LOVE MOVES

So here we are into 2013...

I have lots of anticipation, excitement and a bit of sadness as we enter into this year...

we know that 2013 will bring change...

the house we live in is being bought by our friends who will be taking leadership over the Boiler Room so we will be moving out...

sawyer will be graduating from high school and is praying and exploring different options for his next phase of life...+

and a couple of other possible changes for our family that we are praying about...

so we kept thinking and saying once 2013 comes then we will start making steps to the place we are feeling God call us to.   we have been here before, and know that what we are starting  is a process with lots of twist and turns but we know that we serve a faithful loving God who has a great plan for us and where we land will be amazing even if it isn't what we expect because it never is anyways...

so in this post I want to reflect on the last 2.5 years... I cant believe its been 2.5 years since moved into 717 Davis grand rapids Michigan to join a community of believers that we love and share what I have learned and experienced.

I have learned that saying yes to God is better than anything that I could have imagined.
I have learned that saying yes to God is the hardest thing I have ever done.
I have learned that obedience is always first and foremost about God wanting to teach me something more about my own poverty  and need and His persistent love for me than it is about  me "saving the world"
I have learned that often love does not win.
I have learned that Jesus always wins.
I have learned that miracles happen many times over in a day...such as living in a dark dark place and having no fear.
....experiencing peace in a chaos - miracle
....having love in my heart for the unlovable - miracle
i am learning that living in community with like minded Jesus loving people is a great  way to live
I am learning that living in community does get messy and can be tiring but in that we  experience the miracle of Gods grace and love for each other.
I have learned that home can be anywhere...
I have experienced freedom from man's approval...

- I have learned that poverty is such a complicated deep issue to take on and learning to live in the tension of knowing that Jesus is the Riches and we as believers hold the RICHES and how to do that...its really as simple as Jesus way...discipleship - one on one...small.
- I have learned a lot about gangs and that little boys as young as three dream about being part of a gang...
- I have learned that my heart can grow cold and become desensitized by being taken advantage of time and time again....and then Jesus showing me that in His eyes, when I am walking in my flesh look no different than these homeless people who day after day look like dead man walking.
- I am learning that my sin looks no different to Jesus than the addict on the street craving the next hit..
I have experienced God's faithfulness time and time again
I have seen God in His faithfulness mold and teach my kids lessons we could never teach on our own about HIS heart for the lost, lonely and fatherless...
I have learned that I look just as much forward to Love Feast on Wednesday nights and seeing my family interact with all our neighbors and homeless as I do any sporting event.
I have learned that saying yes to God does come with an earthly price...it is costly and Jesus says over and over count the cost.
I have learned that I miss carpet, cabinets in bathrooms, basement, basketball hoops, grass and closets.
I have learned that when it comes to mice and cock roaches I still have a long ways to go...
I have learned that the more I learn about Jesus and HIS heart for me and for the world...the more I realize how little I know...
I have learned that there is so much learning, experiencing and growing to do when it comes to God's way...Jesus example is so upside down from this stinkin world we live in...
I am learning that Jesus does not want my good works...He wants me
I am learning that Jesus wants me to crave HIS presence more than His workings.
I am learning that it is ONLY in HIS Presence where I find true life....better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere...amen
I am learning that God has given me today...don't live in the past or the future but live in the mundane of today...and experiencing Jesus here.
- I am learning that doing good feels bad...because there is so much need and  brokenness around me...it makes me feel weak in the sense that I cant do anything to help in most cases and I feel out of control... what do you say to a young mom who's asking for prayer because she will be homeless in a few days with a baby...what do you say to Dave as he talks about all the loss in his life after he just shot up with heroine...or Joe who lost his wife and son and lives on the street and drinks to numb his pain...what do you say to Robert who is ten and already is part of a gang and is assigned to a Parole Officer because he has a record, what do you say to a thirteen year old that is pregnant, or to Roy who has liver cancer and is dying...what do you say to young women who gets beat up by their boyfriends but in their twisted mind they think it is normal or somehow their fault and go back for more, what do you say to kids that stop by your house  on dark and cold wintry night who want a ride to their house, which is a mile away cause their parents are deadbeats... what do you say to the parents who are so broken because their kids got taken away and are in the foster care system, what do you say to kids who are in the foster care system that have never been loved by their parents... it forces me to turn to Jesus who is the only HOPE to this broken world. He's my HOPE... Jesus only Jesus...endless HOPE for endless need

We love the Westside...many days we have Dave Laforest, a homeless man, on our front porch...lately almost every time he sees us he asks " are you guys really moving from the westside...don't know why you came here in the first place..this is no place for anyone to live"...hmmm and we tell him...we are thankful for the westside we love the westside...right now there is no where else we would rather be....until the LORD calls....but what Dave is really getting at is this fight in his heart and mind...he has experienced Jesus love through a community of people who love Jesus...another miracle that God's light and love can be shown through a bunch of ordinary broken people...the fight that goes on....Jesus does win...that doesn't change whether we believe or not...it is just a matter of what side we will be on the winning team of losing....

I am learning that Jesus is more BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING than I can ever comprehend and that HIS ways are so radically upside down from the ways we think are right side up.

i am learning that if all we can offer someone is one moment of peace, or hope, or a place of shelter to get out of the storm, a cup of cold water, a cup of coffee, a meal, a smile, a word of encouragement, an ear to listen to their story (don't we all want to be known and heard) boots, a blanket that somehow God works in this small stuff...it is one moment that a person sees light in their darkness, its a glimpse of Jesus loving them...it all Jesus of course...but isn't that what we are commissioned to do...GO...and when we go then Jesus promises to send HIS Spirit...

i don't know where we will ended up living...but i am forever grateful for our time here on the westside...Jesus is wrecking me...and hes wrecking my family...its not a pretty process, it's showing me my pride, my need, my entitlement i feel.. but i know that we will never be the same and never be able to go back to who we were before...Praise the LORD...we are a work in process.

the greatest thing I am learning is that I am a miracle....Jesus was compelled by His love for me to pursue me and love me and change my heart of stone into a heart of flesh...and now I am compelled to share this great LOVE to the hopeless...Grace all Grace...we as HIS bride get to be part of the GREATEST story ever written...

Amazed and humbled

Yes, again it has been a while since i blogged, to be truthful i dont know what this space is suppose to be, our life downtown has turned into ordinary life, where crack houses, swat teams, homelessness, and dave on our front porch is normal. It is. Seeing our neighboorhood on the news a lot lately, and thinking I know these people, seeing pan handlers on the exits of the highway and saying hi to them because they are our friends...normal There has been many days especially since having Landon where Kevin and I are asking God is this going to be the place where we raise our boy...and we dont have that answer we are just trusting and waiting and trying to faithful in the small, giving thanks to God for this opportunity to learn and seek His Kingdom with some special Kingdom seekers that love Jesus and are willing to give up anything...for the JOY set before them. Yesterday, God in His kindness did the most amazing thing for our family and i sit still amazed with tears. Because really it is with this specific person where all our story for global missions started and should of ended but God kept fanning a flame in us. Eight years ago our family was attending Mars Hill Bible Church... in the bulletin they were looking for homes to host some refuggee africans for a summer... I remember Kevin and I going back and forth, curious about such an adventure and then thinking we have our hands full with our four small kids at the time, fyling to sporting events and school events...wondering what it would be like to have a teenager in our home...week after week the announcement was in there, and i remember praying God if it is still in there next week I will call... I called and yes, that summer eight years ago we welcomed Asria into our home...As I was preparing for her, it was all dreamy about what it would be like...and the we picked her up late on a friday night...and our whole household was turned upside down. I had a teenage girl in my home that didnt speak english (or so we thought), she was a beautiful girl, long black hair, dark skin and huge smile. She came with head lice that took two weeks to get rid, her poor mouth was filled with cavitities, and needed so much dental work, she came with attitude and she knew how to work people and manupliate.

