve and love a God who can, and I will pray for these dreams and desires in my heart to continue to grow and flower, I have lots of them for me and my family. But the greatest desire in my heart is this simple " to glorify Jesus with my life and enjoy Him" - whatever I am doing, wherever I am.

A TRIBUTE TO OUR DOG

2009-12-09T15:51:00.000-08:00

Sitting here in the quiet - ahh
Fire crackling, Christmas lights on
Sipping tea
Waiting for a blizzard to hit
And missing my Cooper..

Cooper is was my three year old Golden Retriever. My baby. If you know me then you know that I am a sucker for dogs. I love them, especially my own.

Cooper as been my shadow for three years, laying his head on my lap everytime I would sit down. He would lounge on the couch and stretch his neck out to look at me with his big brown eyes when I would be working in the kitchen. And always first thing in the morning he would do a little dance because he knew that he would either get a hotdog or peanut butter sandwich for morning snack. He would always sleep on the floor right by me and when Kevin would get out of bed - he knew it was his cue to jump up. He was so good with the kids. Ally would lay right on him and tease him and kiss him and he just layed there waggin his tail.

Cooper got hit by a car this weekend... Dumb dog. He never went on the road - but this time there was a dead deer that he went to and didnt come back.

A weekend of lots of tears. A weekend that our kids got a taste of loss. A weekend where we could go before a loving Father and know that even tears over a pet are cares - He wants us to cast on Him.

We serve a gracious and good God. And I believe that the kids got to expereince our Fathers heart and for that I am so very thankful.

So here's to Cooper the best dog ever.

FEAR

2009-11-10T12:33:00.000-08:00

Fear - its something that I struggle with. Today God spoke into my heart about my fear. He did it in the most loving way.

I have souht out to read the Bible through from cover to cover. I have never done it before, always admire anyone that has.

I am in Deuteronomy, in fact I just finished today. I didnt want to read Det. today. I feel incredibly dry and I had this attitude that God could not possibly talk to me through Deuteronomy and I so badly wanted Him to speak.

I was tempted to go into the NT but I didnt and I picked up God's story where I have left off.

"Be strong and courageous" Be strong and courageous - I will not leave you. Four times I read that today.

I read K blog today talking about a "new name" given to her by God. It made me wonder two things - what does Jesus think of when He thinks of me - do I have a new name waiting for me - and what does my name "Marcy" mean.

I googled it

Marcy means - Brave.

God showed me today that He does make all things glorious - and He and only He can take my fear and turn it into brave - and give me courage to continue to walk in the path He calls me to walk.

I want to be brave.

Reflecting

2009-10-07T15:38:00.000-07:00

Today I have been reflecting over the past 6-9 months and it had been so good for me to do.

Sometimes I can get frusterated with unanswered pray - I have been in a place today of asking God "Where are you" This faith walk can be weary and lonely and somethings I have been praying for years and have not seen God move in some situations... but God reminded today of the past and about His faithfulness in the big things and little. And yes He is active and alive in my life, in my families life and He is on the move. He is wrting a story and teaching me so many things along the way.

We are studying about Abraham in church - I love what his life represented - i always have. Rod was giving this picture of toddlers who are just learning to walk and they are always looking to hold their daddy's/mommy's hand and when they have success they giggle with delight and so does daddy/mommy. That is what Abraham did when he left everything when God asked him to walk.

I love that picture. i feel that way so often - like a toddler learning to walk in this journey we call faith. A tiny step of faith for me is a big deal and takes a lot of effort - but I'm finding out that there really is no greater delight than to walk in the courage given to me by the Holy Spirit and seeing my Heavely Father and expereincing His hand - holding me the whole time and working things out in His time.

He just says walk - I've got you - hold onto me dear one - set your eyes on me - only me - come on child. And I fall and stumble, A lot of the time I get frusterated and throw tantrums when I fall - but My Heavenly Father is slow to anger, abounding in compassion and love.

So reflecting on these last few months has been humbling - so much answered prayer in my life, in my family and friends lives.

Here's just a snapshot of God happenings in my small world.

God has faithfully provided work for Kevin - something we used to take for granted but now know that God is our only Provider. And through this season of walking into the unknown with Kevin and his business, it has strengthened our marriage. it has made us see that we are desperate for Jesus. It has been a hard time but incredibly sweet for us a husband and wife.

We were praying "God fill our house or sell it" - God brought Lisa and Neal into our lives. They moved here 1 1/2 years ago from Detroit - i met Lisa on the bleachers at a baseball game. Neal goes to school with Sawyer. Lisa and Neal needed a place to land for a little while and so they moved in with us for 6 months. It was a sweet time. Today Lisa is one of my clsest friends. A sister in Christ. She is one of the bravest, strongest woman i know. She is a single mom raising a godly boy - she pours her life out for Neal. She loves the Lord Jesus so much and He is her everything. Neal is a like a son to our family - He is a great kid - we count it a gift that God has brought them into our family.

On August 3, they found duplex to live in - in Byron - not far away. The same day - my brother and sister-in-law that have lived next door to us for 10 years - sold their house.

Change... we had our home for sale for 1 year and they put their home on the market and God sold it in two months. WE always thought that we would be the ones pulling out first. But although there were may tears - tears of joy and grieving of what we were saying goodbye to - God's grace was poured out. So incredibly happy for them. They needed a place to land for a month and so our basement being empty again.. So God filled our home again for a short sweet time.

And we have had chels with us since May. Chelsea is someone so special to our whole family. A dear friend from church and she was just coming off an internship from the Boiler Room - a prayer house in Grand Rapids. She too, needed a place to land to figure out the next place to go, and to see God reignite His flame in her - to see her transform before our very eyes and see healing take place has been a gift for us to be part of. God displays His splendor in her and is unraveling piece by piece - His plan for her. So thankful for Chels.

Our kids have started school again. Sawyer, Ally and Brayden all went into new building this year. Logan stays put this year. God has been so faithful again. So much answered prayer has been see in each other their lives. Even though this school year has come with its own challenges - we have been able to take it Jesus in prayer and see him work.

But as the kids grow - especially the older one - I am realizing that my prayers matter more now than ever. We are raising them in a cruel world - a world where, looks, smarts, athletics, are what make you "popular". A place where people are only looking out for themselves, and a place where there is so much broken. I quess that is the way it always has been - It is one thing for me to expereince it - but having your child expereince the yuck of this life is hard - but in those times they also expereince their Heavenly Father's heart. GRACE!!!

Oh my heart crys out on behalf of them that God's Spirit would circumise their heart, teach them, and that they would have hearts of flesh - hearts tender toward the Kingdom of Jesus. It has been so humbling to see God answer this prayer - and even though my kids have a long way to go - just like me. God is doing some neat things in their lives.

I've had the joy of being on the front line of seeing God lead my sister's family on the road of adoption. they have two beautiful children from coloumbia and have been praying that God would enlarge their family. He has given them two beautiful columbian sisters who are waiting in columbia to join my sisters family and us (the extended family). Watching the valleys and the mountiantops of their walk of faith has been heartbreaking and miraculous. And it takes them to Caroline and Marta. God is a great story writer.

God has done so much for me - I have to ask myself - what if God didnt answer one more prayer - would His love he has for me through Jesus be enough. I struggled with that yesterday.

I want to be an oak tree - strong and firmly planted in HIM. when the wind blows I dont want to budge - but declare that my God is good and He is worthy of my everything. That Jesus is my all in all.

Sometime I get tired of praying for the things God can do - I know He loves those prayers - but what I found to be life giving to me today was to sit at His feet and just put my thoughts on Him and all of His Glory and His Love.

I love the song by David Crowder: which has minstered to me so much lately.

He is jealous for me
He loves me like a huricane
I am a tree bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions and ecplised by glory
And I realize just how beatuiful you are, And how great your affections are for me.

He loves us (me) oh how He loves us (me)

We are his portion, And He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, then we are sinking
So heaven meets earth like an unseen kiss
My heart turns violently in my chest
I dont have time to maintain regrets
When I think how He loves us - oh how He loves us

He loves me - oh how He loves me

It's Been a Year...

2009-07-16T11:30:00.000-07:00

This time last year our family was excitingly preparing to go over seas, to a land we already loved to meet the people that God already gave us a passion for.

This time last year, I was dreaming, and praying and imagining what it would be like to go to a far away land that already stole my heart and Kevin's.

It has been two years where there hasn't been a day where my heart and thoughts dont go there. I blogged in one of my very first entries about that. God brought kevin there physically and wreck him there, and somehow in my heart He did the same to me without even going there.

I remember this peace that passed all my understanding from the travels, to setting foot on this great land, to meeting Cedric at the airport for the first time and then Sylvia(I felt like I already knew them). To meeting Nelis and Inesa - who made such a profound impact on Kevin the first time, and feeling like we were long lost friends.

I remember walking into Masi the very first day with a team of people I consider some of my dearest friends today. - WE were on a mission to love people. Even Masi, through all the poverty, and smells and the witchcraft and drinking and drugs - God put a love in my heart for them way before I walk into that community on the dusty roads. Please dont get me wrong though, entering into people's lives where survial was something they had to think about everyday, walking into poverished conditions that our minds could not and still can't comprehend. It was one of the hardest things to do and yet it was the greatest expereince of my life.

Vovo, Christina, Elias, Portia,Godknows,and all the little kids that we would see day after day. Kids so eager for a hug, or to touch our white people's hair. Singing praises to Jesus in an 10x10 cardboard home. These memories burn in my heart. They have become so much a part of who I am today.

You see Vovo and her little guy - they represent even more than a hero to me. They represent millions of people living just like they do. Hungry, Poor, HIV, Widowed, Fatherless, Oppressed - and yet through her beatuiful smile - I see Jesus.

