and here is home. That is what Logan said a few weeks back and it makes me smile cause that is what God does, it doesnt matter where you are - when you are walking in obediance it's home because God is present and that is what we as a family has expereince over these past few months.
Living here has exposed us again our despereate need for Jesus. It is ugly and beautiful all at the same time.
Looking out my window right now, there is trash, cigarette buds, dumpy looking houses all in my view. Quite different from living on 100th Street with huge perfectly manicured lawn bigger than a football field, fields and wild life, quiet and peaceful, carefree and no people to see or for that matter to hear. My quiet time with Jesus was singing at the top of my lungs in my home way off the road and engaging in His Word in total quietness, other times it would be taking walks in the woods and laying in the meadow, blown away by God's majestic creation.
I told Jesus this weekend, I miss those times with you, where can I go to find you.
i felt Him speak to my heart "You found me, I'm here with the broken and the poor. I am a huge God and you will find me in the beauty of my Creation Marcy, but you will also find me in the mess so keep loving and looking, I'm here.
And JESUS is here. He was here last night as we went caroling through out the neighborhood, declaring Christ the Savior is born and seeing Delores (a cocaine addict) come out and smile and shouting Merry Christmas, singing to Doc and Pam ( a homeless couple) who heard us singing and tracked us down. Seeing little kids peaking from behind their mom's legs to hear the songs with big smiles on their face. These are just a few snapshots.
He was in the midst of this family he is growing down here, laughing and sharing and eating. From the oldest to the youngest, everyone finding their place and knowing that we are on a mission together here, to love God with all our hearts and to love our neighbor and make the name of JESUS famous.
Jesus was here at 10:00 pm when Sawyer, Sam and Brayden wanted to go outside with a venison burger for Dave and sat and talked with him for an hour.
Following Jesus is not boring, we tell our kids all the time, He is a blast to follow. That doesnt mean that we have to be doing something big - just the opposite Jesus works in the small. Ally said b/f going to bed last night, "I cant believe this is my life, I love it" God is faithful.
This is rich living, is it always easy? not even close, many days it can be hard, and there are days where our hearts go back to the carefree, surrounded by beauty life we had on 100th St... but like Jenn says, there will be pastures and fields and beauty waiting in our forever home, and our greatest day here on earth will only be a bad afternoon in heaven.
He is here - Jesus is bringing peace to chaos, He's doing it in our life and in the lives of our new friends, even if for a moment.
We may not be surrounded by beauty in the landscape, although our friends are bringing beauty into the neighborhood with gardens and flowers and coats of fresh paint, but we are surrounded by beautiful people and it is our prayer that the work God has been doing, He will bring it to completion and that the Westside will radiate the Glory of Jesus, one household at a time.
Now to HIM who is able to do abudantly more than we can ask for be glorifed forever and ever.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Catching My Breath
So much to give God glory for over the past month
- We've moved... our address is 717 Davis Ave NW
- Sawyer got his drivers license
- I got a job working at Bethany Christian Services with Refugees. I love it!!
-Kids are back in school.
- Kevin is being so blessed with good work
-Have healthy kids that are very involved with their school's sports teams.
- Have a renewed passion for the orphan in Africa
- Feeling like we as a family are entering into 'new things" and learning so much from the old
-Expereince God as our Rock in a the hardest season of our lives and seeing the end of the tunnel and being amazed that God really does work out all thing for the good.
- So many people in our lives that we love and adore and learn so much from, who have welcomed us in the neighborhood, family that has celebrated and supported us. And new people that we have met and others who we anticipating meeting.
So much praise and that is just a short list...
OHHHH YAY - one more praise - we got a puppy!!! Mya is her name, Bermese Mountain dog and we love her!!!
How is it living downtown?....
What can I say, it feels like home. It felt like home the first night we moved in. And no I'm not romantizing it all... But when you are walking into obediance with God and have this peace that only comes from HIM then your home... and that is what we expereinced.
Our first night here, we got to feed D a homeless man a meal, and when we came home he was passed out on our front porch. He slept there and in the morning we had a cup of coffee with him and listen to his story. Thankful that we could offer shelter to D - he is a son of someone, a brother and dad to someone and most importantly - he is loved by our Heavenly Father.
And so no.... we arent opening our porch up every night to the drunk homeless men - but if they or anyone else needs a place of peace in this chaotic world, we pray that is what our home will be, a place that shouts JESUS.
We are just meeting our neighbors, the kids are meeting kids in the neighborhood, each Sunday Jordan - an intern at the Boiler Room - has set aside time to play roller hockey with the kids, we get to be part of that too.
Love Feast on Wednesday is something we like to be part of too, a great way to meet our neighbors.
We are learning already so much about God's Kingdom breaking in down here by watching Tony and Jenn, Brad and Michelle, Phil and Allison, Brooke and Tim, and the Boiler Room crew - so much more to learn but we're seeing... God created family... and His Body is family... and when we love each other well, have fun together, share our burdens, celebrate in our joys... that's attractive to the watching world... and they want to be part of God's family... we cant do it in our strength but through the love and grace of God we pray our family on the Westside grows, that new brothers and sisters will come home... That is our hope and we feel so very blessed that God has called us here. May we become less and JESUS become more.