And me I just wanted to love her and mother her...At one point we had an intervention with her and said that she would have to leave our home if she didnt change and become more managable...come to find out in the intervntion that she was fluent in speaking English but this whole time she pretended that she couldnt speak or understand anything we said. She said that she loved being in our home and would change... I lost 20 pounds that summer...I spent so much time praying, crying, questiong God why He would let us have the "trouble girl" in our home out of 13 kids that came, guilty that I brought this chaos into our home... As my friends were all at the local pool, hanging out together and making memories, my time with my kids were going from home to home and hanging out with other families who had these refugee kids in their home. I felt like we were on a missions trip that summer in my own town, in my own home...we learned a bit of Arabic, we learned a lot about what life was like in the refugee camps in the Sahara Desert, hardly no vehicles, camels was the way to transport, no computers and big tents were their homes...my kids played soccer and swam at the beach and went to movies with all these african teenagers... and our eyes were opened to the muslin world as all these kids were muslim.. three times a day we would find asria kneeling down toward mecca and praying to allah. asria was also the ring leader of the other kids, as soon as she was around her friends they would follow her and she would make them laugh and they do anything asria did...then she would come home with us and be so defiant. Seven weeks into this, i was exhausted...no breakthrough whatsoever, my kids, I thought were ruined, it was so lonely, my friends couldnt understand why we would let a muslim in our house. i had spent everything i had with asria... . ...and then with two week left break through started to happen... little by little... where her presence in our family was becoming more and more enjoyable... it was time for her to go and i remember the morning packing her up...she was really quiet...we drove to mars hill and she got out of the van and went to her friends...i got out too, and was talking to the other host parents, she was laughing it up with her friends...and then the greyhound pulled up and the suitcases were loaded and it was time to say goodbye... in my heart of hearts I thought this girl cant wait to get out of here, a quick goodbye and off they would be riding in the sunset to never see her again...asria looked back and waved to me and started climbing the steps of the bus... i started walking to my van...and i turn around and asria is running after me and she just clinged to me and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed...got back on the bus and waved with tears until we couldnt see each other anymore. i sobbed all the way home asking God what was all this, really it was the hardest thing our family had ever done, the first time that we said yes to opening our home to a stanger...and in all the mess, tears and ugly something beautiful transformed...a miracle happened in my heart in my families heart...we said yes to God, and in the end we got what we didnt expect...more of God/b>...finding the pearl of great price...and that was where our hearts, which should have been so turned off to global missions, was broken, changed, humbled and refined to love a forenign people in a foreign land. we flew over the saharah desert when we went to africa 4 years ago, and i remember looking down on the soil thinking, I wonder what is up with asria...and havenet thought about her since. ...And then yesterday...God gave us an amazing gift that we had no idea would bless us so much... ...Asria called on the phone...eight years later...she calls... from the sahrah desert, in her tent where there are no computers, or cars...she called to say thank you...said it was one of the most amazing summers...she kept a letter i written her before she left which had our phone number on it...seriously...she still lives in this refuggee camp which is a world away... i cry as i type because that summer i thought was a disaster, i was at my lowest, it is a reminder that He just wants an obediant heart it is testimony to our loving God...He uses us in our weakness. ... Today she is a momma with a precious 4 month daughter, she is married and she said that she thinks of our family often. that is mind boggling to me. ...God is reminding me that there is a war going on a big war, for souls...He has created each of us with for a purpose...how often do we get caught up with fighting little battles that take our eyes off the big battle that is brewing...how much time and enrgy do we take to fight for things we think are entitled to us, or how we think our lives should look or go... ...God used Asria yesterday to turn my eyes back on the big battle... for lost, the poor, the oppressed, the least of these, his heart for the whole world. God also reminded me that when we are called to something...we need to obey...the rest is up to God, He does the growing. There is a cost to being a disciple of Jesus, how can we think there shouldnt be...Seek first HIS Kingdom...Commit your ways to the LORD...Be about the Fathers business. Lay your life down, love your enemies, do not avenge for yourself says the LORD...we dont fight with the sword but by love...Love given to us in CHRIST...live a low life...it God's way... Its what Jesus did for me for you... He became nothing... Jesus you are so merciful...Free us up and show me the battles that Im fighting that have no eternal gain...Keep fanning the flame for your CHURCH all over the world and where the workers are few and the harvest is great... then send us... Only God could write that story above...So lets Abide, so we can love and then lets go...

Our Cup Over Flows....

People have been asking a lot lately whats next for us...

And our response is we have no idea. We do know that we are resting in this season. And we have rest and peace in our very being so we know that we are where God has us for now. And we are thankful to be in this place. We lived in restlessness for three years and that is not a fun place to live but hind sight we see it as the work of God in our lives... getting us ready for something new, stripping us of junk to prepare us for this, to strengthen our faith muscles and to carry us by grace to see the FATHER'S love in new ways.

We are seeing God doing this in the lives of our friends and family, starting to uproot them, get them thinking about moving or putting dreams and passions on their heart, not knowing how to walk forward and not knowing exactly where God is leading them but being faithful by taking one step at a time in faith into the unknown. I smile knowing the faithfulness of God but knowing the struggle ...knowing what they will find that God carried them to someplace more wonderful than they could ever dream...

This summer has been a gift to our family...we have stepped back from lots of commitments that make us chase and fly around and we are enjoying relationship with each other, family, friends, getting to know our neighborhood. having the boys go to work with Kevin, Ally and I spending quality time together, having family meals again, and inhaling a bit before we get our running shoes on again:) it is building us all closer to the heart of God. There is nothing better.

A few snap shots of our summer...

Sawyer taking a mission trip to Newark, New Jersey...he has come back more committed to his walk with the LORD and has made some friendships that have broaden him, challenge him, and have given him new experiences. I think of last summer at this time as we were preparing to move, and Sawyer was our child that was upset about moving here, I remember praying to God and saying LORD sawyer is our Isaac...you need to get a hold of him cause it is breaking our heart to see him so against this move...God did more that get a hold of him, He is transforming him and Sawyer is thriving. Praise the LORD.

Ally, Brayden and Logan are doing well too, enjoying this relaxed summer, longboarding has become the thing to do here, we walk/longboard to the fish ladder, the kids are starting to adventure out into the city of Grand Rapids on their longboards...a little independance...a lot of trust for me.:) They are liking city life although I know the brayden and logan do miss the country living, the pond, and a place to shoot their guns, so we need to make it a priority to get them in places where they can shoot their guns and get a fishing pole in their hands. Wild at heart - just like Kevin:)

We are having a blast with the guys that live across the street. Max. John, Jake and James...Mighty men that love the LORD. Our kids get front row seats to see these guys live a life devoted to Jesus. When I dont know where the boys are I look out my window and see them sitting on Max's front porch with them talking and laughing. John coming over to grill his 4 pounds of meat every other night. Having great conversations about health, exercise, football and Jesus.

Engagements, babies and puppies are all gifts we get to celebrate in this community over the past month.

We also experienced, break ups, loss,death friends moving out of the neighborhood and new friends moving in.

We are experiencing the summer noise, which is not so pleasant at times, displaying tough love to our homeless friends that live such a self centered life and learning that boundaries are necessary... getting to know the kids in the neighborhood, praying for more intentional living and mission for the kids here. Hearing the dreams God is putting on Tony and Jenns heart about starting a Christ centered school on the Westside for the kids in the neighborhood - seeing the kids flocking to the boiler Room each day at 3:00 to hang out with emily.