Three weeks in a far away land called Africa - I learned more about the Gospel than I have in my whole life. Thinking about those three weeks - I learned so much, I would have done things differently, I would have spent more time in Masi, I would have loved more - but somehow through my feeble attempts I seen that God through his extrodiary greatness turns my filthy rags of righteous into something beautiful - only through Jesus. God really can use less than ordianary people. He is looking for people who are willing.

Now I know a lot of people say - bloom where you are planted - and that is right on. It is our families desire to bless each other and the community that we live in - and by the grace of God there be fruit in our action.

But what do you do with a deep intense passion for the orphan and the widow... That is what we have been praying about for the last two years. We go from this is a selfish desire, to.. NO this is a calling... to this is a selfish desire.. to NO this is a calling. The cry of the orphan rings in our ears.

I live in a small community (which I love) where we have 19 churches. On any given week this summer my kids could go to Vacation Bible School. One week this summer three churches were holding them at the same time.

I think what great opportunities for the churches to be intentional about reaching our kids with the Gospel. i have seen churches in my community that are Spirit-filled and are so passionate about seeking the lost in our community. I applaud them and are thankful for them.

But there are places, just 15 min away in the city where there is less opportunity to hear and expereince the Gospel, and then there are places in the world where people who need HOPE are forgotten.

The harvest is ripe... the workers are few.

That is the first thing that Kevin said the first time he came home from Africa.

we are willing to be sent LORD, If it is not now then maybe later, if it is not physically being there, then it will be through prayers, finacial (God willing) and through encouragement of the people who are there. We don't want to forget, we want to plead the cause of the orphan and the widow. We know that God has blessed us to be a blessing.

I thank God for the brothers and sisters who live in Africa, the ones we know by name but also for all the ones they represent. WE so love them.

Someday when the King of Kings returns - we will be reunited - praising Jesus - just like in the 10x10 huts - only well all have our mansions, and we'll be neighbors.

Living today to its fullest and still dreaming dreams about furthering His Kingdom in a foreign land. I have learned that even a dream can become an idol - so living in contentment with a heart fully committed to Jesus and trusting is God's Way.

Jesus - today like every other day - I want to thank you for the opportunity to live in Africa for three weeks, thank you for totally messing me up, thank you for humbling me, and thank you mostly for being so real to me through my African friends. You are still using them to refine me.

Bless them and keep them LORD, make your face shine upon them and give them PEACE.

P.S. Jesus, in your perfect timing we can't wait to be reunited with them.

Being the Church

2009-06-15T05:40:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I type in this space. I have tried many times but putting into words what has been going on in my heart has been hard. God has been good, He is a God who has heard my prayers and has answered - not so much in changing my circumstances, or dreams because really a lot has not changed still in the same place but he has again, changed my heart and has filled me with HIs Peace, Joy and Love... but that will be an entry for another day.

Right now I want to capture a truly God filled day yesterday - a day that will lay in my families memory bank hopefully forever.

Our church has been studying "Tale of Two Cities" The city of God and the city of man for the last 6 weeks. Through the leading of the Holy Spirit - we were challenged to "Be the Church" not attend church - and part of this was taking our Sunday church gathering out for two weeks and challenging us to go out on our street corner, prayter walk, gather in homes, pray, seek God as families, enjoy the Presence of God and celebrate.

I woke up to a beautiful day - the sun shining - I got my ipod on and went for a power walk - worshiping Jesus - everyone else stil sleeping. My heart bursting with thanksgiving for all the blessings that God has poured out for me and my family.

After my walk everyone was up and we gathered in our living room f0r family church. We spent the first half of the morning declaring who God is. Asking for His Spirit to dwell among us and showing himself to us. Reading Psalm 25 and then talking about what Fearing God means. The kids during prayer declared who Jesus with to them - as parents we were humbled. The sincere prayer of kids is powerful.

We memorized Ijohn3:16 - talking about love is - Jesus extrodinary love for us and then how we are commanded to love others. This lead us into a of prayer of repentance.

Next we were goingto go prayer walking in our neighborhood - except in my mind I was struggling with this - we live on a busy street not sure how to do it as a family. So Ally suggested that we go on our roof and pray over our whole neighborhood...

So thats what we did and man did we expereince God. Looking over our neighborhood, gazing at the beauty and feeling a cool breeze. It is undeniable how real God is.

I should add though that God brought me through my HUGE fear of heights. IT was not pretty going up and coming down for me. Fear overtook my whole body. Now it is hiliarious but during it was real and paralizing. But my gracious husband and kids were very patient with me. Believe me they seen a side of me that they never knew (and neither did I) Another great reminder of how weak we really are, and we need each other to cheer us on.

After that wonderful morning we went to the beach with Jake and Tory Weilhower and the Sharma family. The sharmas are a family we have come to love so much. They are a refugee family that has come over from Bhutan they have been here for 3 months now. We have helped them get settled into life here. Its our deepest deisre that they come to know Jesus. It was a beautiful day at the beach - it was fun to bring them there - they have never seen such beauty.

And we ended the day with a campfire with our great old friends - The Dyks - along with danmike and chels. laughing at stories being told by dan. Yes a great day - a Sabbath that we as a family will cherish forever in our hearts.

Singing

2009-03-06T07:38:00.000-08:00

"ARISE MY DARLING, MY BEAUTIFUL ONE, AND COME TO ME. SEE WINTER IS PAST THE RAINS ARE OVER AND GONE. FLOWERS APPEAR ON THE EARTH, THE SEASON OF SINGING HAS COME. SONG OF SONGS 2:12&113

I woke up to birds singing this morning. It has been a long time since I have heard that majestic sound. The snow has gone for now. (living in Michigan we can expect snow into April). The windows are open and the sun is shining. I love this time of year. I sent the kids to school today in sweatshirts (no snowpants, mittens etc...) It is a wonderful reminder that winter doenst last forever...

I took a walk today in the woods behind my house with my dogs. The woods with my animals have always been a place of refuge for me. When I was growing up I had horses and we lived on a lot of land. I would go bare back on my horse and be gone for hours in the woods and pastures. My dogs would follow along too, trying to keep up. There was/is nothing like feeling the wind blowing on your face and the feeling of freedom in the wide open.

Today i went walking desperate to connect with my Jesus. Being in the woods and seeing little hints that spring is just around the corner, watching my dogs having the time of their lives chasing down scents with their tails wagging. I love to have my ipod on with worship music on and just walk, sit, and marvel that all creation are under the control of our Creator. The squirrells were running around, the snow disolves, the sun was shining bright, the breeze was springlike, the trees will start budding soon and flowers will awake from under the earth and bloom. In a few short weeks there will be new full vibrant life everywhere.

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday and she said something profound to me that she learned through Esther Bible Study (Beth Moore).

Why does God's Word say - those that wait on the LORD will renew their strength.

I feel like I have been waiting in the LORD for a while now and I dont feel strong, infact quite the opposite.

Maybe its because I'm waiting on the "thing" and not on the LORD. I feel like God has been teaching me to just enjoy him for being Him, and not only for what he can do. I have so many questions, so many unknowns, so many people that I am praying for, so many requests for myself, kevin, and the kids. So many things that I want God to accomplish and I know God still wants to hear the cry of my heart and my petitions and he loves it when i take all my cares to him but He also delights when I totally delight in him as my God, my saviour, my father.

SO today when I went on my walk with Jesus, I just praised him for who he is, I took delight in his goodness, I was awed by his marks on all creation, and I was humbled to my knees of the presence of his undeserving and unfailing love he has for me.

It felt so good to just enjoy the presence of Jesus today. To really sit and "Be still and Know". To know that winter is fading and spring is coming.

I also felt like God used one of my dogs to teach me. (God speaks through all things right?!) no really - my golden has a hurt paw, he is always licking it and nursing it. When I said "lets go for a walk" both dogs get so excited and they prance and run way ahead of me then come back, they are gitty. My golden was limping the whole time and by the end of the walk he was limping quite bad, but he didnt want the walk to end. He didnt stay back licking his wound, but he went on an adventure with his master and was loving every minute of it. And I loved watching him.

I know sometimes I lag behind because I would rather sit in my fear and doubt - and I miss some pretty great adventures that Jesus has for me. I felt like Jesus spoke over me - "Marcy you dont need to be perfect for me take you along, in fact you wont be, and there may be times you are skipping and jumping, there may be times when you are walking or limping and there will be times when you are crawling, but keep moving with me I got you in the palm of my hand securely."

And so as it is said in Song og Songs " Arise, my darling, my beautiful one" I will rise and walk, knowing that whatever season I am in, Jesus is there too.

Winter is over and the singing will again begin. Joining with all of creation exalting the name of JESUS.

COVENANT PRAYER

2009-02-12T06:18:00.000-08:00

I have this prayer in the front cover of my Bible. I used to pray it often, I havent in a long time. I will begin praying this and asking for the grace of God to help me live this pray out. Helping me to love God because his Love is better than life. Learning not to try and conform God into what I want God to look like. As Paul preached - "I preach Christ crucified" that is the way of the cross - But the end of the story is this ; Jesus Won - He Wins

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

and gave him the name that is above every name

that at the name of Jesus every knee shall bow

and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord

to the glory of God the Father.

As so Dear Father:

I am no longer my own, but yours, put me to what you will

rank me with whom you will; put me to doing, put me to suffering

let me be employed by you or laid aside for you, exalted for you,

brought down low for you; let me be full, let me be empty

let me have all things, let me have nothing; I freely and heartily

yield all things to your pleasure and disposal.

