2010

...what will it bring. what will this next year bring, this next decade.

i love new beginnings, i love them more and more, stepping into something new.

...but I think one thing that I have learned in 2009 is that God timing is different then mine - that God is God and I am not. And that I have only begun to know a little about surrender.

its been a year where Jesus is teaching me more about the true meaning of the GOSPEL. My mind cant comprehend what He did for me, what He wants for me and what He is preparing for me - And then what He is calling me.

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevail. Proverbs 19:21

I know that God is making me more and more like Him. I feel Him cut things out of my heart and replacing them with Him. And so in many ways this has been a year of journeying in my heart. A quiet and personal journey with Jesus. And God giving me dreams and desires that could only come from Him - but then asking me to trust, wait and walk by faith and not by sight.

As reflecting back on 2009, God brought to mind that last year on Jan 1 2009 is when we invited Lisa and Neil to our home, we have had people living in and out for a whole year, and ironically (maybe) we packed Chelsea up on Dec 31 2009 for Alaska. Our home is just the 6 of us - until God brings someone else. Our home is His and our family is open to whatever He wills. we are sustained only in His GRACE and LOVE.

What will 2010 hold - HOPE and a FUTURE - declares the LORD. For me, sure I will continue to pray for miracles, because we serve and love a God who can, and I will pray for these dreams and desires in my heart to continue to grow and flower, I have lots of them for me and my family. But the greatest desire in my heart is this simple " to glorify Jesus with my life and enjoy Him" - whatever I am doing, wherever I am.

A TRIBUTE TO OUR DOG

Sitting here in the quiet - ahh
Fire crackling, Christmas lights on
Sipping tea
Waiting for a blizzard to hit
And missing my Cooper..

Cooper is was my three year old Golden Retriever. My baby. If you know me then you know that I am a sucker for dogs. I love them, especially my own.

Cooper as been my shadow for three years, laying his head on my lap everytime I would sit down. He would lounge on the couch and stretch his neck out to look at me with his big brown eyes when I would be working in the kitchen. And always first thing in the morning he would do a little dance because he knew that he would either get a hotdog or peanut butter sandwich for morning snack. He would always sleep on the floor right by me and when Kevin would get out of bed - he knew it was his cue to jump up. He was so good with the kids. Ally would lay right on him and tease him and kiss him and he just layed there waggin his tail.

Cooper got hit by a car this weekend... Dumb dog. He never went on the road - but this time there was a dead deer that he went to and didnt come back.

A weekend of lots of tears. A weekend that our kids got a taste of loss. A weekend where we could go before a loving Father and know that even tears over a pet are cares - He wants us to cast on Him.

We serve a gracious and good God. And I believe that the kids got to expereince our Fathers heart and for that I am so very thankful.

So here's to Cooper the best dog ever.

FEAR

Fear - its something that I struggle with. Today God spoke into my heart about my fear. He did it in the most loving way.

I have souht out to read the Bible through from cover to cover. I have never done it before, always admire anyone that has.

I am in Deuteronomy, in fact I just finished today. I didnt want to read Det. today. I feel incredibly dry and I had this attitude that God could not possibly talk to me through Deuteronomy and I so badly wanted Him to speak.

I was tempted to go into the NT but I didnt and I picked up God's story where I have left off.

"Be strong and courageous" Be strong and courageous - I will not leave you. Four times I read that today.

I read K blog today talking about a "new name" given to her by God. It made me wonder two things - what does Jesus think of when He thinks of me - do I have a new name waiting for me - and what does my name "Marcy" mean.

I googled it

Marcy means - Brave.

God showed me today that He does make all things glorious - and He and only He can take my fear and turn it into brave - and give me courage to continue to walk in the path He calls me to walk.

I want to be brave.

Reflecting

Today I have been reflecting over the past 6-9 months and it had been so good for me to do.