God igniting the passion for Africa in our hearts again...feeling like this season is a time of prep and learning and trusting that sometime, somehow Africa will be in our future although it is in our present because its in our hearts whether it be through adoption, short term trips or maybe long term trip or maybe we will experience Africa through one of our kids. God is faithful to make our path firm and straight.

God bringing a precious family into our lives that love the LORD Jesus in the most simple yet profound way and has a common passion for these people (they have adopted two beautiful boys from Africa). Who we met on the bleachers at church last labor day and our hearts were instantly knit together.

Enjoying lake life at my parents, and enjoying family time there as summer is a time to hang out with the whole family. Making memories with the cousins, aunts,uncles, grandma and grandpa. Catching up with each other, encouraging each other toward good deeds and a deeper relationship with Jesus and laughing a lot.

Short camping trips with dear friends, bon fires, movie nights in the back yard, watching God bring the lonely into families, watching our church family care for one another and going into the hard places to advance the Kingdom of Christ.

Experiencing God move mountains in our life, seeing Kevin get new opportunity for his work, and watching him grow into a more humble, godly man who is a picture of a man laying his life down for others. I struck gold with him.

Watching my belly grow and wondering what this precious little boy will look like, what he will be like, standing in humility and amazement that God has this little guy in HIS plan for us. Hearing our kids pray over this bundle, coming up with a name together, dreaming about what it will be like having a baby around...watching my body change and grow and hearing questions from the kids - it is hilarious at times:)

And our dog Mya...sweet sweet dog:)

Is our life perfect...not even close...its hard...but life is hard wherever you are...we found that out...you can live in a beautiful house with lots of land and have lots of extras and life is still hard.

I dont know, I think often what if we said no to this place...to these people, to this adventure as a family. We would have missed out on a lot. It has made us know our need for Jesus more, it has given us freedom from materialism, it has made us jump and experience God catching us. It has made us appreciate the gift of our Byron Center community, the schools and the opportunity our kids have going there. We have experience GRACE - The Father's heart - its all HIM. WE have learned so much but know that we have so much more to learn...

...surely goodness and mercy shall follow us all the days of our lives and we shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

So yes, knowing that our cup overflows, not with worldly riches but riches that are lasting.

Restoring My Soul

The LORD is my Shephard, I shall not want, He leads me by still waters and he restores my soul.

My sister in Christ prayed this over me last week. Then she received a picture of me sitting on a bank by a creek with my toes hanging over the side and Jesus sitting there beside me.

The very next day I took my dog for a walk, not because I wanted to or because I was thinking of finding a creek or thinking about this Psalm, my dog was stir crazy and if I didnt get her out I would go crazy, so off we went my dog and me to a park I often visit with her, but on this day she decided to take her first wade/swim in the creek that runs in this park. At first I was frusterated, yelling for her to get out, becaue she had to get into my van..all wet. But then I spotted a perfect place to sit, on a bank with my feet dangling over the still flowing water, and I felt the presense of Jesus. And Psalm 23 was recited in my head over and over and watching my dog have the time of her life.

Funny, Psalm 23 was the probably the 1st Psalm that I have ever memorized, It is quoted everywhere, even in non-christian circles, its the psalm people give to comfort those who are grieving. Its like John 3:16...we know it so well that sometimes they become only words and they lose the greatest truth of all.

But on this day, for the first time I pondered on the beauty and the promises that are packed full in these words from our loving Father for me. The promise that He leads His sheep to quiet pastures and still waters, the promise that He will restore our soul when we are weary, the promise that He leads us into righteousness so He will be glorified. The promise that as we walk through the valley of death, He walks us through with His protection. The promise that he is preparing a feast for us, and annoints us with oil, so much abudance that our cups will over flow. And goodness and mercy will be ours all the days of our lives and then we will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Finding true peace and rest in this chaotic, rat race we live in, is being drenched with God's word and sitting in His presense. That is the miracle of all miracles, because when these words become truth that we live by, then striving, and worrying, and performing can be relaced with Freedom in and Worship to the Author and Finisher of our faith and to be restful, joyful and peaceful in all circumstances, and knowing when the Great Shephard calls, following him is the safest place to be.

All week been reciting this great Psalm, asking God to make this Psalm real not only in my head, but also in my heart...He is doing that...He is restoring my soul and I am overwhelmed by His goodness and mercy in my life, he knows I need it....and I cant wait to dwell with my Jesus forever and ever. Amen

AWAKENING

WAKE UP, O SLEEPER, RISE FROM THE DEAD AND CHRIST WILL SHINE ON YOU. - EPH 5:14

This is a promise from our Covenant God, our Faithful Father. A promise I am claiming for myself, family and this neighborhood.


I dont think ever in my life have I sensed a need for God' Spirit to awaken my heart to spiritual things, to see things like they really are. And He is doing it bit by bit.

This winter has been long...clouds, cold,now rain. With all the snow melted all i can see is mess, trash, obsene graffitti, kids running around the neighborhood like orphans, homeless people walkin in a constant state of drunkenness. Not much community is going on because its just too cold to walk around and get out, and the walls in my house were closing in.

And to be honest my flesh goes back to 100th street. Cause even on glummy days there was still beauty, and it was my choice if I wanted to enter into the brokeneness of the world around me or retreat, most days I would retreat and enjoy being on the fence of thinking what it would be like living among the most needy in our city, but not actually being there.

God showed me this weekend that the battle within me b/f moving here was the Spirit battling the flesh, God calling us to enter in and our flesh holding on to our comfort. The past month it has been the opposite, the flesh calling us to retreat back into comfort and the Spirit saying "my plan for your family now is here...on the Westside". I can feel the diffence, because when it was the Spirit calling us from Byron, I was restless, now there is bit of a fight but in my Spirit there is a peace that I cant explain, It's a peace that my whole family has.

And so God, being loving and gracious gave me a perfect day... It started out waking up to sunshine and 70 degrees... And then going to church and Ryan preaching in Acts.. the story of Simon the Sorcerer...What God spoke clearly to me through this story was we live in a culture and Church age in the West where we as Christian yearn for "the expereince of God" the mountian top expereinces, the great worship, seeing God do wonders and miracles, and we have over spiritualized everything. And we go from one place to another to look for the mountian top...and this is bad theology. I dont think Jesus felt these mountian top experiences all the time, I dont think the early church was always on the mountain top feeling wowed by God, I dont thing the the persucuted church feels the mountian top most of the time. So why should we...

The mark of the Gospel is obediance period.

And so this weekend remembering the call..."why are we here?" because God called us here, because where we come from the harvest is plentiful, and there is work to be done, but the workers are plentiful too. Here the work is plentiful, but the workers are few, there is great need for the Kingdom of God to break in, that is why we are here.

And whether God chooses to use us to plant seeds, grow seeds, He is the harvester. And He loves mess, to redeem and restore.

Over the past 8 months we have learned so much, and I can summarize it with "WE NEED JESUS" he's IT. Silver and gold have I none, but what we do have is the HOPE and LOVE and GRACE of our SAVIOR JESUS. We need Jesus to fill us with HIS SPIRIT to give us HIS POWER and HIS LOVE. we desperately do. And I dont care where people live, behind gates, suburbs, inner city or in the slums.

JESUS - the world needs HIM, and why we think that comfort, or things, or relationships or safety can take HIS place, that is a lie from the devil.

And so yesterday, with the sun shining and glimpse to know that the earth is ready to awaken with the buds and new growth, so did our neighborhood, hanging out with the Phil and Allsion and having their little kids playing with my kids, to see my kids over at the Boiler Room helping rake, chelsea and dm, taking a bike ride, the boys playing roller hockey with jordan, brad and michele walking hand in hand visiting with people, Kevin taking our dog for a walk to the fish ladder, seeing Julie and Paula jogging, knowing that three house churches were meeting, seeing young families at the park, seeing Brooke sitting on her front porch enjoying the weather and knowing she was probably praying over her precious daughter that she will be giving birth too in a few weeks, for the tebos coming over and taking interest in our lives down here, dreaming with everyone with how to minster together down here this summer and hearing my kids get excited about it. And ending the night with a campfire with the Tebos's, Max, Chelsea and James....