And now glorious and blessed God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

you are mine and I am yours

So be it,

And this covenant which I have made on earth be ratified in heaven.

Only through the blood and power of Jesus

Amen

THIS MAN

2009-01-31T06:23:00.000-08:00

is the love of my life and my best friend. we are celebrating 18 years of marriage together. My last entry was about time and wow, time just flies. This entry is a testimony of God's goodness in our lives.

eighteen years ago two young kids got married - literally I was 19 and Kevin was 20. I look at 19 and 20 year olds now and realize we really were just kids.

not having a clue about life just knowing we were in love and wanted to spend our lives together. we came quickly to realize that fairytales are not real life and between then and now we have hit mountian tops and valleys. True love is about give and take and about laying down our own needs to meet the needs of the other. While we dont have a perfect marriage - we have learned a lot in the past 18 years, we have a blessed marriage because we are finding that perfect love is from God and when we seek after Him together and keep him center, then we have His great love to give to each other.

we talk about our dating days (yes we were high school sweetheart and we tell our kids they cant date until college) we used to dream and plan what we wanted our lives to look like - four kids, home on land with a pole barn, Kevin wanted his own building business, I wanted to stay home with the kids, we wanted to pole barn to be filled with four wheelers and a fishing boat, and seriously we dreamed about having two dogs, one old english sheep dog (named prisilla) and a golden retriever (named cody). A life of comfort and pleasure and yes for the blessing of God on it all.

Any one that knows us, knows that God gave us everything that we desired - we are living this dream down to the two dogs - except the names are webster and cooper.

Two years ago, we felt a strong push from God to put our home up for sale, that call revealed a lot about us and how much worth we put into our home and what we had and about how we loved our comfort . It was one of the hardest things to surrender, it took us a year to actually surrender. I remeber the night we put the sign in the front yard, our family prayed that God would send a buyer and prayed for direction. Kevin and I walked down pounded the sign in by the street and then walked to the pole barn and looked at all the abundance that God had given us and we were totally humbled and overwhelmed at the realization that God had given us everthing that our hearts had desired.

The last ten years have been full of rich memories with raising our family, living next to my brother and sister in law and their three boys and doing life with them and all of us growing together. God has also brought along other amazing people and we have learned so much about God and his heart and Jesus and his blood sacrifice, and the power and leading of the Holy Spirit, and He is exchanging our heart of stone into hearts of flesh. He is showing us from the depths that we have been rescued.

He has humbled us by trials we have faced, He has humbled us through our kids, watching them grow and becoming more independent. we are finding and expereincing that truly there is nothing that last forever, season change, people come and go, making money one day and losing money the next, having your health and losing your health, the realization that each day we have with our loved ones here on earth is a gift, that there are no guarentees - our family has walked alongside close friends that lost their 15 year daughter in a car accident 1 1/2 yrs ago. The pain that everyone carries - it is raw and real. It just magnifies the truth that JESUS is our only HOPE and JESUS is our only ROCK.

God is teaching Kevin and I that real living is being real about our own pain and joy, and entering into the pain and joy of others. It is about rejoicing with those rejoicing and weeping with those that weep. Real living is comuning with the God of the Universe, its saying "Here I am - Send me" its about steeping out of the boat, and finding yourself walking on the water - and looking up and seeing its Jesus's hand holding you up.

These past eighteen years have been full of God's outpouring blessing, I know in the past we had taken all that we have for granted... And now we say

who am i , O LORD God, and what is my family that you have brought us this far.

And so looking to the next 18 years + our dreams are different - we are more concerned about blessing God than about God blessing us. we want to build on the last eighteen years and have more faith and proclaim that our God is faithful and good - and even though our dreams were our own dreams - God has used us inspite of us and met us and continues to meet us right where we are at. - now that is amazing.

I am so thankful for my man - the man that God put in my life to journey with. The most amazing thing is that we are growing together in Christ, Kevin is growing each day in the love and knowledge of Jesus, he is humble, hardworking, so hardworking, he provides and protects us, he loves me and reminds me everyday of that, he loves being a dad and is so good at it and he is courageous and he is willing to surrender all our plans and dreams for God's plans. He has an adventerous spirit and he is a "get r done" guy, he will do anything for anyone. I tell everyone that while young love is good - old love is even better.

we are still living at our home, God didnt sell it (not yet) but we are learning that part of this journey is holding on to things loosely and holding on to Jesus with all our might. There is so much freedom in that. whether it be our home, our job, our church, our plans and dreams, our friends, even our children and each other, if we can walk in total surrender each day (and we are just in the learning stages of this) - then we can freely love each other and the world around us.

Jesus, shine through us as individuals, as a married couple, and as a family. Be glorified. We bless you Father. Thank you for lavishing us with your love, for calling us yours. Thank you for a blessed marraige and for the past 18 years. All that we have and all that we are - Jesus - we surrender.

I will end with my favorite verse - that has held true for us -

Delight in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart. Ps 37:4

TIME

2009-01-05T05:31:00.000-08:00

2009... where does time go. i cant believe that i have a teenager, that my baby is in second grade and that i have been married almost (feb 1) 18 years. i cant believe that it was over two weeks ago when winter break started and now the kids are back into school. the 1st of the month always seems to be here to pay bills, months change, season change, life seems to be going so fast and i am realizing more and more that "life is vapor".

time... it seem like i am always fighting against time in one sense and trying to wait paitently for God's time in another sense.

For to him a thousand years are like a day.

2009 i want to be very aware of where my time is spent. time is something that we can never get back and it is a gift from God. What i do with my time i will be held accountable for.

the last two teachings on sunday have challenged me to be more about the Kingdom of God. a tell tale of where my heart is, is where i spent my time and energy.

hunger and thirst for righteousness - for theirs is the kingom of God

God's ways are amazing, His ways are true and good. I am total desperate to fall onto him and ride on his mercy and grace.

I want to make my home a place of security for kevin and the kids to come home to. i want time to sit at the feet of my saviour and know him more and pray on behalf of my family and others who need him. i want to be reminded every moment of my desperate state. i want to draw near to jesus so he will draw near to me. i want to meditate on his words and i want to memorize his promises. i want to draw out the noises of this world and chaos.

as i type i fight with the feelings of being very selfish. i know God wants - no he commands - that we go into the world proclaiming Jesus. But i am finding out that I cant proclaim until i am filled and my first place to proclaim my love for Jesus is to my family and then to the world. not the other way around.

time keeps ticking by, as i see how fast my kids are growing, as i am witnessing and realizing that the things i teach to my kids about life - the truths about this life and life eternal - is going quickly so quickly.. im so very proud of each of them. they have hearts softened to the things of the Kingdom by God's grace.

it may look a little bit different at my home than what is has... starting with me i want to hunger and thirst for righteousness, and i want kevin, sawyer,ally,brayden and logan to hunger and thirst for righteousness. it is saying no - to the things of the world that bid our time - and that is going to take leading and discernement from the Spirit - and it will be saying yes - to things that matter. if i am not teaching and living out what it looks like to live in the world but not of it - then where will my kids see it. everything is going fast - we live in a high speed, instant world - the faster and louder the better.

2009 - if anything can be said at the end of this year come what may - (and believe me there are some huge unknowns out there) - is that i/we have drawn closer to our loving Father and He has drawn close to us. Im claiming all 6 of us on this promise.

The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires or those who fear him and hears their cry and saves them. ps 145:18&19

The LORD is exalted for he dwells on high; he will fill Zion with justice and righteousness.
He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich storage of salvation and wisdom and knowledge, the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure. Is33:5&6

im starting with these two promises, ones that God continues to bring to mind. may i walk in obediance and somehow through His goodness look a little more like my Jesus. Be glorified Jesus in my life in my family. - I cant wait to see where the journey brings us this year.

Kids say the darnest things...

2008-12-18T05:01:00.000-08:00

over this weekend we watch Elf. to me Christmas isnt Christmas without watching Elf. i know a little weird... It is a hilarious movie (at least I think so, Kevin on the other hand well lets just say no so much...)

anyways... all weekend long the kids and i were saying lines and singing songs off Elf. (especially Logan) any one that knows logan knows that he loves a good time and getting him hooked on something is easy to do. His favorite song on Elf is when Elf meets his dad for the first time and sings him a song. - the song is hilarious -

Sunday night we were saying our prayers and Logan was praying and at the end he sings to Jesus ... I love you I love you I love you Elf style.

I dont know - i got to believe that Jesus got a kick out of that - i am still laughing about it - Kevin on the other hand... you that know kevin-his reaction made the whole thing even funnier. Life is funny isnt it... i got to learn not to take it or myself to seriously... enjoy the laughter a little more...

Jesus... he loves to celebrate - he's getting ready for a celebration of all celebrations... this Christmas season lets let all the life struggles and problems go - lay them down - and lets celebrate the King of Kings, Emmanual, God is with us -lets do a little dancing, a little laughing, a little singing (elf style?! maybe not)

Remembering....

2008-12-15T11:16:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we had "simple church" just the six of us as a family. it was a time of testifing to God's greatnss in each of our lives over the past year.

We have a jar that we put stones in to remind us of God's faithfulness.

It was a sweet time and a time of renewing my own faith. Looking back just over this last year and hearing each one of the kids give testimony of Jesus Christ in their own lives and Kevin and I sharing was a time of renewing our hope. I want to give testimony of just a few things our family is so very thankful for, prayers that have been answered and evidence of God's finger on our lives.