More to come...
- We've moved... our address is 717 Davis Ave NW
- Sawyer got his drivers license
- I got a job working at Bethany Christian Services with Refugees. I love it!!
-Kids are back in school.
- Kevin is being so blessed with good work
-Have healthy kids that are very involved with their school's sports teams.
- Have a renewed passion for the orphan in Africa
- Feeling like we as a family are entering into 'new things" and learning so much from the old
-Expereince God as our Rock in a the hardest season of our lives and seeing the end of the tunnel and being amazed that God really does work out all thing for the good.
- So many people in our lives that we love and adore and learn so much from, who have welcomed us in the neighborhood, family that has celebrated and supported us. And new people that we have met and others who we anticipating meeting.
So much praise and that is just a short list...
OHHHH YAY - one more praise - we got a puppy!!! Mya is her name, Bermese Mountain dog and we love her!!!
How is it living downtown?....
What can I say, it feels like home. It felt like home the first night we moved in. And no I'm not romantizing it all... But when you are walking into obediance with God and have this peace that only comes from HIM then your home... and that is what we expereinced.
Our first night here, we got to feed D a homeless man a meal, and when we came home he was passed out on our front porch. He slept there and in the morning we had a cup of coffee with him and listen to his story. Thankful that we could offer shelter to D - he is a son of someone, a brother and dad to someone and most importantly - he is loved by our Heavenly Father.
And so no.... we arent opening our porch up every night to the drunk homeless men - but if they or anyone else needs a place of peace in this chaotic world, we pray that is what our home will be, a place that shouts JESUS.
We are just meeting our neighbors, the kids are meeting kids in the neighborhood, each Sunday Jordan - an intern at the Boiler Room - has set aside time to play roller hockey with the kids, we get to be part of that too.
Love Feast on Wednesday is something we like to be part of too, a great way to meet our neighbors.
We are learning already so much about God's Kingdom breaking in down here by watching Tony and Jenn, Brad and Michelle, Phil and Allison, Brooke and Tim, and the Boiler Room crew - so much more to learn but we're seeing... God created family... and His Body is family... and when we love each other well, have fun together, share our burdens, celebrate in our joys... that's attractive to the watching world... and they want to be part of God's family... we cant do it in our strength but through the love and grace of God we pray our family on the Westside grows, that new brothers and sisters will come home... That is our hope and we feel so very blessed that God has called us here. May we become less and JESUS become more.
More to come...
Saturday, July 31, 2010
HUMBLED
Havent written here for a long time. A lot has taken place at the smith family to be honest, a lot of "desert" time. I heard someone say that we need to embrace the wilderness and the last few months that is what we have tried to do. Not try and run and find ways out but to seek God here, knowing that he has led us here, to humble us, to draw us to him, to let us expereince HIS peace in the midst of chaos. This season has been HIS GRACE to us.
It has forces us as a family to really seek HIM. It has allowed us to expereince grace from family and friends. It has allowed to wrestle with God and HIS calling on our family. It has brought us to our knees many times in humlity. It has brought us out of our comfort where we are totally dependant on Jesus and then have expereinced miracles. It has made Kevin and I really pray through and talk about what is important it has slowed us down.
There are many giants that we all see and encounter everyday, and sometimes the giants are coming in all directions, but... we serve the KING of KINGS and the giants are only going to get as close to us as God allows them too. And Jesus is sitting in the throne, advocating, praying and defending us.
If the LORD delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumbles, he will not fall for the LORD upholds him with his hand.
and I love the promise in 2Tim where it says "even when we are faithless, Christ will remain faithful" Our God is faithful, abounding in love, full of compassion and slow to anger. And that is what we have expereinced so much over these past few months.
As we look back over these past few month, we have seen the finger prints of God all over. It has astounded us, because even as I type about the desert, there have been many times crying out to God "WHERE ARE YOU" and not hearing him answer back - until going to HIS great book and opening it and finding promise upon promise. I love HIS WORDS, I love how HIS words convict or comfort. We have claimed these promises over and over again they have been our lifeline and HOPE. And God is FAITHFUL - we have experineced HIS faithfulness over and over.
Looking back over the past few years - God has put us on a path, a path we would have never choosen for ourselves, but a path that we feel humbled and so blessed to be called to. It started with being involved with The Boiler Room prayer ministry, then Africa and now...
He has called us to live among the poor in our area and join The Boiler Room Community,and learn from and serve each other and our neighbors in the NAME of JESUS.
Yes, we are moving to Grand Rapids at the end of August. We have no idea what to expect, we just know that God has said "go" and so we walk, trusting HIS WAY.
If you get anything out of this blog I hope it will be this: We are a simple, less than ordinary, uneducated, broken family. We fail often, but only through God's grace and mercy He can take all our junk and make into something beautiful - its only because of JESUS - we are clothed in HIS righteousness. He is calling each to go into the world and make disciples. It doenst matter where it is or how it is done - but lets continue to encourage each other and spurr each other on to love God with everything and love others as we love ourselves. We are pilgrams here, we have to remember this, this is not our home - the harvest is plenty but the workers are few.