Sometimes I can get frusterated with unanswered pray - I have been in a place today of asking God "Where are you" This faith walk can be weary and lonely and somethings I have been praying for years and have not seen God move in some situations... but God reminded today of the past and about His faithfulness in the big things and little. And yes He is active and alive in my life, in my families life and He is on the move. He is wrting a story and teaching me so many things along the way.

We are studying about Abraham in church - I love what his life represented - i always have. Rod was giving this picture of toddlers who are just learning to walk and they are always looking to hold their daddy's/mommy's hand and when they have success they giggle with delight and so does daddy/mommy. That is what Abraham did when he left everything when God asked him to walk.

I love that picture. i feel that way so often - like a toddler learning to walk in this journey we call faith. A tiny step of faith for me is a big deal and takes a lot of effort - but I'm finding out that there really is no greater delight than to walk in the courage given to me by the Holy Spirit and seeing my Heavely Father and expereincing His hand - holding me the whole time and working things out in His time.

He just says walk - I've got you - hold onto me dear one - set your eyes on me - only me - come on child. And I fall and stumble, A lot of the time I get frusterated and throw tantrums when I fall - but My Heavenly Father is slow to anger, abounding in compassion and love.

So reflecting on these last few months has been humbling - so much answered prayer in my life, in my family and friends lives.

Here's just a snapshot of God happenings in my small world.

God has faithfully provided work for Kevin - something we used to take for granted but now know that God is our only Provider. And through this season of walking into the unknown with Kevin and his business, it has strengthened our marriage. it has made us see that we are desperate for Jesus. It has been a hard time but incredibly sweet for us a husband and wife.

We were praying "God fill our house or sell it" - God brought Lisa and Neal into our lives. They moved here 1 1/2 years ago from Detroit - i met Lisa on the bleachers at a baseball game. Neal goes to school with Sawyer. Lisa and Neal needed a place to land for a little while and so they moved in with us for 6 months. It was a sweet time. Today Lisa is one of my clsest friends. A sister in Christ. She is one of the bravest, strongest woman i know. She is a single mom raising a godly boy - she pours her life out for Neal. She loves the Lord Jesus so much and He is her everything. Neal is a like a son to our family - He is a great kid - we count it a gift that God has brought them into our family.

On August 3, they found duplex to live in - in Byron - not far away. The same day - my brother and sister-in-law that have lived next door to us for 10 years - sold their house.

Change... we had our home for sale for 1 year and they put their home on the market and God sold it in two months. WE always thought that we would be the ones pulling out first. But although there were may tears - tears of joy and grieving of what we were saying goodbye to - God's grace was poured out. So incredibly happy for them. They needed a place to land for a month and so our basement being empty again.. So God filled our home again for a short sweet time.

And we have had chels with us since May. Chelsea is someone so special to our whole family. A dear friend from church and she was just coming off an internship from the Boiler Room - a prayer house in Grand Rapids. She too, needed a place to land to figure out the next place to go, and to see God reignite His flame in her - to see her transform before our very eyes and see healing take place has been a gift for us to be part of. God displays His splendor in her and is unraveling piece by piece - His plan for her. So thankful for Chels.

Our kids have started school again. Sawyer, Ally and Brayden all went into new building this year. Logan stays put this year. God has been so faithful again. So much answered prayer has been see in each other their lives. Even though this school year has come with its own challenges - we have been able to take it Jesus in prayer and see him work.

But as the kids grow - especially the older one - I am realizing that my prayers matter more now than ever. We are raising them in a cruel world - a world where, looks, smarts, athletics, are what make you "popular". A place where people are only looking out for themselves, and a place where there is so much broken. I quess that is the way it always has been - It is one thing for me to expereince it - but having your child expereince the yuck of this life is hard - but in those times they also expereince their Heavenly Father's heart. GRACE!!!

Oh my heart crys out on behalf of them that God's Spirit would circumise their heart, teach them, and that they would have hearts of flesh - hearts tender toward the Kingdom of Jesus. It has been so humbling to see God answer this prayer - and even though my kids have a long way to go - just like me. God is doing some neat things in their lives.