Ally -
thankful for making new friends in school,
thankful for her teachers,
thankful that she seen God in real ways is Africa - experiencing that you don't need things to find true joy and that Jesus is more than enough - she learned this through Portia(Zimbabwean)
so thankful for chelsea, michelle, cheraya and missy for loving her and showing her what is means to live whole heartily for Jesus) (you four girls have no idea what you did for ally this summer - thank you from the bottom of my heart - i love you all too)

Brayden -
thankful for improving in writing and reading
thankful for being in south africa - learned so much about Jesus - learned alot from Tim and sbu - both lived in masi - live a life of sacrifice for jesus and are both full of joy and love. also learned a lot from beckie - a little boy in masi (10 yrs old) that always had a smile on his face and was out going even though he didnt have much.
thankful for danmike, brad and jeremiah - thanks guys

Logan -
thankful that grandpa van is cancer free
thankful for being in mrs fergusons classroom
thankful that he is getting better at reading
thankful that God keeps him safe when we walk in his ways

sawyer -
thankful for the time in south africa -
thankful for simeon (white southafrican) and tim. learned a lot from both about being a believer of Jesus. thankful for the time each one gave him.
thankful for danmike, brad and jeermiah - thankful for the time and love they give him - and also for being example to him about what it looks like to live your life total committed to God's way and the joy and peace you have living that way.
thankful for healing his broken foot - God did a miracle on sawyers foot this past month - sawyer broke it playing basketball and was told that he would be out 4 - probably 6 weeks - but God thought 1 1/2 weeks would do. and so sawyer not thinking that he would play any b-ball this season only sat out 3 games. pretty unbelievable.

kevin-
God has provided work for him - even after the company that gave him 90% of the work over the last 5 years went bankrupt. God has brought along other great contractors to work for and we are not only grateful but humbled by the provision and heart of God.

Thankful for the opportunity to go to South Africa - there were many miracles that happen just to get us there

thankful for nelis,cedric and elias - mighty men that have been a picture of what Kevin wants his life to look like. men in love with their saviour and committed their lives and families to the work of the Kingdom - a life of total trust and surrender - despite circumstances - they proclaim with their lives God is good and worthy.
thankful that God is changing him - his heart - teaching him more about his ways

thankful for having peace in a very chaotic world - despite what things appear to be knowing that God always has our best.

thankful that he is seeing our kids growing in the ways of the LORD.

thankful for friends here - that continue to encourage and challenge him to live his life full of faith.

marcy (me)

thankful that God doesnt give up on me
thankful that God has shown more of his heart to me
thankful for the cross (the sacrifice of Christ and the love displayed there...there are no words...i want all the days of my life to grasp how deep,long,wide his love is for me..
thankful for the opportunity to spend time in SA - found home there -
thankful for inesa and christina, vovo and sylvia - women that i want to be like - women who love Jesus and his ways and love their families. living a full life and a life of faith
thankful for my family - kevin, sawyer, ally, brayden,logan - love my man more and more each year, and i feel so blessed that i am these fab four's mom - life is so full of love and laughter with each of you. i learn so much from you.

my parents - who have from day one been my example of God's love and grace - seeing them grow more in love with Jesus and with each other every year is footsteps that i want to follow in. my sisters kristi,kim,libby and brothers,curt,rod,john, nieces and nephews. so proud of each one of you.. we are all uniquely made and have all been called to different things pertaining to the Kingdom of God - but we are always there to encourage and cheer each other on. i love you all so much

my friends new and old - ive learned so much from each of you, so thankful to journey together with you. God uses you continually to show himself to me.

This list is just a few things that were highlighted yesterday. It is so good to look back, give thanks and it gives me - encouragement to walk forward knowing and believing whatever is ahead in this next year that God is faithful -

He has his eye roaming throughout the earth looking for those fully devoted to him and his ways

I dont know what God has planned for me, my family in this next year - but we want to be where He is at. over the last two years kevin and i have been feeling frustrated/discontent and we are praying into this " is this holy discontent or holy frustration? or just plain discontentment - and if it is that then forgive us Jesus but if this is from you then show us.

Our family, we are praying for specific direction - that God would be clear in his calling over us. please join us in that prayer.

As we celebrate the birth of our saviour JESUS CHRIST this season and really every day - we bless God, and say as David said

Who am i , O Sovereign LORD and what is my family, that you have brought me this far...

REAL HOPE

2008-12-04T12:42:00.000-08:00

I did it again today - i confess that more than not lately - i can get caught into the cynical and the depressing talk which is going all over the place these days. the gloom and doom or the economy, the getting caught up in watching the stock market crash and then rebound. the words of debt, bailout, bankruptcy, no work, foreclosure, rates, governement, and on and on.

i dont mean to be insensitive, because this is real life for many, many people, it is real life to us, but... i so badly want to be like david - when he came back from battle - and all of his possesions, even his wives and children were taken and all the other warriors turned against David " but David found his strength in the LORD his God" 1sam30:6b

this is the time the church - Christ bride must arise and be a shining light. it is a ripe time. God's Word - the more I read it the more amazed I am - it is "alive and active" God does speak through these very pages. sometimes the message is convicting to a point where I need to search my heart and sometime it is encouraging but throughout the pages there is a consisent message - the message of Love and Redemption.

this picture is of a man who is near and dear to our hearts. his name is elais - kevin met him in south africa in the mall - him and logan drove me to mall to do some emailing and they bought a corndog from the stand that elias worked at. we know that it was a God ordained meeting - conversation began - and this man - represented Jesus to kevin and me in the purest way. kevin spent a lot of time with elias and the more he got to know him the more he loved him, and the more he learned about the purest part of the kingdom of God. - you see Elias is a modern day David.

His circumstances through our earthly view is horrible. he lives in a foreign land (his land Zimbabwea is war torn) he lives in a shack not even fit for animals, he was at this time - seperated from his wife and little boy (for 1 1/2 years) and he works harder than anyone and hardly makes enough to buy food and rent for himself.

And yet....Elias finds strength in the LORD his God. I remember kevin coming home from meeting with elias... so humbled to have spent time with this amazing man and learning sooo much from him about Jesus.

Elias - yes if anyone could get down and angry and full of panick he could and no one would blame him - but through the faithfulness of God to his promises:

"the LORD is near to all who call on him...in truth He fulfills the desires of those that fear him, he hears there cry and saves them." ps 145:18

you see - elias is part of the kingdom of God - the kingdom has broken in his life and now it is breaking forth. God has put elias in a very dark place to be a light - and boy does he shine so very bright.

ps. to this story - God did reunited elias with his wife and son after 1 1/2 year of crying out to God. they arrived in masi last week. To God be the Glory. and thank you elias, your life has challenged us, touched us and changed us and we are so thankful for you and your beautiful family.

now the question is do i looking different to the world - am i speaking love and truth - and i bringing peace to a very chaotic place - am i - when it comes right down to it - living for my LORD - do i really trust my Fathers heart - am i finding my strength in the LORD my God - and am i offering His hope - the Hope that I have to the world around me.

despite circumstances, despite the thinking of the world. God's kingdom is really right side up in this upside down world.

i want to be a place of joy, peace, love, gentleness, kindness,goodness and self control. i want to represent jesus in the purest form. the only way is less of me jesus and more of you.

so tommorrow is a new day again - i think i just posted that last time - but it is truth that i need to cling to everyday - God's mercies are new every day - now that is the example of all examples of a Father's Heart. - thank you Father, for calling me child, and for lavishing me with your love and grace, thank you for running toward me everytime i wander wayward and you bring me back to you with your arms open wide, thank you for loving me enough to speak truth into me and wanting to shape me more into your image - help me be moldable and teachable.

thank you for our south african family, everyone one of them, elias and his family, nelis and inesa, cedric, and sylvia, vovo, christina, godknows and tim we continue to learn so much from them - bless them and keep them and make your face shine upon them and give them peace - in jesus most powerful and loving name - AMEN

i want to do this well - i want God to be gloirified in my life - i know that without him - i am no different than the world - BUT with him - He is our only HOPE and He is our Rock and our Salvation there is nothing to fear. God grant me Kingdom eyes and not earthly eyes.

Dreams...

2008-11-17T08:07:00.000-08:00

It has been a long time since i wrote in this space. I have tried a couple times to post an entry but got distracted. Distraction has been a huge issue that i have been dealing with lately and i dont like it.

Today is the first snow fall - and it is cold. Im sitting in my living room with my two dogs enjoying the quiet and the warmth of the fire.

So much has been going on - in our heart (kevin and I). It feels like everything is changing around us and in us and it is exciting but for me very scary.

I am learning about myself that when I am introduced to something new from God i am like a deer in the head lights - I stand and shut down. That is why i need to proclaim Hab3:19. I am a creature of comfort and sameness.

I thought that when I came back from Africa - because getting me there was a journey in and of itself - i could settle back into life as usually - in fact i told a friend of mine - i cant wait till i dont have anything huge lingering over me - i want to live a "normal" life again. Be normal - be a "football mom" be active in my church and school and just get back to "normal".

So that is where I have been living in the past couple of months. And not even to say that it is a bad place - but what I have done is I havent been quiet before God - I havent expressed the desires of my heart, and God has opened my heart and eyes to things, that are now very much part of who i am and so really what is "normal" now. I have stone walled the dreams He has put there because to be frank - im tired and some of these dreams are way out there. so this is what i do - i dont want to go back to who i was - but im scared to make a move ahead because i dont know what that is - so i just sit. And I miss Jesus.

Kevin called me this morning from work and said - you got to listen to the song on the radio "Im coming home". And he reminded me in his sweet voice that todays a new day.

This post may sound like i am depressed - i dont feel depressed nor do i think i am but i also believe that that the devil will use depression, dissension and doubt and distraction to play games with Christ followers. I am dealing with the disatraction and doubt and i need to be at the feet of Jesus to have him replace my doubt with faith and i nned to "be still and know" Jesus quiet my mind - i pray for the mind of Christ. help me to take every thought captive and help me kmake them line up with Christ.