When the work is done - then we get to behold JESUS face to face - and oh what a day that will be!!
It has forces us as a family to really seek HIM. It has allowed us to expereince grace from family and friends. It has allowed to wrestle with God and HIS calling on our family. It has brought us to our knees many times in humlity. It has brought us out of our comfort where we are totally dependant on Jesus and then have expereinced miracles. It has made Kevin and I really pray through and talk about what is important it has slowed us down.
There are many giants that we all see and encounter everyday, and sometimes the giants are coming in all directions, but... we serve the KING of KINGS and the giants are only going to get as close to us as God allows them too. And Jesus is sitting in the throne, advocating, praying and defending us.
If the LORD delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumbles, he will not fall for the LORD upholds him with his hand.
and I love the promise in 2Tim where it says "even when we are faithless, Christ will remain faithful" Our God is faithful, abounding in love, full of compassion and slow to anger. And that is what we have expereinced so much over these past few months.
As we look back over these past few month, we have seen the finger prints of God all over. It has astounded us, because even as I type about the desert, there have been many times crying out to God "WHERE ARE YOU" and not hearing him answer back - until going to HIS great book and opening it and finding promise upon promise. I love HIS WORDS, I love how HIS words convict or comfort. We have claimed these promises over and over again they have been our lifeline and HOPE. And God is FAITHFUL - we have experineced HIS faithfulness over and over.
Looking back over the past few years - God has put us on a path, a path we would have never choosen for ourselves, but a path that we feel humbled and so blessed to be called to. It started with being involved with The Boiler Room prayer ministry, then Africa and now...
He has called us to live among the poor in our area and join The Boiler Room Community,and learn from and serve each other and our neighbors in the NAME of JESUS.
Yes, we are moving to Grand Rapids at the end of August. We have no idea what to expect, we just know that God has said "go" and so we walk, trusting HIS WAY.
If you get anything out of this blog I hope it will be this: We are a simple, less than ordinary, uneducated, broken family. We fail often, but only through God's grace and mercy He can take all our junk and make into something beautiful - its only because of JESUS - we are clothed in HIS righteousness. He is calling each to go into the world and make disciples. It doenst matter where it is or how it is done - but lets continue to encourage each other and spurr each other on to love God with everything and love others as we love ourselves. We are pilgrams here, we have to remember this, this is not our home - the harvest is plenty but the workers are few.
When the work is done - then we get to behold JESUS face to face - and oh what a day that will be!!
Friday, May 28, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
FIXING MY EYES ON JESUS
"Therefore since we are surrounded by a greaqt cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everyhting that hinders and sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus the Author and Perfetor of our faith." Hebrews 12:1&2
This has been my verse in this season of life. The more I read the Gospels, the more I study the life of Jesus, the more I get to know my Heavenly Fathers heart, the more I see how upside down I have been living, how much my heart is given to the things of this world and how my mind has been conformed to the patterns here.
It has been my prayer over these past few years that I would have the mind of Christ, that my heart would not be divided and that my eyes can be fixed on Jesus. I am a work in process, but slowly I see transformation taking place and it has been through, stripping me of things that I have come to put my trust and worth in. God has been renewing my mind, and has certainly been breaking my heart for what breaks His.
God sold our house on March 7, and we were moved out by March 26. We have been praying for this for two years and God did it in His perfect timing. Although He does have a sense of humor because Kevin had work out in Lousiana, so he wasnt even part of the move and both sets of parents were out of state for the month. God again showed us that we are part of His family, and we were humbled and blown away by our dear friends and family who spent their time taking care of us and helping us pack and move - everything went down fairly easy.
Kevin and I thought that when God sold our house He would have the very place ready for us to move to - the funny thing is we had no where to move to... the house we were looking at in GR sold, and there was not one single thing to rent in Byron Center... so my brother and sister in law have so graciously opened their home until something comes available.
John Piper asked " Can you bear uncertainty?"
Jesus responds to this question " you must, to be a follower of mine" Luke 9:57-59.
We have been living in a season of uncertainty, Kevin has been working for a commerical company and likes it - but it is new and looks very different than working for yourself.
People are always asking us - whats your plan? whats next... and to be honest we think we know, but we just dont know how and when and exactly where God is going to lead us next.
And God has revealed a lot of pride in my heart and also fear of what people think, I'll say it, we will go wherever God calls us to go. We dont want to live anymore according to what the culture says is right, or even how church tradition says how we do church. We want to live in according to God's will - to put ALL our trust in Him. He is our great Provider and Protector - His heart for His people is perfect love - why do we so easily question Him.
God has taught us so much, and has been so faithful in every step of the way in this journey - we will not turn back to our comfort - we will fix our eyes on Jesus and run the race He has marked out for our family because just as Jesus endured the cross, He knew the joy set before Him, we are trusting that God's plan for us is because His ultimate desire for us is for our joy to be complete. What an awesome God we serve!! He is not a far away God - but an intimate God who wahts us to know Him as Abba Father.
