Remembering....

Yesterday we had "simple church" just the six of us as a family. it was a time of testifing to God's greatnss in each of our lives over the past year.

We have a jar that we put stones in to remind us of God's faithfulness.

It was a sweet time and a time of renewing my own faith. Looking back just over this last year and hearing each one of the kids give testimony of Jesus Christ in their own lives and Kevin and I sharing was a time of renewing our hope. I want to give testimony of just a few things our family is so very thankful for, prayers that have been answered and evidence of God's finger on our lives.

Ally -
thankful for making new friends in school,
thankful for her teachers,
thankful that she seen God in real ways is Africa - experiencing that you don't need things to find true joy and that Jesus is more than enough - she learned this through Portia(Zimbabwean)
so thankful for chelsea, michelle, cheraya and missy for loving her and showing her what is means to live whole heartily for Jesus) (you four girls have no idea what you did for ally this summer - thank you from the bottom of my heart - i love you all too)

Brayden -
thankful for improving in writing and reading
thankful for being in south africa - learned so much about Jesus - learned alot from Tim and sbu - both lived in masi - live a life of sacrifice for jesus and are both full of joy and love. also learned a lot from beckie - a little boy in masi (10 yrs old) that always had a smile on his face and was out going even though he didnt have much.
thankful for danmike, brad and jeremiah - thanks guys

Logan -
thankful that grandpa van is cancer free
thankful for being in mrs fergusons classroom
thankful that he is getting better at reading
thankful that God keeps him safe when we walk in his ways

sawyer -
thankful for the time in south africa -
thankful for simeon (white southafrican) and tim. learned a lot from both about being a believer of Jesus. thankful for the time each one gave him.
thankful for danmike, brad and jeermiah - thankful for the time and love they give him - and also for being example to him about what it looks like to live your life total committed to God's way and the joy and peace you have living that way.
thankful for healing his broken foot - God did a miracle on sawyers foot this past month - sawyer broke it playing basketball and was told that he would be out 4 - probably 6 weeks - but God thought 1 1/2 weeks would do. and so sawyer not thinking that he would play any b-ball this season only sat out 3 games. pretty unbelievable.

kevin-
God has provided work for him - even after the company that gave him 90% of the work over the last 5 years went bankrupt. God has brought along other great contractors to work for and we are not only grateful but humbled by the provision and heart of God.

Thankful for the opportunity to go to South Africa - there were many miracles that happen just to get us there

thankful for nelis,cedric and elias - mighty men that have been a picture of what Kevin wants his life to look like. men in love with their saviour and committed their lives and families to the work of the Kingdom - a life of total trust and surrender - despite circumstances - they proclaim with their lives God is good and worthy.
thankful that God is changing him - his heart - teaching him more about his ways

thankful for having peace in a very chaotic world - despite what things appear to be knowing that God always has our best.

thankful that he is seeing our kids growing in the ways of the LORD.

thankful for friends here - that continue to encourage and challenge him to live his life full of faith.

marcy (me)

thankful that God doesnt give up on me
thankful that God has shown more of his heart to me
thankful for the cross (the sacrifice of Christ and the love displayed there...there are no words...i want all the days of my life to grasp how deep,long,wide his love is for me..
thankful for the opportunity to spend time in SA - found home there -
thankful for inesa and christina, vovo and sylvia - women that i want to be like - women who love Jesus and his ways and love their families. living a full life and a life of faith
thankful for my family - kevin, sawyer, ally, brayden,logan - love my man more and more each year, and i feel so blessed that i am these fab four's mom - life is so full of love and laughter with each of you. i learn so much from you.

my parents - who have from day one been my example of God's love and grace - seeing them grow more in love with Jesus and with each other every year is footsteps that i want to follow in. my sisters kristi,kim,libby and brothers,curt,rod,john, nieces and nephews. so proud of each one of you.. we are all uniquely made and have all been called to different things pertaining to the Kingdom of God - but we are always there to encourage and cheer each other on. i love you all so much

my friends new and old - ive learned so much from each of you, so thankful to journey together with you. God uses you continually to show himself to me.