I've had the joy of being on the front line of seeing God lead my sister's family on the road of adoption. they have two beautiful children from coloumbia and have been praying that God would enlarge their family. He has given them two beautiful columbian sisters who are waiting in columbia to join my sisters family and us (the extended family). Watching the valleys and the mountiantops of their walk of faith has been heartbreaking and miraculous. And it takes them to Caroline and Marta. God is a great story writer.

God has done so much for me - I have to ask myself - what if God didnt answer one more prayer - would His love he has for me through Jesus be enough. I struggled with that yesterday.

I want to be an oak tree - strong and firmly planted in HIM. when the wind blows I dont want to budge - but declare that my God is good and He is worthy of my everything. That Jesus is my all in all.

Sometime I get tired of praying for the things God can do - I know He loves those prayers - but what I found to be life giving to me today was to sit at His feet and just put my thoughts on Him and all of His Glory and His Love.

I love the song by David Crowder: which has minstered to me so much lately.


He is jealous for me
He loves me like a huricane
I am a tree bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions and ecplised by glory
And I realize just how beatuiful you are, And how great your affections are for me.

He loves us (me) oh how He loves us (me)

We are his portion, And He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, then we are sinking
So heaven meets earth like an unseen kiss
My heart turns violently in my chest
I dont have time to maintain regrets
When I think how He loves us - oh how He loves us

He loves me - oh how He loves me

It's Been a Year...

This time last year our family was excitingly preparing to go over seas, to a land we already loved to meet the people that God already gave us a passion for.

This time last year, I was dreaming, and praying and imagining what it would be like to go to a far away land that already stole my heart and Kevin's.

It has been two years where there hasn't been a day where my heart and thoughts dont go there. I blogged in one of my very first entries about that. God brought kevin there physically and wreck him there, and somehow in my heart He did the same to me without even going there.

I remember this peace that passed all my understanding from the travels, to setting foot on this great land, to meeting Cedric at the airport for the first time and then Sylvia(I felt like I already knew them). To meeting Nelis and Inesa - who made such a profound impact on Kevin the first time, and feeling like we were long lost friends.

I remember walking into Masi the very first day with a team of people I consider some of my dearest friends today. - WE were on a mission to love people. Even Masi, through all the poverty, and smells and the witchcraft and drinking and drugs - God put a love in my heart for them way before I walk into that community on the dusty roads. Please dont get me wrong though, entering into people's lives where survial was something they had to think about everyday, walking into poverished conditions that our minds could not and still can't comprehend. It was one of the hardest things to do and yet it was the greatest expereince of my life.

Vovo, Christina, Elias, Portia,Godknows,and all the little kids that we would see day after day. Kids so eager for a hug, or to touch our white people's hair. Singing praises to Jesus in an 10x10 cardboard home. These memories burn in my heart. They have become so much a part of who I am today.

You see Vovo and her little guy - they represent even more than a hero to me. They represent millions of people living just like they do. Hungry, Poor, HIV, Widowed, Fatherless, Oppressed - and yet through her beatuiful smile - I see Jesus.

Three weeks in a far away land called Africa - I learned more about the Gospel than I have in my whole life. Thinking about those three weeks - I learned so much, I would have done things differently, I would have spent more time in Masi, I would have loved more - but somehow through my feeble attempts I seen that God through his extrodiary greatness turns my filthy rags of righteous into something beautiful - only through Jesus. God really can use less than ordianary people. He is looking for people who are willing.

Now I know a lot of people say - bloom where you are planted - and that is right on. It is our families desire to bless each other and the community that we live in - and by the grace of God there be fruit in our action.

But what do you do with a deep intense passion for the orphan and the widow... That is what we have been praying about for the last two years. We go from this is a selfish desire, to.. NO this is a calling... to this is a selfish desire.. to NO this is a calling. The cry of the orphan rings in our ears.