And so now we will wait knowing that God "acts on behalf of those who wait for him" Isaiah 64:4
This has been my verse in this season of life. The more I read the Gospels, the more I study the life of Jesus, the more I get to know my Heavenly Fathers heart, the more I see how upside down I have been living, how much my heart is given to the things of this world and how my mind has been conformed to the patterns here.
It has been my prayer over these past few years that I would have the mind of Christ, that my heart would not be divided and that my eyes can be fixed on Jesus. I am a work in process, but slowly I see transformation taking place and it has been through, stripping me of things that I have come to put my trust and worth in. God has been renewing my mind, and has certainly been breaking my heart for what breaks His.
God sold our house on March 7, and we were moved out by March 26. We have been praying for this for two years and God did it in His perfect timing. Although He does have a sense of humor because Kevin had work out in Lousiana, so he wasnt even part of the move and both sets of parents were out of state for the month. God again showed us that we are part of His family, and we were humbled and blown away by our dear friends and family who spent their time taking care of us and helping us pack and move - everything went down fairly easy.
Kevin and I thought that when God sold our house He would have the very place ready for us to move to - the funny thing is we had no where to move to... the house we were looking at in GR sold, and there was not one single thing to rent in Byron Center... so my brother and sister in law have so graciously opened their home until something comes available.
John Piper asked " Can you bear uncertainty?"
Jesus responds to this question " you must, to be a follower of mine" Luke 9:57-59.
We have been living in a season of uncertainty, Kevin has been working for a commerical company and likes it - but it is new and looks very different than working for yourself.
People are always asking us - whats your plan? whats next... and to be honest we think we know, but we just dont know how and when and exactly where God is going to lead us next.
And God has revealed a lot of pride in my heart and also fear of what people think, I'll say it, we will go wherever God calls us to go. We dont want to live anymore according to what the culture says is right, or even how church tradition says how we do church. We want to live in according to God's will - to put ALL our trust in Him. He is our great Provider and Protector - His heart for His people is perfect love - why do we so easily question Him.
God has taught us so much, and has been so faithful in every step of the way in this journey - we will not turn back to our comfort - we will fix our eyes on Jesus and run the race He has marked out for our family because just as Jesus endured the cross, He knew the joy set before Him, we are trusting that God's plan for us is because His ultimate desire for us is for our joy to be complete. What an awesome God we serve!! He is not a far away God - but an intimate God who wahts us to know Him as Abba Father.
And so now we will wait knowing that God "acts on behalf of those who wait for him" Isaiah 64:4
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
GETTING OFF THE FENCE
Show us your way, O LORD, teach us your paths, guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Saviour and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:4
For many of you who follow my blog, you know in a vague way what God is doing in my heart, Kevin's heart. The constant tension of having something on our heart and not knowing what God want us to do with it. He has given us a deep love and desire to be a voice for Africa and someday to go there and work side by side with our african brothers and sisters. But here, living in a community of people who are living missionally among the least of these in our area. Where the harvest is ripe but the workers are few.
Well we've been on a fence for awhile, and I think being on the fence has been part of this learning process and surrender process. God has been refining us indivually, as husband and wife and as a family. And we feel like God is showing us - that now is the time to climb down and begin to walk into an unknown. And let me tell you - we've been on this journey before, the last one of going to Africa but before Africa - something that God called us to that totally changed our lives and our relationship with Him was the calling to put our kids in public school.
Ten years ago - after so much wrestling and going back and forth, seeking wisdom - we walked into the unknown. We put our most precious treasure on the school bus that dropped him off at Byron Center Public School. Now to some of you this would be like no big deal. But to us it was huge.
You see we grew up in a community where, church, christian school and family were/are a huge deal. It was the only thing that we known. it was safe, it felt good, everyone knew each other, looked like each other. In fact Sawyer was enrolled there - and we went to Kindengarten round up and I looked around the gym and thought to myself - I am related to half the people here. And if I'm not related to them they are related to others in the room. And hear me. this is not a public school/christian school debate. I have many friends there and I see the work of the Spirit working so beatuifully in many people's lives. But for some reason God had a different calling for our family and that was going to the school down the road. The school I would never have sent my kids to. (at least that is what I was thinking).
Yes, in my pride I thought - how embarrassing that my kids will be wearing black/orange, how embarassing that they would go to school with poor kids, kids that come from divorced famlies, kids that said bad words, and education that is less than the best. My kids deserve more, God release me from this.
In concept I knew - yes the Public schools need Christians, if all the Christians huddle together how will the world know. But God honestly - not my kids - someone else please.
And then when we did surrender this and say yes LORD, the comments from people, and the whole backlash of our obediance was not encouraged, we got the shaft. It was a lonely season. But a season where God humbled us, and where we felt His lovingkindness. It may have been the place where God turned our hearts from Jesus is our Saviour to Jesus is our everything- we started our journey of becoming disciples of Jesus
.
