Show us your way, O LORD, teach us your paths, guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Saviour and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:4
For many of you who follow my blog, you know in a vague way what God is doing in my heart, Kevin's heart. The constant tension of having something on our heart and not knowing what God want us to do with it. He has given us a deep love and desire to be a voice for Africa and someday to go there and work side by side with our african brothers and sisters. But here, living in a community of people who are living missionally among the least of these in our area. Where the harvest is ripe but the workers are few.
Well we've been on a fence for awhile, and I think being on the fence has been part of this learning process and surrender process. God has been refining us indivually, as husband and wife and as a family. And we feel like God is showing us - that now is the time to climb down and begin to walk into an unknown. And let me tell you - we've been on this journey before, the last one of going to Africa but before Africa - something that God called us to that totally changed our lives and our relationship with Him was the calling to put our kids in public school.
Ten years ago - after so much wrestling and going back and forth, seeking wisdom - we walked into the unknown. We put our most precious treasure on the school bus that dropped him off at Byron Center Public School. Now to some of you this would be like no big deal. But to us it was huge.
You see we grew up in a community where, church, christian school and family were/are a huge deal. It was the only thing that we known. it was safe, it felt good, everyone knew each other, looked like each other. In fact Sawyer was enrolled there - and we went to Kindengarten round up and I looked around the gym and thought to myself - I am related to half the people here. And if I'm not related to them they are related to others in the room. And hear me. this is not a public school/christian school debate. I have many friends there and I see the work of the Spirit working so beatuifully in many people's lives. But for some reason God had a different calling for our family and that was going to the school down the road. The school I would never have sent my kids to. (at least that is what I was thinking).
Yes, in my pride I thought - how embarrassing that my kids will be wearing black/orange, how embarassing that they would go to school with poor kids, kids that come from divorced famlies, kids that said bad words, and education that is less than the best. My kids deserve more, God release me from this.
In concept I knew - yes the Public schools need Christians, if all the Christians huddle together how will the world know. But God honestly - not my kids - someone else please.
And then when we did surrender this and say yes LORD, the comments from people, and the whole backlash of our obediance was not encouraged, we got the shaft. It was a lonely season. But a season where God humbled us, and where we felt His lovingkindness. It may have been the place where God turned our hearts from Jesus is our Saviour to Jesus is our everything- we started our journey of becoming disciples of Jesus
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One thing that I was so thankful for was - after a lot of playing the devils advocate, my family came aboard right when the decision was made and cheered us on. That made a HUGE difference
And God has used the public school to be pivital in all relationships. We thought we were coming in to save the day, and what God has done is put people in place to minister to us, that have come from such different walks of life and who's lifes have pointed us to Jesus. We have seen tremendous growth in our kids. Yes, they are exposed to more, but we feel priveledge to walk them through the yuck of life, our own yuck and the yuck of others.
It has brought us to a deeper prayer life - i tell you before the kids were in the school, kevin and I didnt dare to pray out loud, the first thing i did was join a prayer group at our school and I remember leaving there the first time, after hearing mothers bear their hearts to Jesus on behalf of their kids stunned - knowing that there was a HUGE void in my relationship with Jesus. And since then God has shown Kevin and I so much prayer and how he works through our desperation.
And by the way - we love our public school and see God moving. We are blessed to have many Christian leaders, teachers and families. The public school is not such a scary place.
ten years later....
God has been laying a calling on our heart that we have to pursue. It doenst mean that it will happen - but we know that if we dont at least do the footwork - then we are acting in disobediance and arenet allowing God to work.
Part of me is scared to death the other part of me is excited to see what does God have in store for our family.
The calling is moving into Grand Rapids, and joining already established Kingdom communities and learn, serve and be. We have wonderful friends doing this and we have watch from a distance, praying that God would would never call us to that - but applauding them for their obediance and seeing Jesus work in them and through them to the least of these in our area.
We have been playing the pros and con thing for three years - although it has been wise for us to do - we have learned that we cant contain God in a pro/con list. His ways are not our ways - they are bigger and better and in that we need to trust.
So who knows - maybe God will shut the next door and then we dont pursue this road - but for now God is calling us to walk. - So pray for us - we will be talking with people, praying and praying. For three years as a family we have been seeking God' heart - asking Him to unify all 6 of us to the place He has for us - He is doing something in all our hearts - I have told God many times over the past few weeks - "I want off the train now!!!" I want to go back to my Egypt, my comfort, - but we are going to keep walking - knowing that God only reveals one step at a time, He may circle us all the way back to 3375 100th Street, Byron Center. But we are willing to go on this journey and see what we can learn long the way.
May our Saviour, Jesus, be glorified.