Yes, God showed me that He is awakening this neighborhood, and it is for our joy that He has called us into this.

I know most days will not be a mountiantop expereince, but we will continue on even when it isnt... Because God is always present, whether he shows HImself like He did today today, through HIS Word, through HIS bride and through the beauty of nature, or whether it is unspeakable peace in the midst of a storm, He here, watching, working, guiding and filling in HIS GRACE with our mistakes so we applaud, and we are filled with JOY, knowing that serving the KING of KINGS.

One day, our HOPE and YEARNING is that we will live on the mountian top with Jesus Christ forever and ever, but we not there yet and there's work to do... Just like Jesus told his disiples on the Mount of TRansfiguation... when Peter asked if they could just stay there...Jesus said no... you must go down and enter into the broken world again (paraphrase).

So here we go...its not pretty but thank God - he hasnt given up on me, praying and believing that there will be a great Harvest...and we get to be part of it and so do you.

I AM

making all things new... these are the words that I have heard my Abba Father whisper over me the past few months. I stand in anticipation and excitment to see how God is making all things new. He is purifiying His bride to become more like Christ - because God is doing a new thing. I pray into this...

Jesus continue to create in me and my family a new heart, hearts so in love with you, making our flesh feel dull toward the things of this world.. a fierce love in us to love the things you love.

Jesus, re-new our minds daily by your Living Word, give us new understanding and insight into your will and your heart.

Jesus, give Kevin new opportunity to be the bread winner and know that is all comes from Jehovah Jirah.

Jesus, renew this broken neighbor you have placed us in, renew it with your beauty. "Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:19
God is making all things new... God's doing it, one person at a time...

And so when on Feburary 1st, our 20th anniversary, we found out that God had a gift to reveal to us, I smile... because He knew that we needed to have a daily reminder that He is the Creator or all, the Redeemer of all, and the Father to all.

I want to introduce to you baby Smith #5. This precious life that God is knitting together in my womb, it is a grand picture of what he is doing in the world. He delights in His creation and he is a God of detail and perfection.

It's a picture of God working behind the scenes, where no human eye can look, He's creating and restoring. He is writing a story, He is the Author and Finisher of all things. As I type I am again overwhelmed with gratidude, of HIS ways, HIS thoughts, they are so much better than ours.

"I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made"
God reminded me through a teaching at Love Feast this week that the first word formed by a baby is "Abba". God knows whether we are still in the womb or about to enter the grave and every day in between, we have desperated need for our Abba Father.

And so I smile as I think of God whispering over me that He is making all things new, and He is making new creation. And we are gifted again to raise another one of His kids. We do this humbly, and doing this at the age of 40, (I laugh) I dont know, we've grown up some... we know that it is all God, it is, and we need Jesus more that ever.

And so as we go about our daily calling of bringing light into darkness, letting the Holy Spirit that lives in us be the river that runs through the desert, when we get discouraged because we dont see fruit in our actions, or when we parent and we really mess up, or when work is scarce and we dont know where the next job will come from, we are reminded by this life that is growing in my womb, that God is working in the hidden places, He has too, and He is a covenant God, who is always faithful to His promises, we are nothing without Him he is writing our story, to bring glory to his name.
Its a love story of the greatest LOVE and REDEMPTION and we are part of it.

I dont know what God has in store for this little one, but we know that it will be a life filled with HOPE and a FUTURE. And that this new one is LOVED. And we are BLESSED.

Great is Thy Faithfulness

Today the sun is out (PTL), the snow is melting and I am in the role of homemaker (my very favorite role) because I'm not working and I am in my home, making it a secure, orderly haven for my family Thank you Jesus for this role.

And today I feel so the need to press into Jesus.

Last night we went to our hour prayer time in this season of 24/7 prayer we are having in our neighborhood. This season is called AWAKE, and we got to pray with some dear new friends who even though we have only known for months feels like we've known each other for a lifetime. (That's Jesus - building his family) We sought the face of God, pleading for an awaking in our own soul, and our families, for more of Christ. Oh how good it was to sit in HIS presence

I met with a very dear sister in Christ this morning for prayer (you know who you are). She one of those people we just share deep real things, I ask her "Doesnt your heart ever grow cold"

I feel mine growing cold, and I hate it, I really do. I've been asking God why is my heart growing cold. He has revealed to me that..

I long to see results... I long to see Dave to come and know Jesus and live a life of restoration...but time and time again he shows up sober and wanting and then the next time high and refusing.

I long to see Joe remain sober and living his life in victory because of Jesus, but again and I again I see him, staggering around just surviving, holding his homeless sign up at the highway exits.

i long to see popeye take hold of the truth that Jesus loves Him so much and that all the loss, pain and suffering that he has lived through, Jesus wants to make whole, and turn them into good, but no, this morning I see popeye, in the dumpsters looking for popcans so that he can survive another day on the streets, medicating his hurt with alcohol.

I long to see my refugee boys find their sonship in Christ Jesus, and to know that they are dearly loved, and they are no longer orphans but adopted by the most loving Heavenly Father. And to know that all the horrific things they have expereinced, Jesus was with them, and every tear cried, Jesus cries too. And that God is a just God.

When I share to people about Dave, or others - people ask me...so how are you doing that, or you are a better person than me - I cant put up with people who choose this life style.

I get angry when people say these things out loud to me but if I am honest, they are speaking what I am sometimes feeling.

I want results, I want to see that it is worth it, yes I want it for them, because we love these beautiful people and we want them to be FOUND by Christ,and most the time it does break our heart, but I would love to testify all the fruit that we are bearing in Christ, Jesus is teaching me that it is obediance, that's my part, being faithful day after day, moment by moment...the fruit - that is His business. What he is teaching me is more profound through this calling of steadfastness than He could probalby teach me through any quick miracle is this... its me that needs to learn to perserve, its me that need to take on the love and promises of Christ daily and live them out in this crazy world.

But this world says no, it likes to say that it has been and will always be this way. There are the "haves" and the "have nots". Its survial of the fittest. And that is the lie that to some extent we all believe.

But God says " It is not by power or by might...but by my Spirit."

People are hurting everywhere, another earthquake and tsunami in Japan - hundred dead...

The earth is groaning for the return of Christ...are we? The more we experience the hurt and brokeness in this world the more we groan, the more we are put through trial the more we are made like Jesus and the more we groan, the more we enter into other peoples hurts and needs and God opens us up to the hurt, the more we groan...the more loss the more groaning.

because it is in all these things that we find Jesus and we are reminded that this is not our home, we have a far better place waiting for us. I see Jesus in our homeless friends, He is with them whether they believe it or not, I see it with my refugee boys, Oh...God' heart is so for the orphan. I see Jesus in my single mom friend who is raising her beautiul boy by herself, and who is tired. I see Jesus in the families who have taken in the orphan, and even though it is hard at times, He is so seen, I see Jesus in my brother as he lives with a heart condition, and has finally had surgery, trusting God to be the Healer. I see Jesus in my parents as they live their lives to bring the HOPE and LOVE of Jesus to everyone they know and dont know.

I see Jesus in our own trials, I not only see Him I meet with him, because even when our circumstance in the world's eyes seems pretty bad, Jesus is there saying trust and peace I give you, and I am refining you through this stripping to be more radiant for me.