One thing that I was so thankful for was - after a lot of playing the devils advocate, my family came aboard right when the decision was made and cheered us on. That made a HUGE difference
And God has used the public school to be pivital in all relationships. We thought we were coming in to save the day, and what God has done is put people in place to minister to us, that have come from such different walks of life and who's lifes have pointed us to Jesus. We have seen tremendous growth in our kids. Yes, they are exposed to more, but we feel priveledge to walk them through the yuck of life, our own yuck and the yuck of others.
It has brought us to a deeper prayer life - i tell you before the kids were in the school, kevin and I didnt dare to pray out loud, the first thing i did was join a prayer group at our school and I remember leaving there the first time, after hearing mothers bear their hearts to Jesus on behalf of their kids stunned - knowing that there was a HUGE void in my relationship with Jesus. And since then God has shown Kevin and I so much prayer and how he works through our desperation.
And by the way - we love our public school and see God moving. We are blessed to have many Christian leaders, teachers and families. The public school is not such a scary place.
ten years later....
God has been laying a calling on our heart that we have to pursue. It doenst mean that it will happen - but we know that if we dont at least do the footwork - then we are acting in disobediance and arenet allowing God to work.
Part of me is scared to death the other part of me is excited to see what does God have in store for our family.
The calling is moving into Grand Rapids, and joining already established Kingdom communities and learn, serve and be. We have wonderful friends doing this and we have watch from a distance, praying that God would would never call us to that - but applauding them for their obediance and seeing Jesus work in them and through them to the least of these in our area.
We have been playing the pros and con thing for three years - although it has been wise for us to do - we have learned that we cant contain God in a pro/con list. His ways are not our ways - they are bigger and better and in that we need to trust.
So who knows - maybe God will shut the next door and then we dont pursue this road - but for now God is calling us to walk. - So pray for us - we will be talking with people, praying and praying. For three years as a family we have been seeking God' heart - asking Him to unify all 6 of us to the place He has for us - He is doing something in all our hearts - I have told God many times over the past few weeks - "I want off the train now!!!" I want to go back to my Egypt, my comfort, - but we are going to keep walking - knowing that God only reveals one step at a time, He may circle us all the way back to 3375 100th Street, Byron Center. But we are willing to go on this journey and see what we can learn long the way.
May our Saviour, Jesus, be glorified.
For many of you who follow my blog, you know in a vague way what God is doing in my heart, Kevin's heart. The constant tension of having something on our heart and not knowing what God want us to do with it. He has given us a deep love and desire to be a voice for Africa and someday to go there and work side by side with our african brothers and sisters. But here, living in a community of people who are living missionally among the least of these in our area. Where the harvest is ripe but the workers are few.
Well we've been on a fence for awhile, and I think being on the fence has been part of this learning process and surrender process. God has been refining us indivually, as husband and wife and as a family. And we feel like God is showing us - that now is the time to climb down and begin to walk into an unknown. And let me tell you - we've been on this journey before, the last one of going to Africa but before Africa - something that God called us to that totally changed our lives and our relationship with Him was the calling to put our kids in public school.
Ten years ago - after so much wrestling and going back and forth, seeking wisdom - we walked into the unknown. We put our most precious treasure on the school bus that dropped him off at Byron Center Public School. Now to some of you this would be like no big deal. But to us it was huge.
You see we grew up in a community where, church, christian school and family were/are a huge deal. It was the only thing that we known. it was safe, it felt good, everyone knew each other, looked like each other. In fact Sawyer was enrolled there - and we went to Kindengarten round up and I looked around the gym and thought to myself - I am related to half the people here. And if I'm not related to them they are related to others in the room. And hear me. this is not a public school/christian school debate. I have many friends there and I see the work of the Spirit working so beatuifully in many people's lives. But for some reason God had a different calling for our family and that was going to the school down the road. The school I would never have sent my kids to. (at least that is what I was thinking).
Yes, in my pride I thought - how embarrassing that my kids will be wearing black/orange, how embarassing that they would go to school with poor kids, kids that come from divorced famlies, kids that said bad words, and education that is less than the best. My kids deserve more, God release me from this.
In concept I knew - yes the Public schools need Christians, if all the Christians huddle together how will the world know. But God honestly - not my kids - someone else please.
And then when we did surrender this and say yes LORD, the comments from people, and the whole backlash of our obediance was not encouraged, we got the shaft. It was a lonely season. But a season where God humbled us, and where we felt His lovingkindness. It may have been the place where God turned our hearts from Jesus is our Saviour to Jesus is our everything- we started our journey of becoming disciples of Jesus
.
One thing that I was so thankful for was - after a lot of playing the devils advocate, my family came aboard right when the decision was made and cheered us on. That made a HUGE difference
And God has used the public school to be pivital in all relationships. We thought we were coming in to save the day, and what God has done is put people in place to minister to us, that have come from such different walks of life and who's lifes have pointed us to Jesus. We have seen tremendous growth in our kids. Yes, they are exposed to more, but we feel priveledge to walk them through the yuck of life, our own yuck and the yuck of others.