Yesterday at church we read the story of mary when she broke her alabaster jar of perfume on Jesus. And how throughout the gospel story - it was mary who was at Jesus feet. Mary knew - really knew Jesus. SHe knew him as her Christ - her saviour - she knew what it was going to cost Jesus his own life when he raised Lazurus, her brother from the dead - she got it. and she didnt care what anyone thought of her - she was willing to be a fool for Jesus and give everything she had and laid it at his feet. She understood that she needed a Saviour and what love her saviour had for her. She didnt give him 99% of her life she gave everything.

Oh i want to be like her. i felt God whispering over me yesterday - marcy get rid of the "but" "God you can have everything BUT this".

And so as the song says "im coming home" im laying it all at Jesus feet. Search me and know me dear jesus. Help me to dream big dreams - help my family to dream big dreams to partner up with the Living Christ and go and be whatever you may. Help me once again to wal by faith and not by sight. God i need your courage. Thank you for using Steph yesterday to speak truth into me. thank you for pursuing me again and bringing me back home.

Help me to dream dreams that may happen soon or that may happen later but in the process learn to live in the here and now and live each moment despereate for you and seeking opportunity to be your messanger. Forgive my lack of faith and disobediant heart. God you, through your awesome grace, began a good work in me - please let me walk in obediance so that your work can be complete. THe things that you have taught me over the last few months LORD - seal it in me - i dont want that work to fade and I dont want it to be taken from me. I want to continue to grow in your WORD and your TRUTH.

God's mercies are new each day - and so today i will walk in his mercy and in his strength.

Blessed is those who mourn for they will be comforted

2008-10-14T09:26:00.000-07:00

Today a sweet boy who is in sawyer's 8th grade class went home to be with jesus. Jose - a quiet yet fun boy - to know jose was to love jose.

last night as we were talking with sawyer, he told us that the last few weeks that jose was in school this year - he was struggling with so much pain - but he wanted to be in school. sawyer gave us a wonderful picture of: each morning when jose would come into school - because he couldnt walk up stairs that well anymore - mr vander pol would wait for him by the door and scoop him up in his arms and carry him up the stairs. -

thank you mr vanderpol for showing jose love and security but also giving a clear picture of jesus to our kids and his character -scooping us up when we cant. showing love and being the safest place to run.

you see - jose has been in and out of hospitals since 2nd grade dealing with words called cancer,tumor, remission, inoperatable, chemotherapy, hospital, sickness, pain, tiredness. something nobody should have to deal with especially a young boy.

just another wake up call that we are not living in "eden" - that we arent made for this world - that the evil, sin and disease still are very promient here and that the reality that Jesus today is preparing a mansion for those that follow after him. jose is getting a tour of his mansion - and there is no hospital beds, or needles, no doctors - because he is dancing with his Healer today and he really is home.

my mom said some true words " Heavens gain our loss". very true very true.

dont you ever just get mad though - i get mad that a boy has to deal with cancer, i get mad that my sister vovo, in africa, is in stage 4 of aids, i get made at the millions of people going to bed hungry, i get mad at hearing and saying "we're so busy" we're so busy" busy with what!!!, i get mad that families are falling apart, i get mad that the devil is having hayday dividing communities over stupid things, i get mad that we live in culture where everything is performance base and outward appearanced based. i get mad at the pride, my own pride and the pride of this world.

ill start with me - i am desperate for Jesus to pour out himself into my every part of me - my thoughts, my heart, my actions, my mouth - because without him i get so off track - i start to believe the lies, i start to use my tongue to tear people apart, i start to give my heart to the things of this world and i cave into fear. with the holy spirit invading my being - i have his peace, i have his love and i have a confidence that i am a daugther of the King - the Creator of all things.

This world really has nothing for me - nothing - in fact i am getting more and more grossed out by what it trys to offer - a short lived high with a quaruenteed crash at the end.

jesus - be my peace - let me be your peace. without you my life is chaos - turn this sadness into dancing - and may people in this community fix their eyes on you, and may we start being a power force for your Kingdom instead of a divide.

thank you for jose - in his quiet tender spirit he represented you in a real way - may the memory of jose point many to you. may you populate heaven through the life that Jose lived and may he have the front row seat to seeing many coming to know you through his short but very courageous life. i know he is in the great cloud of witness cheering on his classmates - cheering them on toward things of the kingdom -

Your way - blessed are those that mourn for they will be comforted. Jesus, be with the Petroleas give them your comfort and strength. no parent should have to bury their child, that is not your way - thank you for taking on our sorrow, thank you for entering into this dark world and radianting your light, thank you for our hope in jesus, that this is not goodbye to jose - but well see you soon. and help us to love well the people that you put in our lives each day, lets not waste single opportunity to share your love to people - and may your grace be abounding. i love you jesus -

The Fear of the LORD

2008-09-29T06:43:00.000-07:00

Saturday our family met with some dear friends - friends that God has placed in our life to journey together. The time spent together was rich, we feasted, celebrated, and sought after God together. we share our joys and disappointments. we want to be a people that are real about our brokenness, our fears and our weakness. we want to be a people that can encourage one another and spur each other on. And we want to stand together in faith and pray big prayers for our kids.

This gave Kevin and I a great time of meditation and talking about really what is our mission with our kids - what is it. and we come back to Det 6 - Love God with all your heart, mind and strength and love others as yourself. What does this mean - what does this look like and who are they going to learn this from. - That would be us - I talk a lot and think a lot about simple church - could it be that it starts with our four treasured kids. That if we could model this and expereince God together as a family, then we could be used for the world.

My prayer is God show us - where do we begin with this simple mission yet the most challenging. In this world we are bombarded - with the lie of the evil one. Jesus calls the devil "prince of this world" and lately it seems like he has been winning lots of battle especially where our youth is concerned. He is on the prowl - coming back here after Africa - i was almost paralized by the shear dispair we live amongst. Negative additudes, fear, the news of gloom and doom, the election, the bailout, forclosure, putting so much value on things that have no worth for the Kingdom of God - yes we are in hard times - but you know i found myself going down the path of gloom and doom - but Scipture says".

"The LORD is excalted for he dwells on high, he will fill Zion with justice and righteousness, He will be a sure foundation for your times, a rich storage of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge. The fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure." Isaiah 33:5&6.

He will be a sure foundation for your times - a rich storage of salvation, wisdom and knowledge. the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure. - WOW

Starting with me Jesus - help me to fear you more than man. Help me to see you for who you really are. - You make the blind see - help me see.

We have the joy of the LORD - we are more that conqueors - our kids can be victourious in Jesus and so can we and do great things for His Kingdom. Our prayers as parents are these things.

God - may our kids above all fear you and know who you are - to really know your heart - that truly you are for us and not against us - that you lavish your love on us by calling us your children. And that your grace and love is huge - extrodinary.

That they would walk victourious in Jesus - and know your voice. over and over in your word you say that you lead in guide - they would be like Samuel - and at a very young age they would know your voice and follow you all the days of their life.

That they would love your Living Word. They would know that your Word is alive and active, and that it is Truth. that through your Word you would circumise their heart by your spirit and teach them your ways.

That they would be humble - that they would look at the interst of others over themselves and you would give them your heart that their heart would break over the things that break yours.

To have courage to stand tall for you. To become like David and Ester. To be warriors and warrioress for you.

And that would live a pure life and rest in the fact that you have their husband.wife already picked out for them and they would not fall to the sexual temptations of this world. And that right now you are raising their future mates to love you with all their hearts.

And to know that God has a purpose and plan for each one of them and that they are uniquely created in Gods image and in all that they do - do it for the glory of Jesus.

And to have a heart for the nations. To see the Kingdom of Jesus globally and have a love and ambition to go - into all nations proclaiming Christ.

And that when they do fail, that the first place they would run is to the throne of grace - to repent and hear Jesus say - through my sacrifice on the cross, through my blood, you are forgiven, i love you dear one - now go and live in my love and live out my love to others

Okay huge list - but it does sum up into Love God and Love others right.

I think the problem of this nation, families, indivuals is we have forgotten - Who are we, Why are we here. Maybe we should start asking ourselves this and our kids everyday and be reminded daily that:

We are God's children, His holy and dearly loved and chosen people, his ambassoders, his temple, his bride.

We are here to celebrate Jesus, to bring good news to a dark world, to take delight in rich community that centers on Jesus, really to bring heaven to earth, to bring peace into chaos.

God, you speak over my heart - become what you want your children to become. Jesus - i need so much grace and your love, wisdom, power and courage. Hide me behind the cross Jesus, and may our kids see only you.

It was said last night at an outreach meeting and it is words that I have pondered on " You see - God is God - He doesnt need us - and he uses us in spite of us - why? to bring joy to our lives. It is for us. It is for us. Isnt is true - when we expereince and share Jesus - joy always shows up - that's God heart to give us joy. Not always happiness -but joy

" I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete - ... Love others as I have loved you" - Jesus

Living Water

2008-09-11T14:50:00.000-07:00

"If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver,costly stone, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of eeach man's work. If what he has survives, he will receive his reward, If it burns up, he will suffer loss, he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the fire." ICorinthians3:12-15

Bought a new devotional called Living Water by Brother Yun. I usually dont buy many devoitionals but a few years back i read The Heavenly Man - it was Brother Yun's story. He is a modern day Paul - and has an active part in the revial of the church in China. His story touched me deep and after reading it - it made me want what he had/has with Jesus.