And so as I am praying and pressing into Jesus today, I am asking Him to reveal things that are good but are getting in the way of Him. Even good things can be enemies of God.

One thing that I am praying through is sports in our family. We love sports. I grew up in a family of sports, Kevin loves sports, and I have many sweet memories, our kids are very gifted in sports, and we have been blessed to watch them play and really see the glory of God in them as they play. They learn a lot from sports and we know it is of God. And it has been a great way to get into people's lives but...

Sports in our family take up a lot of time, and we dont even do the "travel teams"

We are praying about asking our kids to pick two sports instead of three. I know to some of you reading you say "well that is a no brainer" but to us it is a big deal.

I listen to voices saying "they are only young once" "no regrets, looking back wishing they had" "they are going to let the team down" " its good to keep them busy"...really?!! so busy that even if our intentions are good we are still conveying the message that you need to give your best in the sports you are in...you need to get good grades, you need to work.. be involved here..be involved over there.. perform perform perform, how do we teach our kids to rest, to be in God's Word..to develop their own relationship with Jesus. How can they be used for the Kingdom in their schools if they are not getting filled with TRUTH they cant I dont care how good of kids they are. "Its by my Spirit" says the LORD

Why is it we dont take the training of our children up in the way of the LORD as serious as we take training them in sports or whatever. We can talk about the game, spend hours training for the game, play the game, think about the game...do we do the same for training them to be disciples, warriors, contenders for the Gospel, exposing them to the heart of God.

Paul says that there is some worth in training for the games but not even close to the worth of training for the race of life and the Kingdom run which is eternal.

In Exodus God commands His people to "teach your children, when you are walking, talking when you lie down, speak about thses things...put them on your doorpost tie them around your neck"

I dont know about you...but running after the good things leaves very little time to run after the best. We can say this, agree with this but are we living this.

God is not saying go live your life in a cave, and just read my word and pray and Im not considering that but I am asking the questions, how off balance are we. How much have we conformed to this world and have justified everything.

How often in God's word does he say, pray continueously, meet together, spur each other, edify each other, serve each other, give to the needy, be about the poor, and the orphan. We only have so much time in one day.

Our Father in Heaven is serious about us, he is pursuing us, and He has work for us, he wants to bring the lonely into families, He wants to be the Restorer of our own souls,We are meant to live this life to the full, but we need time to get charged up by the Spirit.

Our God never changes, He is the same yesterday, today and tommorrow, but times are changing, I know I cant get by anymore with just bare minimum of Him and a lot of the world because I feel my heart growing cold, I need Jesus to whisper that He loves me and He loves the lost world and to find HIM I must be going where He is at.

Strength for today
Bright hope for tommorrow
Blessings are mine with ten thousand beside

Great is thy Faithfulness
Great is thy Faithfulness
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All that I have needed thy hand has provided
Great is thy Faithfulness unto me

Today

I feel incredibly blessed, not because of anything grand, but the Spirit of thanksgiving is in my heart today, believe me not everyday is like this, but God is teaching me a lot and giving me His eyes, and today I choose to see through HIM.

Thankful that the sun is shining, and Spring is making its way slowly but surely.

Thankful for my job, today working with some courageous and Jesus loving people, all with different skin color. I love being part of the family of Christ. I love my brothers and sisters who are from All Nations.

Thankful for my family, God has given us a sweet season of growing together and putting a mission on our hearts. To see all of us growing in Christ - really there is nothing better. To see my kids interacting with three new boys from africa that we had over this weekend. so sweet...

Thankful for Kevin, for the way he lives his love for Christ by being the biggest servant to others, to watch him work so hard and never complain, to see him love our kids and take the role of fathering as the calling on his life. For not ever wondering if I'm the most important person to him..because he reminds me all the time that I am.

Thankful to take my dog mya for a walk today down to Jenn's house on 2nd street and have a great conversation of thankfulness,family and grace.

Thankful to see DanMike riding his new motorcycle around the neighborhood.. just another sign of spring.

Thankful to hear from Dave, our homeless friend, that is still sober and he's taking care of some health issues so that he can go to Mission Bible, just calling to say he is doing well, and he is...

Thankful to hear kids laughing and playing on the playground acoss the street.

Thankful for my home.

Thankful that I get to go and watch my kids use their talents whether on the atheltic fields or singing in a concert or whatever else and seeing them having the time of their life.

Thankful to hear from dear friends in Zambia today through email.

Mostly thankful for Jesus... that he hasnt given up on me, and he is showing me that he is constantly making all things new... He is you know... its up to us to take time and see. He's making all things new, He's working in our struggles, He's working in our weakness.

Even though there are only glimpses of Spring and winter seems like it will hold on forever, God is working, the earth is preparing for the budding of flowers, the trees are preparing to bud and leaf and turn green, the cold and snow wont be here forever.

We need to hold on, He's doing the same for us, Oh how much more does He love us over the sparrow or the lillies of the field. He's making a new creation.

PRAISE HIM!!

Grateful...

Yesterday was a low key day. Our family hasnt had that in a long time and it was welcomed. I had the chance to be in prayer for Sawyer, who was at a Youth Retreat...praying God would move in his life.. just being home was a gift.. I love our home. (FYI... God moved at the YOuth Retreat:)

But I had a chance to read through all my journals over the past 19 years and couldnt believe all the answered prayer... so many answered prayer and prayers that I have been praying for 19 years and still praying for believing that God is ABLE... And writing down the journey God has been traveling with me and my family and how through my entries I could testify that God has molded me and made me more like him through the struggles and through expereince not through the comfortable.

I heard a pastor preach that God is writing our story, just like the people of the Bible, what is so great about the greats in the Bible. They all have one thing in common, they failed miserably and yet they were obediant to the call God put on their lives they just knew that they knew even when it looked crazy or stupid to the watching world and God worked through that.

Reading in my journal from 2006 on about how God started speaking over us, that he impressed that he would be uprooting us, people speaking into our lives that knew nothing about us, Africa being introduced to us, the Boiler Room becoming near to us.

I dont know, it was so confirming to know that we are following God's lead. And it also confirms that writing things down and remembering things is God's way. Looking back has been amazing.

Our brain is just to small to remember the journey. So as we continue to walk in this broken world, we trust Jesus... We trust him with our time downtown, knowing he has called us to this place for this season, and he is faithful, we are learning so much. And we are trusting God with the passion and dreams for a faraway land and people. After reading through my journal I have a new committment to pray more for the people and land we love, to trust God with the passion and dreams I know are from Him. In His way and in His time, its surrender. I trust him with our kids, praying that they would be messangers for HIM. I trust Him to be Jehovah Jirah - God is our Provider.

A friend prayed the other night "God help us not to settle for the good, when You have the BEST."

Pondering what things in our lives have we settled for the good not letting God give us HIS best.

So I'm recommitting to journaling again. To remember and testify to where God will take us in the next 20 years. When my life story is read I want it to say.

"And this one walked with the LORD".

FAITH IS

the assurance of things hoped for, the convictions of things unseen. Heb 11:1 ESV

As I looked out my kitchen window just this morning, I see 5 of our homeless friends walking around intoxicated in the cold like lost puppies,

I see the landlords of the house right by us throwing out the possesions of our neighbors who just got evicted this week after her husband has been deported.

We were told that Dave has "fallen off" again after a courageous run of being sober for 2+ weeks. Havent seen him in a couple days and our family misses his company.

I have the priveledge to work at Bethany Christian Services and seeing the needs of the orphan, here and around the world, and despite the great things happening and the families that are opening their heart and home to the orphan, sooo much more needs to be done.

Without Jesus, I would look no different then our homeless friends roaming through life with no direction or purpose.