It has brought us to a deeper prayer life - i tell you before the kids were in the school, kevin and I didnt dare to pray out loud, the first thing i did was join a prayer group at our school and I remember leaving there the first time, after hearing mothers bear their hearts to Jesus on behalf of their kids stunned - knowing that there was a HUGE void in my relationship with Jesus. And since then God has shown Kevin and I so much prayer and how he works through our desperation.
And by the way - we love our public school and see God moving. We are blessed to have many Christian leaders, teachers and families. The public school is not such a scary place.
ten years later....
God has been laying a calling on our heart that we have to pursue. It doenst mean that it will happen - but we know that if we dont at least do the footwork - then we are acting in disobediance and arenet allowing God to work.
Part of me is scared to death the other part of me is excited to see what does God have in store for our family.
The calling is moving into Grand Rapids, and joining already established Kingdom communities and learn, serve and be. We have wonderful friends doing this and we have watch from a distance, praying that God would would never call us to that - but applauding them for their obediance and seeing Jesus work in them and through them to the least of these in our area.
We have been playing the pros and con thing for three years - although it has been wise for us to do - we have learned that we cant contain God in a pro/con list. His ways are not our ways - they are bigger and better and in that we need to trust.
So who knows - maybe God will shut the next door and then we dont pursue this road - but for now God is calling us to walk. - So pray for us - we will be talking with people, praying and praying. For three years as a family we have been seeking God' heart - asking Him to unify all 6 of us to the place He has for us - He is doing something in all our hearts - I have told God many times over the past few weeks - "I want off the train now!!!" I want to go back to my Egypt, my comfort, - but we are going to keep walking - knowing that God only reveals one step at a time, He may circle us all the way back to 3375 100th Street, Byron Center. But we are willing to go on this journey and see what we can learn long the way.
May our Saviour, Jesus, be glorified.
Monday, January 25, 2010
VOICES
So many voices, do you have that too - everyone has their point of view, the way they look at things, their wisdom, their words of advice, their opinion.... and then there is the voice of the accuser, Satan himself, speaking and trying to deceive, to accuse. Voices and noise.
God is God of order not chaos.
Yesterday in church God reminded me that He speaks in His still small voice. And that is the only voice I want to hear. And I want to hear it clearly... I long to hear from my Jesus.
DanMike talked about Hebrews 11. Ive been resting on that chapter this week and thinking and wondering how many voices did Abraham ignore, Noah, Moses, Rahab.
I will follow and go and be anything or nothing - but i need the voice of God whispering over me. I want to know His voice above any - as sheep know their Shephard.
As we enter into a 6 month season of 24/7 prayer with our friends, I pray that God will speak, and i will come to know His voice more intimately.
God is calling, and guiding and so much wants to lavish us with His love.
Speak Heavenly Father - your daughter is listening.
God is God of order not chaos.
Yesterday in church God reminded me that He speaks in His still small voice. And that is the only voice I want to hear. And I want to hear it clearly... I long to hear from my Jesus.
DanMike talked about Hebrews 11. Ive been resting on that chapter this week and thinking and wondering how many voices did Abraham ignore, Noah, Moses, Rahab.
I will follow and go and be anything or nothing - but i need the voice of God whispering over me. I want to know His voice above any - as sheep know their Shephard.
As we enter into a 6 month season of 24/7 prayer with our friends, I pray that God will speak, and i will come to know His voice more intimately.
God is calling, and guiding and so much wants to lavish us with His love.
Speak Heavenly Father - your daughter is listening.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
HEAVINESS
...weighs in my heart today.
Praying and thinking about a family from church that a little over a week ago had a baby girl with Downs Snydrome and a major heart defect. Doctors telling them to go home with their precious little girl and not giving her much time here on this earth. Watching this family walk this heart wrenching walk has been great testimony to living in God's strength. How as parents do you live in a place of "is this the day where Jesus calls her home" and each moment with her having more and more of your heart swell with love for her. We're believing God for a miracle that this precious one will have many days/years here with her family but also knowing that God knows the number of days He has planned for her.
Praying and thinking about another family in our church who got horrible news that their 18 year old daughter got killed in a snowmobile accident. Her funeral is tomorrow. They too, through their raw grief are giving testimony to the goodness of God. Only through His strength.
Praying and thinking about the devastation in Haiti with the 7.0 earthquake. All the lives lost, the pain and chaos that many are living in. My mind cant imagine, Our friends who have been waiting for two years to bring their adopted son home, hearing in their voice the urgency to get him out of there. Also hearing testimony of missionaries there, who run a certain orphanage, getting all the children out of the building and camping under the stars these past few nights - and a midst all the chaos they, with all the little orphans worship - They worship loudly and boldly to the King of Kings causings others to come and find HOPE.
Praying and thinking about our friends in Africa - reading about all the needs, from orphans, to widows, to training the men. Its daily survival for so many people. Seeing a video from my dear friend Vovo, thanking everyone for being the hands and feet of Jesus - and hearing her heart to be a place of PEACE in her dark community of Masi.
praying and thinking about my sister's family who are in Colombia right now, just received their two precious adopted daughters last month, and posting a blog entry today about all the orphans in just one orphanage in Bogota, who so badly want a family or their own - coming up to my sister asking "mia mamma" you be my mom?!! Also, knowing that the journey of parenting is a hard calling - one of the hardest - and yet anticipating what God is going to do in them and through them.