This particular devitional is one i read last week but God is convicting me to go back and read and confess that since i have been back from Africa - I have been operating on my flesh and not His Spirit. I am in a dry season. I dont know why - maybe its because of the crazyness of life, or maybe because I was just in aplace where desperation was the normal and there was no where else to go, or maybe it is just me and my weakness and lazyness, and pride.

Maybe God looks the greatest when we can glorify him in the everyday mundane things of life. Maybe Faith is the greatest when the emotion or feeling isnt neccesarily there and you continue to open up Gods Word, and you continue to go face down in prayer.

I feel like the Israelites, who just witness God in massive ways and not so long turned to their own grumbling ways.

God forgive me, help me quiet myself before your throne of grace and pour out your Living Water in every part of my being.

You see walking in the Spirit really does bring joy, peace, love kindness, self control, gentleness and faithfulness.

How many things have I done in my own flesh. According to ICorn 3:12-15 they mean nothing to Christ, they will burn. The only things that will last are the things done not on my own strength but on the super natural power of the Holy Spirit working in me and through me.

"Be holy - just as I am holy", says Jesus - do you ever ask God - what were thinking when you picked me. I feel like God has spoken over me - dont waste too much time on that question marcy - my ways are huge and pride can be just as much thinking to much of yourself as when you think to little of yourself. because none of this is about you anyway - you can sit in your self pity or you can continue to pour yourself out and let me pour myself in and be part of the most awesome story ever told.

Yes I think that God looks great small things - when I love Kevin and the kids well, I know and they know when i am living in my flesh - it isnt pretty. To love and see every person that I come in contact each day through the eyes and heart of Jesus. To act on the promptings of the Holy Sprirt and to not take my self to seriously. Total surrender every moment of every day desperate for the filling of the Spirit.

A friend gave me these words that I keep going back to, also, May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity as you follow the Lord Jesus. Romans 15:5. God gives endurance and He gives encouragement - He leaves us lacking nothing - we just need to humble ourselves and ask.

God thank you for being slow to anger and full of compassion - At the end of the day I want to make You proud. and hear the words "Well done my dear one" May you be glorified in this broken vessel. I love you Jesus - Your daughter

Re Entry

2008-09-03T05:38:00.000-07:00

Its been a week since we were in Masi. I miss it so, just got an email from Godknows - celebrating that we have a new sister in Christ - the mom who God gave a new shack to. She just received Jesus. we prayed and prayed that she would not remember us but that Jesus would be glorified and seen. another answered pray -

Our last meeting with the team in Africa we talked about re-entry. I listen but seriously thought that re-entry would be no big deal for me. I would slide back into life here and not miss a beat. I think that I was the most excited to get back into the football practices, and school and the rythem of our life as we are used to.

WOW - to be honest - i am struggling. we went to our high school football game the day we got back - Had the warmest welcome from our great community and family- we are so blessed!! Everyone asking "How was the trip?" I found/find myself fruserated with not being able to put into words what we expereinced and witness and what God is doing in our hearts.

The whole trip was about God's greatness - God working in and through us - broken people - that really have no clue on what to do. Each morning trying to gear up to enter into Masi - crying out to God to lead us by His spirit. To give us the mind, heart, hand and feet of Christ.

I want to scream "the God we serve, the Jesus we live for - He is for real!! we know that because everywhere we look He is there - in the despair - He is there - in the poverty and disease - He is there. I blogged before about God's glory being radiant everywhere. It is true.

It is not about going to church, we are the church, or the programs offered, or who has the best youth group or worship music, who has the best preacher. It is about getting alone with Jesus crying out to him getting in His Word, getting in a small community of other believers who are desperate for the Holy Spirit to invade every part of their being and going into the world with God's power, love and joy.

We are processing and praying through what God wants to continue to teach us. In Africa the darkness is evident - when the presence of Jesus comes in - his light is almost blinding, so radiant!! - here in the western world we live in darkness also, we just dont realize it as much because we have so many false "lights" Jesus can become just another light - but He is THE Light. - Jesus please let the scales fall from my eyes - let me see you and your ways. Let me be just as desperate for you here as I was in Africa, let me see my own weakness and let me not be swayed by the patterns of this world. Let me continue to walk in faith and not sight.

Two different worlds - Africa and America. God is the God of all nations. We can learn from each other. This life is a fight - In Africa it is a fight for life survial, here it is a fight to not fall into the patterns of the world.

I know that God is faithful to all that seek after Him. that is all He wants - For us to surrender to Him and His Ways - not because He is a mean God - but because His Ways are always for our best. He loves us more than our puny minds can imagine.

God I want to be more desperate for you - show me my desperate state. Help me not to be blinded to you by the false floursent lights and all the noise but let me set my eyes and on THE LIGHT - Fix my eyes on you, Jesus - you are my author and perfector of Faith.

HIGH and THE LOWS

2008-08-26T04:34:00.001-07:00

of this expereince and God being in all of it. Cant believe that today is our last day in Masi. time flew by. The guys put the shack up for the single mom. Brad, michelle and Jeremiah were the heros - they tore the old shack down and the stench, cockroaches, black mold, and other creepy things were all in the rotten wood. It was so eye opening to see the reality of what people live in. Kevin, danmike, and our boys brought the new shack down to Masi in pieces. They had lots of help putting it together, watching the new house go up was so great. A new home for this single mom. May Jesus be glorified!!

WE met with Christina and Vovo on Friday. Vovo lives in the Wetlands, and we would go to simple church at her house twice a week. We never got real one on one time - our time with her was studying Gods word. Last Friday we met - just us girls, chelsea, julie, me, christina and vovo - and we got to know each other. vovo shared her story - she was married and her husband cheated on her and then came back HIV positive - giving it to her. So vovo is HIV positive now. she is no longer with her husband and she is caring for her four year old little boy. she is a wonderful mom - her reality is she lives in a tiny shack (8x8) she has no job to support herself and her son, and she is HIV positive. the tears ran hard on friday between all of us girls. what can we say - nothing - we sat with her, cryed with her, hugged her, and called out to Jesus on her behalf.

Vovo is a strong woman in the LORD - she told us that this life is a fight - and she knows it better than any of us. But since she has come to know Jesus (this past April) she is fighting for the Kingdom of God to continue to grow among the woman in Masi. When the guys were building the new shack for this mom - it was vovo out there helping and being an encourager to her. Vovo was so happy for her - and vovo like so many others could use a new shack also. You see i love what Missy Weisman just blogged - it is so true - sometimes we can be the hands and feet of Jesus to the poor and the oppressed - but they are always the face of Jesus to us.

I gained two new sisters in Christ over the last couple of weeks. Christina and Vovo. I have learned so much about Jesus. How can we spend only two short weeks together and have a heart full of love. It is only Jesus. You see - these are two woman that I would want to be like. They know real Joy and they know real Hope. I have a long way to go on both. Yes Vovo - this life is a fight - and you are doing it where it is so hard. YOu shine so bright.

Walking into Masi on the first day - i was naive and probably a little prideful - coming in to save the day - walking out of Masi on the last day - very humbled to have walked alongside these amazing people. I cant pretend to know what life is like for them, not even a little. I could walk down from my beautiful team house into MAsi, stay for a few hours and leave. I type with tears streaming down my face. I have learned so much from them.

So much to process and pray through. I know that God is breaking our hearts over what breaks His. And i want him to continue to work on my heart. our hearts desire is grow in the knowledge and love and power of our SAviour Jesus and continue to see more and more what the kingdom of God is suppose to look like in our lives.

There is so much more to share and I will use this space to process and tell more stories and testify to the goodness of God. This has been a life changing experience. Words cant describe all that we saw, felt,and witnessed. Surely the LORD had His hand on this trip. TRuly amazing to walk with HIm.

SNAPSHOT

2008-08-22T00:46:00.000-07:00

into the lives of the people that God has put into the lives of our team.

Porsha - single mom from Zimbabwae - new believer - celebrated her sons 1st birthday yesterday, praying for the lump on her breast which is now shinking (keep praying) she her give her life to the LORD and seeing God building her up into a strong leader for the women in Masi. Helped her started a knitting business and she her pour herself into this and seeing her reap the benefits of her hard work. Also watching her be a blessing and offering hope and help to the women in her community. Only Jesus.

Stella - a young girl from Zimbabwae - just had a baby two weeks ago - so scared and no place to live b eing a new mom is scary in and of itself but under her conditions of literally being in a foreign land and homeless with no one. She left her newborn son in a field and God miracously rescued this baby and has since reunited Tommy with his mom Stella. Watching Porsha give what little she has to Stella, and seeing All Nations come around Stella and teach her the basics about being a mother (to burp your baby) when to feed - Pray that through all this she meet Jesus. Her real hope.

Tasaborse - The young mom who has aids and lives in a mud hole practically with her two small children. God is using us/you to give her a whole new shack (thank you friends and family)

Elios - Zim man who Kevin has been meeting with - he is seperated from his wife and two kids - they re still in Zimbabwae. not $ to get them here. his heart aches to be reunited with them. He loves the LORD though and finds His hope and strength in him. He has been a blessing to get to know.

Godknows - 17yr old orphan who is looking for a way out of Masi - Has been hanging with our group and we are praying that he would find work and that God would continue to build him up into a leader of Africa.

Henry - A man that Jeremaih and Brad are meeting with - he is from Zimbabwae also, he is a believer - he is seperated from his family also and he just got word a couple of weeeks ago that his two year son died in Zim. He longs to go back but cant.

Pacoma - an abused teenage girl who left her home and is living with another family. Looking for love and guidance.

There are many more people that we have met. and they all have a story along these lines.

