So here we are into 2013...
I have lots of anticipation, excitement and a bit of sadness as we enter into this year...
we know that 2013 will bring change...
the house we live in is being bought by our friends who will be taking leadership over the Boiler Room so we will be moving out...
sawyer will be graduating from high school and is praying and exploring different options for his next phase of life...+
and a couple of other possible changes for our family that we are praying about...
so we kept thinking and saying once 2013 comes then we will start making steps to the place we are feeling God call us to. we have been here before, and know that what we are starting is a process with lots of twist and turns but we know that we serve a faithful loving God who has a great plan for us and where we land will be amazing even if it isn't what we expect because it never is anyways...
so in this post I want to reflect on the last 2.5 years... I cant believe its been 2.5 years since moved into 717 Davis grand rapids Michigan to join a community of believers that we love and share what I have learned and experienced.
I have learned that saying yes to God is better than anything that I could have imagined.
I have learned that saying yes to God is the hardest thing I have ever done.
I have learned that obedience is always first and foremost about God wanting to teach me something more about my own poverty and need and His persistent love for me than it is about me "saving the world"
I have learned that often love does not win.
I have learned that Jesus always wins.
I have learned that miracles happen many times over in a day...such as living in a dark dark place and having no fear.
....experiencing peace in a chaos - miracle
....having love in my heart for the unlovable - miracle
i am learning that living in community with like minded Jesus loving people is a great way to live
I am learning that living in community does get messy and can be tiring but in that we experience the miracle of Gods grace and love for each other.
I have learned that home can be anywhere...
I have experienced freedom from man's approval...
- I have learned that poverty is such a complicated deep issue to take on and learning to live in the tension of knowing that Jesus is the Riches and we as believers hold the RICHES and how to do that...its really as simple as Jesus way...discipleship - one on one...small.
- I have learned a lot about gangs and that little boys as young as three dream about being part of a gang...
- I have learned that my heart can grow cold and become desensitized by being taken advantage of time and time again....and then Jesus showing me that in His eyes, when I am walking in my flesh look no different than these homeless people who day after day look like dead man walking.
- I am learning that my sin looks no different to Jesus than the addict on the street craving the next hit..
I have experienced God's faithfulness time and time again
I have seen God in His faithfulness mold and teach my kids lessons we could never teach on our own about HIS heart for the lost, lonely and fatherless...
I have learned that I look just as much forward to Love Feast on Wednesday nights and seeing my family interact with all our neighbors and homeless as I do any sporting event.
I have learned that saying yes to God does come with an earthly price...it is costly and Jesus says over and over count the cost.
I have learned that I miss carpet, cabinets in bathrooms, basement, basketball hoops, grass and closets.
I have learned that when it comes to mice and cock roaches I still have a long ways to go...
I have learned that the more I learn about Jesus and HIS heart for me and for the world...the more I realize how little I know...
I have learned that there is so much learning, experiencing and growing to do when it comes to God's way...Jesus example is so upside down from this stinkin world we live in...
I am learning that Jesus does not want my good works...He wants me
I am learning that Jesus wants me to crave HIS presence more than His workings.
I am learning that it is ONLY in HIS Presence where I find true life....better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere...amen
I am learning that God has given me today...don't live in the past or the future but live in the mundane of today...and experiencing Jesus here.
- I am learning that doing good feels bad...because there is so much need and brokenness around me...it makes me feel weak in the sense that I cant do anything to help in most cases and I feel out of control... what do you say to a young mom who's asking for prayer because she will be homeless in a few days with a baby...what do you say to Dave as he talks about all the loss in his life after he just shot up with heroine...or Joe who lost his wife and son and lives on the street and drinks to numb his pain...what do you say to Robert who is ten and already is part of a gang and is assigned to a Parole Officer because he has a record, what do you say to a thirteen year old that is pregnant, or to Roy who has liver cancer and is dying...what do you say to young women who gets beat up by their boyfriends but in their twisted mind they think it is normal or somehow their fault and go back for more, what do you say to kids that stop by your house on dark and cold wintry night who want a ride to their house, which is a mile away cause their parents are deadbeats... what do you say to the parents who are so broken because their kids got taken away and are in the foster care system, what do you say to kids who are in the foster care system that have never been loved by their parents... it forces me to turn to Jesus who is the only HOPE to this broken world. He's my HOPE... Jesus only Jesus...endless HOPE for endless need
We love the Westside...many days we have Dave Laforest, a homeless man, on our front porch...lately almost every time he sees us he asks " are you guys really moving from the westside...don't know why you came here in the first place..this is no place for anyone to live"...hmmm and we tell him...we are thankful for the westside we love the westside...right now there is no where else we would rather be....until the LORD calls....but what Dave is really getting at is this fight in his heart and mind...he has experienced Jesus love through a community of people who love Jesus...another miracle that God's light and love can be shown through a bunch of ordinary broken people...the fight that goes on....Jesus does win...that doesn't change whether we believe or not...it is just a matter of what side we will be on the winning team of losing....
I am learning that Jesus is more BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING than I can ever comprehend and that HIS ways are so radically upside down from the ways we think are right side up.
i am learning that if all we can offer someone is one moment of peace, or hope, or a place of shelter to get out of the storm, a cup of cold water, a cup of coffee, a meal, a smile, a word of encouragement, an ear to listen to their story (don't we all want to be known and heard) boots, a blanket that somehow God works in this small stuff...it is one moment that a person sees light in their darkness, its a glimpse of Jesus loving them...it all Jesus of course...but isn't that what we are commissioned to do...GO...and when we go then Jesus promises to send HIS Spirit...
i don't know where we will ended up living...but i am forever grateful for our time here on the westside...Jesus is wrecking me...and hes wrecking my family...its not a pretty process, it's showing me my pride, my need, my entitlement i feel.. but i know that we will never be the same and never be able to go back to who we were before...Praise the LORD...we are a work in process.
the greatest thing I am learning is that I am a miracle....Jesus was compelled by His love for me to pursue me and love me and change my heart of stone into a heart of flesh...and now I am compelled to share this great LOVE to the hopeless...Grace all Grace...we as HIS bride get to be part of the GREATEST story ever written...