Overwhelming all the hurt, pain, need. Sometimes I can look at all this and say it's too much!! and get stuck at being so overwhelmed and not doing anything.
What God has been teaching me over these past few weeks is about His GRACE in my life. He is showing me my poverty, my need, my weakness, my sin. I dont need to go around the world to find it's in me.
He is showing me that it is 100% HIM. He pursues, He teaches, He opens hearts. It is nothing that I have done or could ever do.
On any given day I know more than ever, that I am so proned to wander. I desperatly seek His GRACE and His STRENGTH each moment. because on my own i always fail.
So having this truth being shown to me in a profound way - I now can look at other's pain, sin, poverty, and weakness and know that this is me and in and of myself there is nothing I can do - BUT also knowing the same power that raised Christ from the grave lives in me. And there is the diffence. ITS ALL JESUS.
And that is WHO I have to offer to this chaotic world.
I am thankful that we have a Father in Heaven - that never leaves us or forsakes us. I am beyond words to know that JESUS entered into my poverty and ugliness by death on a cross, so that I can be raised up from ashes to beauty - just as He is raised up in all SPELNDOR and POWER sitting on the Throne of Grace where we have open access to HIM.
Our calling as His Bride is to ready ourselves for HIS coming - and to bring PEACE into chaos one moment and one person at a time.
May the church rise up - May we each in our own calling and place, make the Name of Jesus Famous by living out our mission boldly and courageously.
Many of our questions will not be answered in this life... but oh, when we see JESUS face to face, our faith will be made sight. So lets link arms and throw off anything that is entangling us and run... run hard after the prize.
Praying and thinking about a family from church that a little over a week ago had a baby girl with Downs Snydrome and a major heart defect. Doctors telling them to go home with their precious little girl and not giving her much time here on this earth. Watching this family walk this heart wrenching walk has been great testimony to living in God's strength. How as parents do you live in a place of "is this the day where Jesus calls her home" and each moment with her having more and more of your heart swell with love for her. We're believing God for a miracle that this precious one will have many days/years here with her family but also knowing that God knows the number of days He has planned for her.
Praying and thinking about another family in our church who got horrible news that their 18 year old daughter got killed in a snowmobile accident. Her funeral is tomorrow. They too, through their raw grief are giving testimony to the goodness of God. Only through His strength.
Praying and thinking about the devastation in Haiti with the 7.0 earthquake. All the lives lost, the pain and chaos that many are living in. My mind cant imagine, Our friends who have been waiting for two years to bring their adopted son home, hearing in their voice the urgency to get him out of there. Also hearing testimony of missionaries there, who run a certain orphanage, getting all the children out of the building and camping under the stars these past few nights - and a midst all the chaos they, with all the little orphans worship - They worship loudly and boldly to the King of Kings causings others to come and find HOPE.
Praying and thinking about our friends in Africa - reading about all the needs, from orphans, to widows, to training the men. Its daily survival for so many people. Seeing a video from my dear friend Vovo, thanking everyone for being the hands and feet of Jesus - and hearing her heart to be a place of PEACE in her dark community of Masi.
praying and thinking about my sister's family who are in Colombia right now, just received their two precious adopted daughters last month, and posting a blog entry today about all the orphans in just one orphanage in Bogota, who so badly want a family or their own - coming up to my sister asking "mia mamma" you be my mom?!! Also, knowing that the journey of parenting is a hard calling - one of the hardest - and yet anticipating what God is going to do in them and through them.
Overwhelming all the hurt, pain, need. Sometimes I can look at all this and say it's too much!! and get stuck at being so overwhelmed and not doing anything.
What God has been teaching me over these past few weeks is about His GRACE in my life. He is showing me my poverty, my need, my weakness, my sin. I dont need to go around the world to find it's in me.
He is showing me that it is 100% HIM. He pursues, He teaches, He opens hearts. It is nothing that I have done or could ever do.
On any given day I know more than ever, that I am so proned to wander. I desperatly seek His GRACE and His STRENGTH each moment. because on my own i always fail.
So having this truth being shown to me in a profound way - I now can look at other's pain, sin, poverty, and weakness and know that this is me and in and of myself there is nothing I can do - BUT also knowing the same power that raised Christ from the grave lives in me. And there is the diffence. ITS ALL JESUS.
And that is WHO I have to offer to this chaotic world.
I am thankful that we have a Father in Heaven - that never leaves us or forsakes us. I am beyond words to know that JESUS entered into my poverty and ugliness by death on a cross, so that I can be raised up from ashes to beauty - just as He is raised up in all SPELNDOR and POWER sitting on the Throne of Grace where we have open access to HIM.
Our calling as His Bride is to ready ourselves for HIS coming - and to bring PEACE into chaos one moment and one person at a time.
May the church rise up - May we each in our own calling and place, make the Name of Jesus Famous by living out our mission boldly and courageously.