This list is just a few things that were highlighted yesterday. It is so good to look back, give thanks and it gives me - encouragement to walk forward knowing and believing whatever is ahead in this next year that God is faithful -

He has his eye roaming throughout the earth looking for those fully devoted to him and his ways

I dont know what God has planned for me, my family in this next year - but we want to be where He is at. over the last two years kevin and i have been feeling frustrated/discontent and we are praying into this " is this holy discontent or holy frustration? or just plain discontentment - and if it is that then forgive us Jesus but if this is from you then show us.

Our family, we are praying for specific direction - that God would be clear in his calling over us. please join us in that prayer.

As we celebrate the birth of our saviour JESUS CHRIST this season and really every day - we bless God, and say as David said

Who am i , O Sovereign LORD and what is my family, that you have brought me this far...

REAL HOPE

I did it again today - i confess that more than not lately - i can get caught into the cynical and the depressing talk which is going all over the place these days. the gloom and doom or the economy, the getting caught up in watching the stock market crash and then rebound. the words of debt, bailout, bankruptcy, no work, foreclosure, rates, governement, and on and on.

i dont mean to be insensitive, because this is real life for many, many people, it is real life to us, but... i so badly want to be like david - when he came back from battle - and all of his possesions, even his wives and children were taken and all the other warriors turned against David " but David found his strength in the LORD his God" 1sam30:6b

this is the time the church - Christ bride must arise and be a shining light. it is a ripe time. God's Word - the more I read it the more amazed I am - it is "alive and active" God does speak through these very pages. sometimes the message is convicting to a point where I need to search my heart and sometime it is encouraging but throughout the pages there is a consisent message - the message of Love and Redemption.

this picture is of a man who is near and dear to our hearts. his name is elais - kevin met him in south africa in the mall - him and logan drove me to mall to do some emailing and they bought a corndog from the stand that elias worked at. we know that it was a God ordained meeting - conversation began - and this man - represented Jesus to kevin and me in the purest way. kevin spent a lot of time with elias and the more he got to know him the more he loved him, and the more he learned about the purest part of the kingdom of God. - you see Elias is a modern day David.

His circumstances through our earthly view is horrible. he lives in a foreign land (his land Zimbabwea is war torn) he lives in a shack not even fit for animals, he was at this time - seperated from his wife and little boy (for 1 1/2 years) and he works harder than anyone and hardly makes enough to buy food and rent for himself.

And yet....Elias finds strength in the LORD his God. I remember kevin coming home from meeting with elias... so humbled to have spent time with this amazing man and learning sooo much from him about Jesus.

Elias - yes if anyone could get down and angry and full of panick he could and no one would blame him - but through the faithfulness of God to his promises:

"the LORD is near to all who call on him...in truth He fulfills the desires of those that fear him, he hears there cry and saves them." ps 145:18

you see - elias is part of the kingdom of God - the kingdom has broken in his life and now it is breaking forth. God has put elias in a very dark place to be a light - and boy does he shine so very bright.


ps. to this story - God did reunited elias with his wife and son after 1 1/2 year of crying out to God. they arrived in masi last week. To God be the Glory. and thank you elias, your life has challenged us, touched us and changed us and we are so thankful for you and your beautiful family.

now the question is do i looking different to the world - am i speaking love and truth - and i bringing peace to a very chaotic place - am i - when it comes right down to it - living for my LORD - do i really trust my Fathers heart - am i finding my strength in the LORD my God - and am i offering His hope - the Hope that I have to the world around me.

despite circumstances, despite the thinking of the world. God's kingdom is really right side up in this upside down world.

i want to be a place of joy, peace, love, gentleness, kindness,goodness and self control. i want to represent jesus in the purest form. the only way is less of me jesus and more of you.

so tommorrow is a new day again - i think i just posted that last time - but it is truth that i need to cling to everyday - God's mercies are new every day - now that is the example of all examples of a Father's Heart. - thank you Father, for calling me child, and for lavishing me with your love and grace, thank you for running toward me everytime i wander wayward and you bring me back to you with your arms open wide, thank you for loving me enough to speak truth into me and wanting to shape me more into your image - help me be moldable and teachable.

thank you for our south african family, everyone one of them, elias and his family, nelis and inesa, cedric, and sylvia, vovo, christina, godknows and tim we continue to learn so much from them - bless them and keep them and make your face shine upon them and give them peace - in jesus most powerful and loving name - AMEN

i want to do this well - i want God to be gloirified in my life - i know that without him - i am no different than the world - BUT with him - He is our only HOPE and He is our Rock and our Salvation there is nothing to fear. God grant me Kingdom eyes and not earthly eyes.