I was feeling a bit overwhelmed yesterday with all of it and then we came together as a group and sang and laughed. The kids are a greace to us because they love to have fun and they help us not take ourselves to serious. God didnt ask us to save the world - Jesus did that - we just need to be faithful to bring the joy and love of Jesus to the lost and then lay it at the cross. Such a rich time. Makes me so grateful for home and what God has belssed our family with. Family and friend who love us and who are journeying with us, our home and our community, our schools - education is such a gift, jobs - health - but the most important is JESUS - just give me JESUS. We are experinceing His love, grace, strength and miracoulous powers each day. It is a rich time - hard at times yes - but so rich. We love you - Marcy

POVERTY

2008-08-20T01:25:00.000-07:00

What do we do with it? It has been something we have been trying to wrap our minds around. The more you get involved the more complex it becomes. It can be so overwhelming that it is easy to say - forget it. But Jesus didnt say forget it. In fact over in the Bible God speaks about being the father to the widow and the orphan, and HE is the Defender of the weak andthe oppressed.

I meet with Christina - she is a new believer - a single mom and hungray to study God's Word. She is reading James so as a family we are reading it. The words that pop off the page " Pure and faultless that is pleasing to God is looking after the widow and the orphan and not being corupt by the world". Go down to chapter 2 and he says the "poor in the eyes of the world are rich in faith and His kingdom belongs to them." we are so seeing this truth. I usedto think that these verses were for the sake of the widow and the orphan but I think it is Gods grace to us - becxause spending time and sharing our lives with the poor we are finding is Gods grace to us. It is seeing God's Kingdom on earth in its purest form.

WE went whale watching the other day - that was a grand day - The weather was perfect and God made the whales dance for us. It was soo incredible - but driving there we passed another township (i dont know the name, I will find out) where 1.1 million people live - just for perspective Masi has 30,000 people. SA is truly a unique place where 1st world and 3rd world are right across the street.

What I am also learing is that we just need to be faithful to what God is calling us to do each day. " Who despises the day of small things" If we each do our small part somehow God works through it and wilkl make all things beautiful. Gods gloryu is everywhere in the mountians, in the ocean, in the sunsets, in the whales, in the faces of our african friends. in the laughter of the children. Just taking time to see this has been huge to me.

Today we will start gathering materials and building a new shack for a single Zim mother who has two small children and she has AIDS. she live in an 8x8 shack with no floor and no roof. when it rains she has puddles and it is always damp. Praying that she shes the love of Jesus in this act of love. This is what you are all a part of. Meeting the needs of the distress widow and orphan. So humbling to be part of God's family, you are all part of this mission, praying for Gods blessing on each of you. Gotta go - Marcy

SIMPLE CHURCH

2008-08-17T03:15:00.001-07:00

Today is Sunday, we are taking in all the beauty if this day. The weather here has been to good to be true. Everyday b/t 60-70 degrees and sunny - partly cloudy. The beauty is breath taking. Ouyr group is going to Cape Point today - it is one of the most Southern points in Africa. It is where the Indian Ocean and the Alantic Ocean meet. God's greatness is reaveal alot through the waters. The water is uncontrolable, powerful and beautiful. We will be worshiping on the beach tonight - Godknows wants to tell us about what God is teaching him - what powerful testimony to God when Godknows says over and over God is good. He tells everyone God is good. Godknows has nothing. Yet he pocesses so much - The knowledge of the love of Jesus Christ. Godknows has never been to Cape point so we count it an honor that he would go with us today. I was reading in Proverbs today 22:2 the rich and the poor have this in common - The Lord God is the Maker of us all. Such profound truth. TRying to figure out what to do with all we are seeing and seeking God on His direction. This is hard stuff to process. IT seems like there is always tension with being thankful for what God has blessed us with and not feeling guilty. I think that God like us living in that tension it makes us constantly seek after His will and His way for us. He has a specific calling on everyone. And it is up to each of us to listen to the call He has on our lives. I do know that God's heart is for the poor and the oppressed. We are seeing Jesus through the eyes of the children.

I apologize for no pictures my laptop doesnt work, so i buy minutes at a Cafe. So bear with my typing I feel like I am always typing against the clock. Praying your Sunday is blessed with rest and time with Jesus. WE love you all - keep praying. Thanks mom and dad and Curt Kim taylor sam and david for taking care of my dogs. I know it seems silly - but it really does mean a lot. There my boys. Again we love you.

Knitting

2008-08-16T04:41:00.000-07:00

Today we went to the wetlands to play soccer with the kids. Brayden was all smiles - there were so many kids and we had a great soccer match in the field. The little kids are so hungray for attention and love, and touch. they are beautiful kids. Godknows has been with almost all the time. He is a Mighty Man of God - He spoke about Jesus to the kids in the language. We will go back on tuesday to play again.

In the morning I had my quiet time and our house is up the mountian, and from the deck we can see the township of Masi. I was reading about the prodical son and how the Father ran to his son. The tears came then as I know that is my story - that God ran to me and how he desperatly wants the people of Masi to run to Him. He has his arms wide open. My heart breaks for them. The needs are huge - everywhere you look there are desperate people in desperate situation. And the people that let the Word of God enter and they believe in Jesus it is so powerful to me to see what Jesus means to them. He is there only hope. Even the name Jesus - saying it brings so much power. WE are praying for Porsha, she found a lump on her breast and the doctors are telling her that it is cancer. This is nursing her 10 month old son and the doctors told her to stop. Nursing is his main food. So it has been so difficult, we are praying and believing that the lump would be gone. Please stand in that prayer also. She is alone and she is scared.

It is awesome to see everyone in the group using their different giftings. Sheraya just happen to bring her knitting to use during her down time - but God had different plans - she is teaching Porsha how to knit slippers, so then Porsha can start a small business and make a little $ to support herself. Shereaya has spent hours already knitting and talking with Porsha. It is beautiful. Everyone is doing so well and we are seeking hard after God each day together. We are truly nothing without Him. The harvest is ripe.

A typical night for us is, a dinner is made by Syvia, so deilcious, after a long day in Masi to come home to a great meal has beeen a huge blessing, then we play games, sing, worship, talk, laugh, watch little house on the praiire. And go to bed.

The next couple of days we will be sight seeing in the afternoon. Taking in the beatuy of South Africa. We will meet with people in the morning and then go sight seeing in the after noon. We love all of you - please join us in prayer AWAKE AWAKE OH MASI - AWAKE from your slumber and set your eyes on Jesus the Author and Perfector of our Faith. Sign off - Marcy

AWESOME GOD

2008-08-14T05:57:00.000-07:00

We are seeing so many answered prayers already. As a group before coming we prayed for specific people tyo pour Christ love into and He has placed some a mazing people into our lives. DAnmike and Kevin mety this boy (17yrs) named Godknows (dont you love that name) he is an orphan from zimbabwae. He has nobody here and has been spending all his days with the guys of the team. Asking lots of questions about Jesus and really taking in all that He is learning. He is also a b-ball player. He has a lot of potential so we pray that the words of Christ take deep root into his life. That little boy that I was telling you about named backie - he is an amazing boy. he plays with logan everyday asfter school and he can speak english which is rare for little boys to speak. he has a lot of charisma so our prayer is that we would be able to meet his family. Christina is a single mom that I have been getting to know. she was just baptized a month ago and is so eager to learn about Jesus. Many of us went to different house churches last night. So powerful to seek after God with our African brothers and sisters. A lot of the girls in the group went with Missy yesterday to meet some children that are orphaned or that will be soon. Their parents have died of AIDS or are dying. It was an emotional day and a lot to process. One of our prayters is that we could use the extra money that God has blessed us with and use it for these children. My time is running out on the internet (everything is timed) so i need to sign out. Blessings - Marcy

Basketball Shoes

2008-08-12T05:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon Sawyer, Kevin, Brayden, Logan, DanMike and Jeremiah went and played B-ball with some guys from Masi. Tim (a local missionary) has organized this b-ball time with some guys. Last year Sawyer and Kevin played only a couple of times. But one of the times SAwyer went without Kevin and saw that a teenager didnt have any shoes and was playing in flip flops - so after playing Sawyer gave his shoes to this kid. Yesterday the first person to show up at the b-ball courts was this kid (i am sooo bad with names) - he took a look at Sawyer and then pointed to his shoes. The sme shoes that Sawyer gave to him last year.and began to thank him profusely. He remembered Sawyer from last year, only after seeing him twice. God didnt have to give sawyer the opportunity to meet this boy again but in His huge grace did (1st day in Masi) it was profound to Sawyer. This boy gave his life to Jesus this year and I have a feeling that we will be hanging out with him and his friends hopefully a doorway into the lives of the lost. Logan also met a little friend last night (Becky) a little boy) while everyone else was playing b-ball Logan was climbing trees with Beckie. Brayden and Ally are coming into their own also. At worship this morning Brayden asked if wecould organize a play day with the kids who live in the wet lands, Masi is so poverished - the smells and the trash and the hungry kids and families, but the wetlands is behind Masi with no roads and is more poverished. Brayden has a real desire to help these little kids out. His big smile and his love for kids is a gifting he picks them up and loves on them. Pray for opportunity for Braydens desire to come to pass. Our time as a team coming before the LORD is WOW!! WE are seeing answered prayer, which we are so grateful for. but coming into the presence of God - really there is nothing like it - In His great love continues to transform us.

This morning during prayer time it hit me - after I still struggle with short term missions - the need is so great and sometime I wrestle with how does our time here really make a difference.