I live in a small community (which I love) where we have 19 churches. On any given week this summer my kids could go to Vacation Bible School. One week this summer three churches were holding them at the same time.

I think what great opportunities for the churches to be intentional about reaching our kids with the Gospel. i have seen churches in my community that are Spirit-filled and are so passionate about seeking the lost in our community. I applaud them and are thankful for them.

But there are places, just 15 min away in the city where there is less opportunity to hear and expereince the Gospel, and then there are places in the world where people who need HOPE are forgotten.

The harvest is ripe... the workers are few.

That is the first thing that Kevin said the first time he came home from Africa.

we are willing to be sent LORD, If it is not now then maybe later, if it is not physically being there, then it will be through prayers, finacial (God willing) and through encouragement of the people who are there. We don't want to forget, we want to plead the cause of the orphan and the widow. We know that God has blessed us to be a blessing.

I thank God for the brothers and sisters who live in Africa, the ones we know by name but also for all the ones they represent. WE so love them.

Someday when the King of Kings returns - we will be reunited - praising Jesus - just like in the 10x10 huts - only well all have our mansions, and we'll be neighbors.


Living today to its fullest and still dreaming dreams about furthering His Kingdom in a foreign land. I have learned that even a dream can become an idol - so living in contentment with a heart fully committed to Jesus and trusting is God's Way.

Jesus - today like every other day - I want to thank you for the opportunity to live in Africa for three weeks, thank you for totally messing me up, thank you for humbling me, and thank you mostly for being so real to me through my African friends. You are still using them to refine me.

Bless them and keep them LORD, make your face shine upon them and give them PEACE.

P.S. Jesus, in your perfect timing we can't wait to be reunited with them.

Being the Church

It has been a long time since I type in this space. I have tried many times but putting into words what has been going on in my heart has been hard. God has been good, He is a God who has heard my prayers and has answered - not so much in changing my circumstances, or dreams because really a lot has not changed still in the same place but he has again, changed my heart and has filled me with HIs Peace, Joy and Love... but that will be an entry for another day.

Right now I want to capture a truly God filled day yesterday - a day that will lay in my families memory bank hopefully forever.

Our church has been studying "Tale of Two Cities" The city of God and the city of man for the last 6 weeks. Through the leading of the Holy Spirit - we were challenged to "Be the Church" not attend church - and part of this was taking our Sunday church gathering out for two weeks and challenging us to go out on our street corner, prayter walk, gather in homes, pray, seek God as families, enjoy the Presence of God and celebrate.

I woke up to a beautiful day - the sun shining - I got my ipod on and went for a power walk - worshiping Jesus - everyone else stil sleeping. My heart bursting with thanksgiving for all the blessings that God has poured out for me and my family.

After my walk everyone was up and we gathered in our living room f0r family church. We spent the first half of the morning declaring who God is. Asking for His Spirit to dwell among us and showing himself to us. Reading Psalm 25 and then talking about what Fearing God means. The kids during prayer declared who Jesus with to them - as parents we were humbled. The sincere prayer of kids is powerful.

We memorized Ijohn3:16 - talking about love is - Jesus extrodinary love for us and then how we are commanded to love others. This lead us into a of prayer of repentance.

Next we were goingto go prayer walking in our neighborhood - except in my mind I was struggling with this - we live on a busy street not sure how to do it as a family. So Ally suggested that we go on our roof and pray over our whole neighborhood...

So thats what we did and man did we expereince God. Looking over our neighborhood, gazing at the beauty and feeling a cool breeze. It is undeniable how real God is.

I should add though that God brought me through my HUGE fear of heights. IT was not pretty going up and coming down for me. Fear overtook my whole body. Now it is hiliarious but during it was real and paralizing. But my gracious husband and kids were very patient with me. Believe me they seen a side of me that they never knew (and neither did I) Another great reminder of how weak we really are, and we need each other to cheer us on.