Dreams...

It has been a long time since i wrote in this space. I have tried a couple times to post an entry but got distracted. Distraction has been a huge issue that i have been dealing with lately and i dont like it.

Today is the first snow fall - and it is cold. Im sitting in my living room with my two dogs enjoying the quiet and the warmth of the fire.

So much has been going on - in our heart (kevin and I). It feels like everything is changing around us and in us and it is exciting but for me very scary.

I am learning about myself that when I am introduced to something new from God i am like a deer in the head lights - I stand and shut down. That is why i need to proclaim Hab3:19. I am a creature of comfort and sameness.

I thought that when I came back from Africa - because getting me there was a journey in and of itself - i could settle back into life as usually - in fact i told a friend of mine - i cant wait till i dont have anything huge lingering over me - i want to live a "normal" life again. Be normal - be a "football mom" be active in my church and school and just get back to "normal".

So that is where I have been living in the past couple of months. And not even to say that it is a bad place - but what I have done is I havent been quiet before God - I havent expressed the desires of my heart, and God has opened my heart and eyes to things, that are now very much part of who i am and so really what is "normal" now. I have stone walled the dreams He has put there because to be frank - im tired and some of these dreams are way out there. so this is what i do - i dont want to go back to who i was - but im scared to make a move ahead because i dont know what that is - so i just sit. And I miss Jesus.

Kevin called me this morning from work and said - you got to listen to the song on the radio "Im coming home". And he reminded me in his sweet voice that todays a new day.

This post may sound like i am depressed - i dont feel depressed nor do i think i am but i also believe that that the devil will use depression, dissension and doubt and distraction to play games with Christ followers. I am dealing with the disatraction and doubt and i need to be at the feet of Jesus to have him replace my doubt with faith and i nned to "be still and know" Jesus quiet my mind - i pray for the mind of Christ. help me to take every thought captive and help me kmake them line up with Christ.

Yesterday at church we read the story of mary when she broke her alabaster jar of perfume on Jesus. And how throughout the gospel story - it was mary who was at Jesus feet. Mary knew - really knew Jesus. SHe knew him as her Christ - her saviour - she knew what it was going to cost Jesus his own life when he raised Lazurus, her brother from the dead - she got it. and she didnt care what anyone thought of her - she was willing to be a fool for Jesus and give everything she had and laid it at his feet. She understood that she needed a Saviour and what love her saviour had for her. She didnt give him 99% of her life she gave everything.

Oh i want to be like her. i felt God whispering over me yesterday - marcy get rid of the "but" "God you can have everything BUT this".

And so as the song says "im coming home" im laying it all at Jesus feet. Search me and know me dear jesus. Help me to dream big dreams - help my family to dream big dreams to partner up with the Living Christ and go and be whatever you may. Help me once again to wal by faith and not by sight. God i need your courage. Thank you for using Steph yesterday to speak truth into me. thank you for pursuing me again and bringing me back home.

Help me to dream dreams that may happen soon or that may happen later but in the process learn to live in the here and now and live each moment despereate for you and seeking opportunity to be your messanger. Forgive my lack of faith and disobediant heart. God you, through your awesome grace, began a good work in me - please let me walk in obediance so that your work can be complete. THe things that you have taught me over the last few months LORD - seal it in me - i dont want that work to fade and I dont want it to be taken from me. I want to continue to grow in your WORD and your TRUTH.

God's mercies are new each day - and so today i will walk in his mercy and in his strength.