So as we are beginning 2011, it is my prayer that my FAITH would grow (it is weak a lot of the time), that I would have more faith and trust in our Loving Father in Heaven and the struggles we have we know that God is able to sustain us and lead us, that our HOPE would be seen in our lives... And somehow in God's mysterious way.. he would use us as a place of refuge for other.

We live in a saturated place of "spiritual luxury" in Grand Rapids it is a unique and special place to live. God for some reason has blessed this area. We have strong families, we have many many churches that are committed to being true to the WORD, we have many Christian Colleges and Schools, we even have a Christian Publishing Company where books are being published and sent all over the world for people to read and glean from, we have wealth. We are so blessed here - but God's heart for blessing people is to be a blessing. To be willinging to leave our church pews, Christian friends and family, be open to leave the safe communites and to go. It is easier said than done. And even when it is done it is laborous, inconvenient, frusterating it also is life giving, humbling, life changing... as believers we have the FAITH of things HOPED for and the convictions of things unseen if we dont invest who will?

Let's be a people that God can use to bring heaven to earth. Let's be a people that loves mercy and justice and are walking humbly with our great GOD, lets be a people that are not buying into the rat race of life where we are to busy achieving and investing into things that will not last. Lets be a people that is committed to relationship with Jesus, our families and to the world. Jesus is the same yesterday, today and tommorrow. And HIS Kingdom is coming there is no greater calling than to go and make diciples. It's happening here and all over the world.

Jesus is our HOPE, he's the worlds HOPE. We have the HOPE lets share it.

PS Please pray for Dave, he's become part of this community and part of our heart. Dave needs Jesus, he can go and be sober for weeks at at time, but until he fills his need for alcohol/drugs with his need for Jesus - there really is no HOPE. Dave needs to surrender pray that he does.

I LOVE HERE

and here is home. That is what Logan said a few weeks back and it makes me smile cause that is what God does, it doesnt matter where you are - when you are walking in obediance it's home because God is present and that is what we as a family has expereince over these past few months.

Living here has exposed us again our despereate need for Jesus. It is ugly and beautiful all at the same time.

Looking out my window right now, there is trash, cigarette buds, dumpy looking houses all in my view. Quite different from living on 100th Street with huge perfectly manicured lawn bigger than a football field, fields and wild life, quiet and peaceful, carefree and no people to see or for that matter to hear. My quiet time with Jesus was singing at the top of my lungs in my home way off the road and engaging in His Word in total quietness, other times it would be taking walks in the woods and laying in the meadow, blown away by God's majestic creation.

I told Jesus this weekend, I miss those times with you, where can I go to find you.

i felt Him speak to my heart "You found me, I'm here with the broken and the poor. I am a huge God and you will find me in the beauty of my Creation Marcy, but you will also find me in the mess so keep loving and looking, I'm here.

And JESUS is here. He was here last night as we went caroling through out the neighborhood, declaring Christ the Savior is born and seeing Delores (a cocaine addict) come out and smile and shouting Merry Christmas, singing to Doc and Pam ( a homeless couple) who heard us singing and tracked us down. Seeing little kids peaking from behind their mom's legs to hear the songs with big smiles on their face. These are just a few snapshots.

He was in the midst of this family he is growing down here, laughing and sharing and eating. From the oldest to the youngest, everyone finding their place and knowing that we are on a mission together here, to love God with all our hearts and to love our neighbor and make the name of JESUS famous.

Jesus was here at 10:00 pm when Sawyer, Sam and Brayden wanted to go outside with a venison burger for Dave and sat and talked with him for an hour.

Following Jesus is not boring, we tell our kids all the time, He is a blast to follow. That doesnt mean that we have to be doing something big - just the opposite Jesus works in the small. Ally said b/f going to bed last night, "I cant believe this is my life, I love it" God is faithful.

This is rich living, is it always easy? not even close, many days it can be hard, and there are days where our hearts go back to the carefree, surrounded by beauty life we had on 100th St... but like Jenn says, there will be pastures and fields and beauty waiting in our forever home, and our greatest day here on earth will only be a bad afternoon in heaven.

He is here - Jesus is bringing peace to chaos, He's doing it in our life and in the lives of our new friends, even if for a moment.

We may not be surrounded by beauty in the landscape, although our friends are bringing beauty into the neighborhood with gardens and flowers and coats of fresh paint, but we are surrounded by beautiful people and it is our prayer that the work God has been doing, He will bring it to completion and that the Westside will radiate the Glory of Jesus, one household at a time.


Now to HIM who is able to do abudantly more than we can ask for be glorifed forever and ever.

Love's Door 4 All Nations - Zambia

Catching My Breath

So much to give God glory for over the past month
- We've moved... our address is 717 Davis Ave NW
- Sawyer got his drivers license
- I got a job working at Bethany Christian Services with Refugees. I love it!!
-Kids are back in school.
- Kevin is being so blessed with good work
-Have healthy kids that are very involved with their school's sports teams.
- Have a renewed passion for the orphan in Africa
- Feeling like we as a family are entering into 'new things" and learning so much from the old
-Expereince God as our Rock in a the hardest season of our lives and seeing the end of the tunnel and being amazed that God really does work out all thing for the good.

- So many people in our lives that we love and adore and learn so much from, who have welcomed us in the neighborhood, family that has celebrated and supported us. And new people that we have met and others who we anticipating meeting.

So much praise and that is just a short list...

OHHHH YAY - one more praise - we got a puppy!!! Mya is her name, Bermese Mountain dog and we love her!!!


How is it living downtown?....

What can I say, it feels like home. It felt like home the first night we moved in. And no I'm not romantizing it all... But when you are walking into obediance with God and have this peace that only comes from HIM then your home... and that is what we expereinced.

Our first night here, we got to feed D a homeless man a meal, and when we came home he was passed out on our front porch. He slept there and in the morning we had a cup of coffee with him and listen to his story. Thankful that we could offer shelter to D - he is a son of someone, a brother and dad to someone and most importantly - he is loved by our Heavenly Father.

And so no.... we arent opening our porch up every night to the drunk homeless men - but if they or anyone else needs a place of peace in this chaotic world, we pray that is what our home will be, a place that shouts JESUS.

We are just meeting our neighbors, the kids are meeting kids in the neighborhood, each Sunday Jordan - an intern at the Boiler Room - has set aside time to play roller hockey with the kids, we get to be part of that too.

Love Feast on Wednesday is something we like to be part of too, a great way to meet our neighbors.

We are learning already so much about God's Kingdom breaking in down here by watching Tony and Jenn, Brad and Michelle, Phil and Allison, Brooke and Tim, and the Boiler Room crew - so much more to learn but we're seeing... God created family... and His Body is family... and when we love each other well, have fun together, share our burdens, celebrate in our joys... that's attractive to the watching world... and they want to be part of God's family... we cant do it in our strength but through the love and grace of God we pray our family on the Westside grows, that new brothers and sisters will come home... That is our hope and we feel so very blessed that God has called us here. May we become less and JESUS become more.

More to come...

HUMBLED

Havent written here for a long time. A lot has taken place at the smith family to be honest, a lot of "desert" time. I heard someone say that we need to embrace the wilderness and the last few months that is what we have tried to do. Not try and run and find ways out but to seek God here, knowing that he has led us here, to humble us, to draw us to him, to let us expereince HIS peace in the midst of chaos. This season has been HIS GRACE to us.

It has forces us as a family to really seek HIM. It has allowed us to expereince grace from family and friends. It has allowed to wrestle with God and HIS calling on our family. It has brought us to our knees many times in humlity. It has brought us out of our comfort where we are totally dependant on Jesus and then have expereinced miracles. It has made Kevin and I really pray through and talk about what is important it has slowed us down.

There are many giants that we all see and encounter everyday, and sometimes the giants are coming in all directions, but... we serve the KING of KINGS and the giants are only going to get as close to us as God allows them too. And Jesus is sitting in the throne, advocating, praying and defending us.