God is showing me that if we just came here in on our own to do good then it would be here today and gone tommorrow. But partnering up with our Almighty God and letting Him work through us - then it is not us at all doing anything and God's work is everlasting - He can grow any seed that is planted - We can encourage people and be the voice of Jesus. God's Word does not return void - Yes - Gods Way is not our way - and we dont understand sometimes but His way is so much bigger. So we go and walk by faith that through us He does work. Isnt our God amazing!! Our team is doing great together - we spurr each other on and let everyone use their own giftings. It has been amazing to be in community with Julie, Sheraya. Chelsea, DanMike, Michelle, Brad, Jeremiah and Missy. Please pray for each of us. God is opening many doors for each indiviual. Julie has made relationship with a young mom, whose mother is a witch doctor in Masi, she is very receptive to Julie and wants Julie to keep coming back. Its only our 2nd day in Masi but it feels like we have been here for a long time. The guys will be playing b-ball again tonight and we (girls) will be going to our 1st simple church meeting tonight with teenage girls. Missy meets with these girls weekly. Looking forward to this. Learing alot about simple church. I will blog about that later, Anyway praying all is well at home. WE miss everyone but we are taking in all our time here and holding out our hands to serve but also to receive from God all that He pours out. And praise God it has been 70 degrees and sunny since we have been here. Signing off- Blessings in Christ

MASI

2008-08-11T05:35:00.000-07:00

Today was our first day in Masi. The long anticipation of meeting the people that our hearts already loved. We prayer walked this morning in the village. They live in little shacks with 4 walls and a tin ceiling. The ladies keep their place so clean and are so praoud of what they have. The Kids are doing well. we would walk up and down the streets and the little kids would chase us down, touch our hair and our faces. We had a chance to pray with several people. One story that that was profound was Brad Klaver, Sawyer and Tim (al local) went up to some woman and asked if they could pray for them Brad prayed that they would know their worth in Christ and called them beloved. The woman couldnt hold back the tears. The thing that hits me more and more is that we are all created in the image of God. and our hearts all yearn for the same thing - LOVE - The Love of Jesus and the Love of others. Kevin as a lot of opportunity to do dome building, we are praying for disernemnt to where the biggest needs are, Sawyer and Kevin and the rest of the guys will be playing B-ball tonight. WE will be taking a teenage girl shopping, she is abused and her dad got rid of all her clothes. We are already seeing God Breaking through. please continue to pray. WE love you guys. and we are doing soo good,

GRADITUDE

2008-08-09T05:01:00.000-07:00

This will be a quick entry because i am fighting against the clock (time limit on the computer) WE made it. We are in South Africa and it feels so good. Beautiful counrty, great people, it is soo good to be with missy and jeremiah. they are doing well. the kids did great on the plane, the travel was a breeze. we are going to the ocean today and just have a free day of exploring the area. Sunday will be the same - enjoying each other company and maybe mountian climbing and some orentation for the ministry that we will be doing starting Monday. WE got here at 4:50 am got to the team house we crashed and woke up t noon to a beuatiful day. God is so good. WE love you all wish you were here. Ill type more probably on monday - signing off for now - love - marcy

TRUST

2008-08-04T04:35:00.000-07:00

Three days and counting... My first entry was about my inward jurney with God over this past year. I pray that my inward journey is only at the beginning stage, because it has been the most life changing time in my life. I didnt have to travel to any foreingn land to find brokeness and poverty. I found it in my own heart. Sitting quiet at the feet of my Saviour - I have met a God who is greater that I could have dared to hope for. Surrender. For me it was a wrestling match with God - I was hanging on to what I beleived God to be and who I thought I was. God was telling me to let go. Let go of how I live, let go of what people think, let go of my kids suceeding in sports, let go of being busy even for "God", let go of my pride, my fear, my unbelief. Let go so I can come in and lead.

This winter and spring i have cryed more tears and have had my fist in the air trying to make sense of what God is calling me to be and about two months ago He woke me up and told me to open my Bible. The words that jumped off the page shot through my heart. It is probably one of the first verses I ever learned and I have recited over and over but on this early morning this verse went from my head to my heart

"Trust in the LORD, do not lean on your own understanding but in all your ways aknowlege Him and He will make staight your paths;" Prov 3:5&6

Trust, Trust, Trust - do you trust? Trust and Obey

Jesus says "take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for i am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. for my yoke is easy and my burden is light: Matt 11:29&30

I am finding Jesus words true - running with the herd - trying to keep up and chasing after things that I can never attain is wearisome - when I sit with Jesus and let Him love me - life gets so simple - Love God and love others. God let me love Kevin the way you do, let me build Him up and help him be all that you created Him to be, let me love my kids the way you do, let me see them each the way you do. Give me grace and wisdom to parent them and help them be all that you intend for them to be. Prince and Princess for you. Let me love the world through your perfect love with expecting anything from people but putting all my hope in you.

I started this entry saying three more days - three more days until my family leaves for South
Africa. This calling is one of the wrestling matches I had to turn over to God, He put this desire on Kevins heart to bring our family to Africa. I had the desire but struggled with "is this my desire or Gods desire," and how would we fly 6 people over there and have Kevin take 3 weeks off from work, and really who are we, and what difference could we really make for Christ Kingdom. God had to break me of huge pride and unbelief and spoke over me "Marcy this is not about you even a little bit, this is about Me and My glory, I chose you and I will work through you if you will let me but you need to let go of control" Getting to this point has been grueling and excilirating. He is teaching me that flowing in the current with Him is so much easier than trying to hold on and flow against Him. As I type I wish that I could pencil the words I feel toward God I will try. He is HUGE, AWESOME, LOVING and KIND I marvel at his GOODNESS. He is FAITHFUL to His promises, His ways are incredible, His timing is precise. He is a miracle worker. I have seen so many. The fact that He would choose us is a miracle, the way He has used so many people in our lives to be the hands, feet and voice of Jesus has been amazing. We are a product of Gods Kingdom breaking in and forth. The way people sacrifically give finacially has brought our family to our knees. The encouraging sometime prophetic words spoken to us were key in preparation for this trip. This has been an unfamiliar journey for us - probably because we are walking by faith and not by sight - the spiritual warfare at times has been intense "batlefield of the mind" The prayer that people have offered to God on our behalf is unbelievable. I'm starting to see and understand God's Way. He wants community and fellowship for us - we get strengthen by each other. As we journey to a far away place we take your words, your prayers and love with us. We are going with 6 other people from our church - they have become dear friends to us - we leave August 7th and return August 28th.

I know that what God is calling us to is more than this trip - it is a calling on our lives to continue to seek after Him - To have the scales fall from our eyes and see - really see and to live life desperate for more of Jesus and His ways and less of me and my ways -This trip is a learning opportunity to expereince the heart of God - For He is the father to the orphan, and His heart breaks over the oppressed.

People have been asking "how are you doing, what are you feeling" I want to express that I have NEVER experinced this kind of peace in all my life. I dont know what the next 3 weeks holds for us but I do know who holds our hand. Experiencing that wherever God is at is where I want to be. To God be the Glory for the Great Things He has Done. We love each of you so much. We are blessed by the greatest faimly and friends. I will try and communicate a lot while we are gone in this space. We may be going to Africa physically - we take you with us in our heart - you are the wind beneath our wings.

Signing off for now - lots to be done. Next time I type in this space God willing we will be in a different country. Walk in the truth that JESUS IS VICTOR!!

Delight

2008-07-19T09:09:00.000-07:00

Okay - im doing it - i am a blogger - i never thought i would do this because i feel vulnerable but this blog is my testimony about God's greatness in my life. God has been pursuing me and it has been over this last year that I finally entered into a season where I was quiet before Him and let Him have all of me. I call it my inward journey. Getting quiet before God has been one of the hardest and yet the most life transforming things I do. I have believed in Jesus most my life as my Saviour, but it has only been in the last couple of years where Jesus is becoming my everything, and I feel like i am only beginning this journey, there is so much to learn and discover about God, i know it will take all this life and eternity - and even though most of the things that have occurred between God and me cant be penciled down - i can share that a miracle is happening, there is a little less of me and a little more of Jesus. The whole chapter of Psalm 37 is one I have camped out on and has become a favorite of mine especially vs 4 "Delight in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart." Everyday I pray "God become my delight" He answer this prayer - I am not the same person and God is the delight of my life and the desires of my heart are changing. I so desperately want to live by His spirit and not by my flesh. I want to be about the Kingdom of God and not the kingdom of Marcy. I am so aware that I am desperate for Jesus every second because He is my strength and I am so proned to wander.

So... Jesus is the delight of my life but that is only a part of it, the other truth that God has been trying to infuse in every part of me is that He delights in me. WOW!! There is nothing that I can offer to him. He loves me and you just because He does. When I think of delight - words like happy, love, pleasure, joy, a smile. Does God really think that of me of you? That is the the truth of the gospel isnt it?!! For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. John 3: 16. It is the message of the whole Bible Read Zeph 3:17, Ephesians 1:3-13, how about Isaiah49:16. (Just a few) God has my, your, name engraved on his hand. God who spoke the heavens and earth into existance, the God that all creation bows down to (Ps 19) the God that the heavenly beings shout Holy Holy Holy is the LORD God Almighty, who was and is and is to come. Is the same God that loves you and me so much that became flesh and lived a life of a servant (a servant to us) and died the most horrific death - to make a way for us to come back to Him.WOW - King made servant, Lion becoming a slaughtered lamb, Conquerored the death that I deserve and now is raised up. His name is above every name. And every knee will bow and mouth confess the Jesus Christ is Lord. This is TRUTH! May this truth burn a fire in my gut, may this truth bring me to my knees, may this truth be the truth I center my life around. Forgive my unbelief God - give me more faith to live more courageously for you in my world. Help me to walk by faith and not by sight and thank you God for loving me so much that went to such great length to prove your love to me and that right now you continue to pursue me.

In my life - Jesus be lifted high
In my world - Jesus be lifted high
In my love - Jesus be lifted high