Blessed is those who mourn for they will be comforted

Today a sweet boy who is in sawyer's 8th grade class went home to be with jesus. Jose - a quiet yet fun boy - to know jose was to love jose.

last night as we were talking with sawyer, he told us that the last few weeks that jose was in school this year - he was struggling with so much pain - but he wanted to be in school. sawyer gave us a wonderful picture of: each morning when jose would come into school - because he couldnt walk up stairs that well anymore - mr vander pol would wait for him by the door and scoop him up in his arms and carry him up the stairs. -

thank you mr vanderpol for showing jose love and security but also giving a clear picture of jesus to our kids and his character -scooping us up when we cant. showing love and being the safest place to run.

you see - jose has been in and out of hospitals since 2nd grade dealing with words called cancer,tumor, remission, inoperatable, chemotherapy, hospital, sickness, pain, tiredness. something nobody should have to deal with especially a young boy.

just another wake up call that we are not living in "eden" - that we arent made for this world - that the evil, sin and disease still are very promient here and that the reality that Jesus today is preparing a mansion for those that follow after him. jose is getting a tour of his mansion - and there is no hospital beds, or needles, no doctors - because he is dancing with his Healer today and he really is home.

my mom said some true words " Heavens gain our loss". very true very true.

dont you ever just get mad though - i get mad that a boy has to deal with cancer, i get mad that my sister vovo, in africa, is in stage 4 of aids, i get made at the millions of people going to bed hungry, i get mad at hearing and saying "we're so busy" we're so busy" busy with what!!!, i get mad that families are falling apart, i get mad that the devil is having hayday dividing communities over stupid things, i get mad that we live in culture where everything is performance base and outward appearanced based. i get mad at the pride, my own pride and the pride of this world.

ill start with me - i am desperate for Jesus to pour out himself into my every part of me - my thoughts, my heart, my actions, my mouth - because without him i get so off track - i start to believe the lies, i start to use my tongue to tear people apart, i start to give my heart to the things of this world and i cave into fear. with the holy spirit invading my being - i have his peace, i have his love and i have a confidence that i am a daugther of the King - the Creator of all things.

This world really has nothing for me - nothing - in fact i am getting more and more grossed out by what it trys to offer - a short lived high with a quaruenteed crash at the end.

jesus - be my peace - let me be your peace. without you my life is chaos - turn this sadness into dancing - and may people in this community fix their eyes on you, and may we start being a power force for your Kingdom instead of a divide.

thank you for jose - in his quiet tender spirit he represented you in a real way - may the memory of jose point many to you. may you populate heaven through the life that Jose lived and may he have the front row seat to seeing many coming to know you through his short but very courageous life. i know he is in the great cloud of witness cheering on his classmates - cheering them on toward things of the kingdom -

Your way - blessed are those that mourn for they will be comforted. Jesus, be with the Petroleas give them your comfort and strength. no parent should have to bury their child, that is not your way - thank you for taking on our sorrow, thank you for entering into this dark world and radianting your light, thank you for our hope in jesus, that this is not goodbye to jose - but well see you soon. and help us to love well the people that you put in our lives each day, lets not waste single opportunity to share your love to people - and may your grace be abounding. i love you jesus -

The Fear of the LORD

Saturday our family met with some dear friends - friends that God has placed in our life to journey together. The time spent together was rich, we feasted, celebrated, and sought after God together. we share our joys and disappointments. we want to be a people that are real about our brokenness, our fears and our weakness. we want to be a people that can encourage one another and spur each other on. And we want to stand together in faith and pray big prayers for our kids.

This gave Kevin and I a great time of meditation and talking about really what is our mission with our kids - what is it. and we come back to Det 6 - Love God with all your heart, mind and strength and love others as yourself. What does this mean - what does this look like and who are they going to learn this from. - That would be us - I talk a lot and think a lot about simple church - could it be that it starts with our four treasured kids. That if we could model this and expereince God together as a family, then we could be used for the world.

My prayer is God show us - where do we begin with this simple mission yet the most challenging. In this world we are bombarded - with the lie of the evil one. Jesus calls the devil "prince of this world" and lately it seems like he has been winning lots of battle especially where our youth is concerned. He is on the prowl - coming back here after Africa - i was almost paralized by the shear dispair we live amongst. Negative additudes, fear, the news of gloom and doom, the election, the bailout, forclosure, putting so much value on things that have no worth for the Kingdom of God - yes we are in hard times - but you know i found myself going down the path of gloom and doom - but Scipture says".