If the LORD delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumbles, he will not fall for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

and I love the promise in 2Tim where it says "even when we are faithless, Christ will remain faithful" Our God is faithful, abounding in love, full of compassion and slow to anger. And that is what we have expereinced so much over these past few months.

As we look back over these past few month, we have seen the finger prints of God all over. It has astounded us, because even as I type about the desert, there have been many times crying out to God "WHERE ARE YOU" and not hearing him answer back - until going to HIS great book and opening it and finding promise upon promise. I love HIS WORDS, I love how HIS words convict or comfort. We have claimed these promises over and over again they have been our lifeline and HOPE. And God is FAITHFUL - we have experineced HIS faithfulness over and over.

Looking back over the past few years - God has put us on a path, a path we would have never choosen for ourselves, but a path that we feel humbled and so blessed to be called to. It started with being involved with The Boiler Room prayer ministry, then Africa and now...

He has called us to live among the poor in our area and join The Boiler Room Community,and learn from and serve each other and our neighbors in the NAME of JESUS.

Yes, we are moving to Grand Rapids at the end of August. We have no idea what to expect, we just know that God has said "go" and so we walk, trusting HIS WAY.

If you get anything out of this blog I hope it will be this: We are a simple, less than ordinary, uneducated, broken family. We fail often, but only through God's grace and mercy He can take all our junk and make into something beautiful - its only because of JESUS - we are clothed in HIS righteousness. He is calling each to go into the world and make disciples. It doenst matter where it is or how it is done - but lets continue to encourage each other and spurr each other on to love God with everything and love others as we love ourselves. We are pilgrams here, we have to remember this, this is not our home - the harvest is plenty but the workers are few.

When the work is done - then we get to behold JESUS face to face - and oh what a day that will be!!

I Need Africa More than Africa Needs Me

FIXING MY EYES ON JESUS

"Therefore since we are surrounded by a greaqt cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everyhting that hinders and sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus the Author and Perfetor of our faith." Hebrews 12:1&2

This has been my verse in this season of life. The more I read the Gospels, the more I study the life of Jesus, the more I get to know my Heavenly Fathers heart, the more I see how upside down I have been living, how much my heart is given to the things of this world and how my mind has been conformed to the patterns here.

It has been my prayer over these past few years that I would have the mind of Christ, that my heart would not be divided and that my eyes can be fixed on Jesus. I am a work in process, but slowly I see transformation taking place and it has been through, stripping me of things that I have come to put my trust and worth in. God has been renewing my mind, and has certainly been breaking my heart for what breaks His.

God sold our house on March 7, and we were moved out by March 26. We have been praying for this for two years and God did it in His perfect timing. Although He does have a sense of humor because Kevin had work out in Lousiana, so he wasnt even part of the move and both sets of parents were out of state for the month. God again showed us that we are part of His family, and we were humbled and blown away by our dear friends and family who spent their time taking care of us and helping us pack and move - everything went down fairly easy.

Kevin and I thought that when God sold our house He would have the very place ready for us to move to - the funny thing is we had no where to move to... the house we were looking at in GR sold, and there was not one single thing to rent in Byron Center... so my brother and sister in law have so graciously opened their home until something comes available.

John Piper asked " Can you bear uncertainty?"

Jesus responds to this question " you must, to be a follower of mine" Luke 9:57-59.

We have been living in a season of uncertainty, Kevin has been working for a commerical company and likes it - but it is new and looks very different than working for yourself.

People are always asking us - whats your plan? whats next... and to be honest we think we know, but we just dont know how and when and exactly where God is going to lead us next.

And God has revealed a lot of pride in my heart and also fear of what people think, I'll say it, we will go wherever God calls us to go. We dont want to live anymore according to what the culture says is right, or even how church tradition says how we do church. We want to live in according to God's will - to put ALL our trust in Him. He is our great Provider and Protector - His heart for His people is perfect love - why do we so easily question Him.

God has taught us so much, and has been so faithful in every step of the way in this journey - we will not turn back to our comfort - we will fix our eyes on Jesus and run the race He has marked out for our family because just as Jesus endured the cross, He knew the joy set before Him, we are trusting that God's plan for us is because His ultimate desire for us is for our joy to be complete. What an awesome God we serve!! He is not a far away God - but an intimate God who wahts us to know Him as Abba Father.

And so now we will wait knowing that God "acts on behalf of those who wait for him" Isaiah 64:4

GETTING OFF THE FENCE

Show us your way, O LORD, teach us your paths, guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Saviour and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:4

For many of you who follow my blog, you know in a vague way what God is doing in my heart, Kevin's heart. The constant tension of having something on our heart and not knowing what God want us to do with it. He has given us a deep love and desire to be a voice for Africa and someday to go there and work side by side with our african brothers and sisters. But here, living in a community of people who are living missionally among the least of these in our area. Where the harvest is ripe but the workers are few.

Well we've been on a fence for awhile, and I think being on the fence has been part of this learning process and surrender process. God has been refining us indivually, as husband and wife and as a family. And we feel like God is showing us - that now is the time to climb down and begin to walk into an unknown. And let me tell you - we've been on this journey before, the last one of going to Africa but before Africa - something that God called us to that totally changed our lives and our relationship with Him was the calling to put our kids in public school.

Ten years ago - after so much wrestling and going back and forth, seeking wisdom - we walked into the unknown. We put our most precious treasure on the school bus that dropped him off at Byron Center Public School. Now to some of you this would be like no big deal. But to us it was huge.

You see we grew up in a community where, church, christian school and family were/are a huge deal. It was the only thing that we known. it was safe, it felt good, everyone knew each other, looked like each other. In fact Sawyer was enrolled there - and we went to Kindengarten round up and I looked around the gym and thought to myself - I am related to half the people here. And if I'm not related to them they are related to others in the room. And hear me. this is not a public school/christian school debate. I have many friends there and I see the work of the Spirit working so beatuifully in many people's lives. But for some reason God had a different calling for our family and that was going to the school down the road. The school I would never have sent my kids to. (at least that is what I was thinking).

Yes, in my pride I thought - how embarrassing that my kids will be wearing black/orange, how embarassing that they would go to school with poor kids, kids that come from divorced famlies, kids that said bad words, and education that is less than the best. My kids deserve more, God release me from this.

In concept I knew - yes the Public schools need Christians, if all the Christians huddle together how will the world know. But God honestly - not my kids - someone else please.

And then when we did surrender this and say yes LORD, the comments from people, and the whole backlash of our obediance was not encouraged, we got the shaft. It was a lonely season. But a season where God humbled us, and where we felt His lovingkindness. It may have been the place where God turned our hearts from Jesus is our Saviour to Jesus is our everything- we started our journey of becoming disciples of Jesus
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One thing that I was so thankful for was - after a lot of playing the devils advocate, my family came aboard right when the decision was made and cheered us on. That made a HUGE difference

And God has used the public school to be pivital in all relationships. We thought we were coming in to save the day, and what God has done is put people in place to minister to us, that have come from such different walks of life and who's lifes have pointed us to Jesus. We have seen tremendous growth in our kids. Yes, they are exposed to more, but we feel priveledge to walk them through the yuck of life, our own yuck and the yuck of others.

It has brought us to a deeper prayer life - i tell you before the kids were in the school, kevin and I didnt dare to pray out loud, the first thing i did was join a prayer group at our school and I remember leaving there the first time, after hearing mothers bear their hearts to Jesus on behalf of their kids stunned - knowing that there was a HUGE void in my relationship with Jesus. And since then God has shown Kevin and I so much prayer and how he works through our desperation.