Many of our questions will not be answered in this life... but oh, when we see JESUS face to face, our faith will be made sight. So lets link arms and throw off anything that is entangling us and run... run hard after the prize.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
13 YEARS AGO
our beautiful Ally was born. These 13 years raising her has been one of God's greatest gifts to Kevin and I.
I remember that day so clearly, driving to the hospital in a snow storm, wondering to myself, could I ever love another baby as much as i love Sawyer, anticipating and dreaming what our little girl would look like, the labor for her to enter the world was - let just say WOW!! - never had and hopefully never will expereince that much pain. But i remembe rmost the feeliing of complete joy and love and awe when she finally made her way into this world and into my arms.
A beautiful baby girl with lots of thick black hair staring up at me, looking over at Kevin and seeing his daddy love and protectiveness for her bubble over and knowing this little girl was going to be a joy.
And right from the start she was, big brother sawyer loved her even through the months of colic, but by 3 month she was over that but her determination came through at a very young age. Walking at 9 months, talking at 10 months and keeping up with her older brother and mothering her younger brothers.
I have seen so much growth in ally over the years, her caring heart, her get it done personality, her love for little kids, her "nobody is going to walk over me" attidude and the way she is a great sister to her three brothers, and her sense of justice that lays deep in her heart. I listen and see dreams that God is giving her at a young age, and this sense of adventure.
I am so blessed to be called Ally Kay Smith's mom. I have learned so much about Jesus through her young life.
This is my prayer for you Ally - that you would become like Esther, standing tall for the the Lord, and humbling your heart in obediance to HIM, and knowing that you are a daughter of the KING. I pray that whatever comes your way in life that you share all of it with Jesus - He will be there and work in all things. I pray especially Colossians 3:12 that this truth would abide in you
Therefore, God's chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humlity, gentleness and patience....above all put on love - the perfect bond of unity.
Teenager, I look forward to help navigate you through these exciting years Ally, thank you for being the very special daughter you are. You keep shining for CHRIST. I love you more than words could say. And I cant wait to see how God works in these next few years to mold you and make you more like HIM.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALLY - and as much as you dont like birthdays - we are celebrating you!!!
Friday, January 1, 2010
2010
...what will it bring. what will this next year bring, this next decade.
i love new beginnings, i love them more and more, stepping into something new.
...but I think one thing that I have learned in 2009 is that God timing is different then mine - that God is God and I am not. And that I have only begun to know a little about surrender.
its been a year where Jesus is teaching me more about the true meaning of the GOSPEL. My mind cant comprehend what He did for me, what He wants for me and what He is preparing for me - And then what He is calling me.
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevail. Proverbs 19:21
I know that God is making me more and more like Him. I feel Him cut things out of my heart and replacing them with Him. And so in many ways this has been a year of journeying in my heart. A quiet and personal journey with Jesus. And God giving me dreams and desires that could only come from Him - but then asking me to trust, wait and walk by faith and not by sight.
As reflecting back on 2009, God brought to mind that last year on Jan 1 2009 is when we invited Lisa and Neil to our home, we have had people living in and out for a whole year, and ironically (maybe) we packed Chelsea up on Dec 31 2009 for Alaska. Our home is just the 6 of us - until God brings someone else. Our home is His and our family is open to whatever He wills. we are sustained only in His GRACE and LOVE.
What will 2010 hold - HOPE and a FUTURE - declares the LORD. For me, sure I will continue to pray for miracles, because we serve and love a God who can, and I will pray for these dreams and desires in my heart to continue to grow and flower, I have lots of them for me and my family. But the greatest desire in my heart is this simple " to glorify Jesus with my life and enjoy Him" - whatever I am doing, wherever I am.
i love new beginnings, i love them more and more, stepping into something new.
...but I think one thing that I have learned in 2009 is that God timing is different then mine - that God is God and I am not. And that I have only begun to know a little about surrender.
its been a year where Jesus is teaching me more about the true meaning of the GOSPEL. My mind cant comprehend what He did for me, what He wants for me and what He is preparing for me - And then what He is calling me.
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevail. Proverbs 19:21
I know that God is making me more and more like Him. I feel Him cut things out of my heart and replacing them with Him. And so in many ways this has been a year of journeying in my heart. A quiet and personal journey with Jesus. And God giving me dreams and desires that could only come from Him - but then asking me to trust, wait and walk by faith and not by sight.
As reflecting back on 2009, God brought to mind that last year on Jan 1 2009 is when we invited Lisa and Neil to our home, we have had people living in and out for a whole year, and ironically (maybe) we packed Chelsea up on Dec 31 2009 for Alaska. Our home is just the 6 of us - until God brings someone else. Our home is His and our family is open to whatever He wills. we are sustained only in His GRACE and LOVE.
What will 2010 hold - HOPE and a FUTURE - declares the LORD. For me, sure I will continue to pray for miracles, because we serve and love a God who can, and I will pray for these dreams and desires in my heart to continue to grow and flower, I have lots of them for me and my family. But the greatest desire in my heart is this simple " to glorify Jesus with my life and enjoy Him" - whatever I am doing, wherever I am.
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