"The LORD is excalted for he dwells on high, he will fill Zion with justice and righteousness, He will be a sure foundation for your times, a rich storage of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge. The fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure." Isaiah 33:5&6.

He will be a sure foundation for your times - a rich storage of salvation, wisdom and knowledge. the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure. - WOW

Starting with me Jesus - help me to fear you more than man. Help me to see you for who you really are. - You make the blind see - help me see.

We have the joy of the LORD - we are more that conqueors - our kids can be victourious in Jesus and so can we and do great things for His Kingdom. Our prayers as parents are these things.

God - may our kids above all fear you and know who you are - to really know your heart - that truly you are for us and not against us - that you lavish your love on us by calling us your children. And that your grace and love is huge - extrodinary.

That they would walk victourious in Jesus - and know your voice. over and over in your word you say that you lead in guide - they would be like Samuel - and at a very young age they would know your voice and follow you all the days of their life.

That they would love your Living Word. They would know that your Word is alive and active, and that it is Truth. that through your Word you would circumise their heart by your spirit and teach them your ways.

That they would be humble - that they would look at the interst of others over themselves and you would give them your heart that their heart would break over the things that break yours.

To have courage to stand tall for you. To become like David and Ester. To be warriors and warrioress for you.

And that would live a pure life and rest in the fact that you have their husband.wife already picked out for them and they would not fall to the sexual temptations of this world. And that right now you are raising their future mates to love you with all their hearts.

And to know that God has a purpose and plan for each one of them and that they are uniquely created in Gods image and in all that they do - do it for the glory of Jesus.

And to have a heart for the nations. To see the Kingdom of Jesus globally and have a love and ambition to go - into all nations proclaiming Christ.

And that when they do fail, that the first place they would run is to the throne of grace - to repent and hear Jesus say - through my sacrifice on the cross, through my blood, you are forgiven, i love you dear one - now go and live in my love and live out my love to others

Okay huge list - but it does sum up into Love God and Love others right.

I think the problem of this nation, families, indivuals is we have forgotten - Who are we, Why are we here. Maybe we should start asking ourselves this and our kids everyday and be reminded daily that:

We are God's children, His holy and dearly loved and chosen people, his ambassoders, his temple, his bride.

We are here to celebrate Jesus, to bring good news to a dark world, to take delight in rich community that centers on Jesus, really to bring heaven to earth, to bring peace into chaos.



God, you speak over my heart - become what you want your children to become. Jesus - i need so much grace and your love, wisdom, power and courage. Hide me behind the cross Jesus, and may our kids see only you.

It was said last night at an outreach meeting and it is words that I have pondered on " You see - God is God - He doesnt need us - and he uses us in spite of us - why? to bring joy to our lives. It is for us. It is for us. Isnt is true - when we expereince and share Jesus - joy always shows up - that's God heart to give us joy. Not always happiness -but joy

" I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete - ... Love others as I have loved you" - Jesus

Living Water

"If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver,costly stone, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of eeach man's work. If what he has survives, he will receive his reward, If it burns up, he will suffer loss, he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the fire." ICorinthians3:12-15

Bought a new devotional called Living Water by Brother Yun. I usually dont buy many devoitionals but a few years back i read The Heavenly Man - it was Brother Yun's story. He is a modern day Paul - and has an active part in the revial of the church in China. His story touched me deep and after reading it - it made me want what he had/has with Jesus.

This particular devitional is one i read last week but God is convicting me to go back and read and confess that since i have been back from Africa - I have been operating on my flesh and not His Spirit. I am in a dry season. I dont know why - maybe its because of the crazyness of life, or maybe because I was just in aplace where desperation was the normal and there was no where else to go, or maybe it is just me and my weakness and lazyness, and pride.

Maybe God looks the greatest when we can glorify him in the everyday mundane things of life. Maybe Faith is the greatest when the emotion or feeling isnt neccesarily there and you continue to open up Gods Word, and you continue to go face down in prayer.

I feel like the Israelites, who just witness God in massive ways and not so long turned to their own grumbling ways.