And by the way - we love our public school and see God moving. We are blessed to have many Christian leaders, teachers and families. The public school is not such a scary place.

ten years later....

God has been laying a calling on our heart that we have to pursue. It doenst mean that it will happen - but we know that if we dont at least do the footwork - then we are acting in disobediance and arenet allowing God to work.

Part of me is scared to death the other part of me is excited to see what does God have in store for our family.

The calling is moving into Grand Rapids, and joining already established Kingdom communities and learn, serve and be. We have wonderful friends doing this and we have watch from a distance, praying that God would would never call us to that - but applauding them for their obediance and seeing Jesus work in them and through them to the least of these in our area.

We have been playing the pros and con thing for three years - although it has been wise for us to do - we have learned that we cant contain God in a pro/con list. His ways are not our ways - they are bigger and better and in that we need to trust.

So who knows - maybe God will shut the next door and then we dont pursue this road - but for now God is calling us to walk. - So pray for us - we will be talking with people, praying and praying. For three years as a family we have been seeking God' heart - asking Him to unify all 6 of us to the place He has for us - He is doing something in all our hearts - I have told God many times over the past few weeks - "I want off the train now!!!" I want to go back to my Egypt, my comfort, - but we are going to keep walking - knowing that God only reveals one step at a time, He may circle us all the way back to 3375 100th Street, Byron Center. But we are willing to go on this journey and see what we can learn long the way.

May our Saviour, Jesus, be glorified.

VOICES

So many voices, do you have that too - everyone has their point of view, the way they look at things, their wisdom, their words of advice, their opinion.... and then there is the voice of the accuser, Satan himself, speaking and trying to deceive, to accuse. Voices and noise.

God is God of order not chaos.



Yesterday in church God reminded me that He speaks in His still small voice. And that is the only voice I want to hear. And I want to hear it clearly... I long to hear from my Jesus.



DanMike talked about Hebrews 11. Ive been resting on that chapter this week and thinking and wondering how many voices did Abraham ignore, Noah, Moses, Rahab.



I will follow and go and be anything or nothing - but i need the voice of God whispering over me. I want to know His voice above any - as sheep know their Shephard.



As we enter into a 6 month season of 24/7 prayer with our friends, I pray that God will speak, and i will come to know His voice more intimately.



God is calling, and guiding and so much wants to lavish us with His love.

Speak Heavenly Father - your daughter is listening.

HEAVINESS

...weighs in my heart today.


Praying and thinking about a family from church that a little over a week ago had a baby girl with Downs Snydrome and a major heart defect. Doctors telling them to go home with their precious little girl and not giving her much time here on this earth. Watching this family walk this heart wrenching walk has been great testimony to living in God's strength. How as parents do you live in a place of "is this the day where Jesus calls her home" and each moment with her having more and more of your heart swell with love for her. We're believing God for a miracle that this precious one will have many days/years here with her family but also knowing that God knows the number of days He has planned for her.


Praying and thinking about another family in our church who got horrible news that their 18 year old daughter got killed in a snowmobile accident. Her funeral is tomorrow. They too, through their raw grief are giving testimony to the goodness of God. Only through His strength.



Praying and thinking about the devastation in Haiti with the 7.0 earthquake. All the lives lost, the pain and chaos that many are living in. My mind cant imagine, Our friends who have been waiting for two years to bring their adopted son home, hearing in their voice the urgency to get him out of there. Also hearing testimony of missionaries there, who run a certain orphanage, getting all the children out of the building and camping under the stars these past few nights - and a midst all the chaos they, with all the little orphans worship - They worship loudly and boldly to the King of Kings causings others to come and find HOPE.


Praying and thinking about our friends in Africa - reading about all the needs, from orphans, to widows, to training the men. Its daily survival for so many people. Seeing a video from my dear friend Vovo, thanking everyone for being the hands and feet of Jesus - and hearing her heart to be a place of PEACE in her dark community of Masi.



praying and thinking about my sister's family who are in Colombia right now, just received their two precious adopted daughters last month, and posting a blog entry today about all the orphans in just one orphanage in Bogota, who so badly want a family or their own - coming up to my sister asking "mia mamma" you be my mom?!! Also, knowing that the journey of parenting is a hard calling - one of the hardest - and yet anticipating what God is going to do in them and through them.


Overwhelming all the hurt, pain, need. Sometimes I can look at all this and say it's too much!! and get stuck at being so overwhelmed and not doing anything.



What God has been teaching me over these past few weeks is about His GRACE in my life. He is showing me my poverty, my need, my weakness, my sin. I dont need to go around the world to find it's in me.

He is showing me that it is 100% HIM. He pursues, He teaches, He opens hearts. It is nothing that I have done or could ever do.


On any given day I know more than ever, that I am so proned to wander. I desperatly seek His GRACE and His STRENGTH each moment. because on my own i always fail.



So having this truth being shown to me in a profound way - I now can look at other's pain, sin, poverty, and weakness and know that this is me and in and of myself there is nothing I can do - BUT also knowing the same power that raised Christ from the grave lives in me. And there is the diffence. ITS ALL JESUS.

And that is WHO I have to offer to this chaotic world.


I am thankful that we have a Father in Heaven - that never leaves us or forsakes us. I am beyond words to know that JESUS entered into my poverty and ugliness by death on a cross, so that I can be raised up from ashes to beauty - just as He is raised up in all SPELNDOR and POWER sitting on the Throne of Grace where we have open access to HIM.

Our calling as His Bride is to ready ourselves for HIS coming - and to bring PEACE into chaos one moment and one person at a time.


May the church rise up - May we each in our own calling and place, make the Name of Jesus Famous by living out our mission boldly and courageously.

Many of our questions will not be answered in this life... but oh, when we see JESUS face to face, our faith will be made sight. So lets link arms and throw off anything that is entangling us and run... run hard after the prize.

13 YEARS AGO

our beautiful Ally was born. These 13 years raising her has been one of God's greatest gifts to Kevin and I.

I remember that day so clearly, driving to the hospital in a snow storm, wondering to myself, could I ever love another baby as much as i love Sawyer, anticipating and dreaming what our little girl would look like, the labor for her to enter the world was - let just say WOW!! - never had and hopefully never will expereince that much pain. But i remembe rmost the feeliing of complete joy and love and awe when she finally made her way into this world and into my arms.

A beautiful baby girl with lots of thick black hair staring up at me, looking over at Kevin and seeing his daddy love and protectiveness for her bubble over and knowing this little girl was going to be a joy.

And right from the start she was, big brother sawyer loved her even through the months of colic, but by 3 month she was over that but her determination came through at a very young age. Walking at 9 months, talking at 10 months and keeping up with her older brother and mothering her younger brothers.

I have seen so much growth in ally over the years, her caring heart, her get it done personality, her love for little kids, her "nobody is going to walk over me" attidude and the way she is a great sister to her three brothers, and her sense of justice that lays deep in her heart. I listen and see dreams that God is giving her at a young age, and this sense of adventure.

I am so blessed to be called Ally Kay Smith's mom. I have learned so much about Jesus through her young life.

This is my prayer for you Ally - that you would become like Esther, standing tall for the the Lord, and humbling your heart in obediance to HIM, and knowing that you are a daughter of the KING. I pray that whatever comes your way in life that you share all of it with Jesus - He will be there and work in all things. I pray especially Colossians 3:12 that this truth would abide in you

Therefore, God's chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humlity, gentleness and patience....above all put on love - the perfect bond of unity.

Teenager, I look forward to help navigate you through these exciting years Ally, thank you for being the very special daughter you are. You keep shining for CHRIST. I love you more than words could say. And I cant wait to see how God works in these next few years to mold you and make you more like HIM.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALLY - and as much as you dont like birthdays - we are celebrating you!!!