After that wonderful morning we went to the beach with Jake and Tory Weilhower and the Sharma family. The sharmas are a family we have come to love so much. They are a refugee family that has come over from Bhutan they have been here for 3 months now. We have helped them get settled into life here. Its our deepest deisre that they come to know Jesus. It was a beautiful day at the beach - it was fun to bring them there - they have never seen such beauty.

And we ended the day with a campfire with our great old friends - The Dyks - along with danmike and chels. laughing at stories being told by dan. Yes a great day - a Sabbath that we as a family will cherish forever in our hearts.

Singing

"ARISE MY DARLING, MY BEAUTIFUL ONE, AND COME TO ME. SEE WINTER IS PAST THE RAINS ARE OVER AND GONE. FLOWERS APPEAR ON THE EARTH, THE SEASON OF SINGING HAS COME. SONG OF SONGS 2:12&113



I woke up to birds singing this morning. It has been a long time since I have heard that majestic sound. The snow has gone for now. (living in Michigan we can expect snow into April). The windows are open and the sun is shining. I love this time of year. I sent the kids to school today in sweatshirts (no snowpants, mittens etc...) It is a wonderful reminder that winter doenst last forever...

I took a walk today in the woods behind my house with my dogs. The woods with my animals have always been a place of refuge for me. When I was growing up I had horses and we lived on a lot of land. I would go bare back on my horse and be gone for hours in the woods and pastures. My dogs would follow along too, trying to keep up. There was/is nothing like feeling the wind blowing on your face and the feeling of freedom in the wide open.

Today i went walking desperate to connect with my Jesus. Being in the woods and seeing little hints that spring is just around the corner, watching my dogs having the time of their lives chasing down scents with their tails wagging. I love to have my ipod on with worship music on and just walk, sit, and marvel that all creation are under the control of our Creator. The squirrells were running around, the snow disolves, the sun was shining bright, the breeze was springlike, the trees will start budding soon and flowers will awake from under the earth and bloom. In a few short weeks there will be new full vibrant life everywhere.

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday and she said something profound to me that she learned through Esther Bible Study (Beth Moore).

Why does God's Word say - those that wait on the LORD will renew their strength.

I feel like I have been waiting in the LORD for a while now and I dont feel strong, infact quite the opposite.

Maybe its because I'm waiting on the "thing" and not on the LORD. I feel like God has been teaching me to just enjoy him for being Him, and not only for what he can do. I have so many questions, so many unknowns, so many people that I am praying for, so many requests for myself, kevin, and the kids. So many things that I want God to accomplish and I know God still wants to hear the cry of my heart and my petitions and he loves it when i take all my cares to him but He also delights when I totally delight in him as my God, my saviour, my father.

SO today when I went on my walk with Jesus, I just praised him for who he is, I took delight in his goodness, I was awed by his marks on all creation, and I was humbled to my knees of the presence of his undeserving and unfailing love he has for me.

It felt so good to just enjoy the presence of Jesus today. To really sit and "Be still and Know". To know that winter is fading and spring is coming.

I also felt like God used one of my dogs to teach me. (God speaks through all things right?!) no really - my golden has a hurt paw, he is always licking it and nursing it. When I said "lets go for a walk" both dogs get so excited and they prance and run way ahead of me then come back, they are gitty. My golden was limping the whole time and by the end of the walk he was limping quite bad, but he didnt want the walk to end. He didnt stay back licking his wound, but he went on an adventure with his master and was loving every minute of it. And I loved watching him.

I know sometimes I lag behind because I would rather sit in my fear and doubt - and I miss some pretty great adventures that Jesus has for me. I felt like Jesus spoke over me - "Marcy you dont need to be perfect for me take you along, in fact you wont be, and there may be times you are skipping and jumping, there may be times when you are walking or limping and there will be times when you are crawling, but keep moving with me I got you in the palm of my hand securely."

And so as it is said in Song og Songs " Arise, my darling, my beautiful one" I will rise and walk, knowing that whatever season I am in, Jesus is there too.

Winter is over and the singing will again begin. Joining with all of creation exalting the name of JESUS.