God forgive me, help me quiet myself before your throne of grace and pour out your Living Water in every part of my being.

You see walking in the Spirit really does bring joy, peace, love kindness, self control, gentleness and faithfulness.

How many things have I done in my own flesh. According to ICorn 3:12-15 they mean nothing to Christ, they will burn. The only things that will last are the things done not on my own strength but on the super natural power of the Holy Spirit working in me and through me.

"Be holy - just as I am holy", says Jesus - do you ever ask God - what were thinking when you picked me. I feel like God has spoken over me - dont waste too much time on that question marcy - my ways are huge and pride can be just as much thinking to much of yourself as when you think to little of yourself. because none of this is about you anyway - you can sit in your self pity or you can continue to pour yourself out and let me pour myself in and be part of the most awesome story ever told.

Yes I think that God looks great small things - when I love Kevin and the kids well, I know and they know when i am living in my flesh - it isnt pretty. To love and see every person that I come in contact each day through the eyes and heart of Jesus. To act on the promptings of the Holy Sprirt and to not take my self to seriously. Total surrender every moment of every day desperate for the filling of the Spirit.

A friend gave me these words that I keep going back to, also, May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity as you follow the Lord Jesus. Romans 15:5. God gives endurance and He gives encouragement - He leaves us lacking nothing - we just need to humble ourselves and ask.

God thank you for being slow to anger and full of compassion - At the end of the day I want to make You proud. and hear the words "Well done my dear one" May you be glorified in this broken vessel. I love you Jesus - Your daughter

Re Entry

Its been a week since we were in Masi. I miss it so, just got an email from Godknows - celebrating that we have a new sister in Christ - the mom who God gave a new shack to. She just received Jesus. we prayed and prayed that she would not remember us but that Jesus would be glorified and seen. another answered pray -


Our last meeting with the team in Africa we talked about re-entry. I listen but seriously thought that re-entry would be no big deal for me. I would slide back into life here and not miss a beat. I think that I was the most excited to get back into the football practices, and school and the rythem of our life as we are used to.

WOW - to be honest - i am struggling. we went to our high school football game the day we got back - Had the warmest welcome from our great community and family- we are so blessed!! Everyone asking "How was the trip?" I found/find myself fruserated with not being able to put into words what we expereinced and witness and what God is doing in our hearts.

The whole trip was about God's greatness - God working in and through us - broken people - that really have no clue on what to do. Each morning trying to gear up to enter into Masi - crying out to God to lead us by His spirit. To give us the mind, heart, hand and feet of Christ.

I want to scream "the God we serve, the Jesus we live for - He is for real!! we know that because everywhere we look He is there - in the despair - He is there - in the poverty and disease - He is there. I blogged before about God's glory being radiant everywhere. It is true.

It is not about going to church, we are the church, or the programs offered, or who has the best youth group or worship music, who has the best preacher. It is about getting alone with Jesus crying out to him getting in His Word, getting in a small community of other believers who are desperate for the Holy Spirit to invade every part of their being and going into the world with God's power, love and joy.

We are processing and praying through what God wants to continue to teach us. In Africa the darkness is evident - when the presence of Jesus comes in - his light is almost blinding, so radiant!! - here in the western world we live in darkness also, we just dont realize it as much because we have so many false "lights" Jesus can become just another light - but He is THE Light. - Jesus please let the scales fall from my eyes - let me see you and your ways. Let me be just as desperate for you here as I was in Africa, let me see my own weakness and let me not be swayed by the patterns of this world. Let me continue to walk in faith and not sight.

Two different worlds - Africa and America. God is the God of all nations. We can learn from each other. This life is a fight - In Africa it is a fight for life survial, here it is a fight to not fall into the patterns of the world.

I know that God is faithful to all that seek after Him. that is all He wants - For us to surrender to Him and His Ways - not because He is a mean God - but because His Ways are always for our best. He loves us more than our puny minds can imagine.

God I want to be more desperate for you - show me my desperate state. Help me not to be blinded to you by the false floursent lights and all the noise but let me set my eyes and on THE LIGHT - Fix my eyes on you, Jesus - you are my author and perfector of Faith.